The Day I Took The Tree Down.

The day Chelsea flew back to Utah was the day I took the tree down and I wasn't even sad. I have to say I was relieved and glad that I made it through my first Christmas without my mom. I was glad to have taken  the tree out on New Years day. The branches were starting to snap in half anyway and there were so many pine needles on the floor. I was ready to get rid of it but sad that my daughter left. It's bittersweet you know. I know with time it'll get easier but I will always miss my mom during the holidays. I will always be 50 percent sad and 50 percent happy until the day I die. I am grateful that in spite of my feelings of not caring to put up a tree that I did. 

Beach Therapy.

Going to the beach is all kinds of therapy especially when you need to be reminded of how beautiful life can be. It's up to us to choose joy and I choose to be happy. Losing my momma hasn't been the easiest but I'll tell you that it can be a bit tolerable knowing that she is in a better place. I know that she is watching over me in hopes that I know that she's okay. The beach was her favorite and coming here gave me the reassurance that she is. That she is with loved ones catching up and enjoying each others company. I am so grateful for that feeling of peace and although I have days where I break down I know that it'll pass and that I will repeatedly remember her death but also celebrate it in a way where it can be positive and beautiful. 

I Choose Joy.

Don’t let the smiles fool you behind these photos. Yesterday was my 53rd Birthday and in all honesty it was a pretty hard day. A day of off and on crying-waiting for my mom's yearly phone call to hear her voice on the phone uttering those two words “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” Asking me “How is your day going?” “Are you doing anything fun today?” Yada yada yada.

Well, I am lucky and I am thankful that I have done fun things during my birthday month, but it’s still hard. The only difference is…is that I choose JOY. I choose JOY to make my days fulfilled and worth living. And that makes a huge difference when a loved one is no longer with you. Especially when it's your momma.

Rest in Peace Momma...

Yesterday our mom lost her battle with Dementia. There is nothing that prepares you for losing a parent. As she was the only parent I had that raised me. I'm still not quite sure what to write at the moment. There will be no funeral service as she wanted to be cremated. When our kids fly out in August we will have our own little private little ceremony to honor her. We will forever be grateful for the thoughts and prayers that she made it long enough to spend time with me and my sis....but most of all our brother. He definitely was her "little prince." For the prompting that my dear friend Catherine had in flying me ahead of time to spend those final days with my mom. She was definitely waiting for me to see her. Go with your loved ones now momma, and be with you till we meet again.