The Day I Took The Tree Down.

The day Chelsea flew back to Utah was the day I took the tree down and I wasn't even sad. I have to say I was relieved and glad that I made it through my first Christmas without my mom. I was glad to have taken  the tree out on New Years day. The branches were starting to snap in half anyway and there were so many pine needles on the floor. I was ready to get rid of it but sad that my daughter left. It's bittersweet you know. I know with time it'll get easier but I will always miss my mom during the holidays. I will always be 50 percent sad and 50 percent happy until the day I die. I am grateful that in spite of my feelings of not caring to put up a tree that I did. 

I Choose Joy.

Don’t let the smiles fool you behind these photos. Yesterday was my 53rd Birthday and in all honesty it was a pretty hard day. A day of off and on crying-waiting for my mom's yearly phone call to hear her voice on the phone uttering those two words “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” Asking me “How is your day going?” “Are you doing anything fun today?” Yada yada yada.

Well, I am lucky and I am thankful that I have done fun things during my birthday month, but it’s still hard. The only difference is…is that I choose JOY. I choose JOY to make my days fulfilled and worth living. And that makes a huge difference when a loved one is no longer with you. Especially when it's your momma.