my happy place.

After writing this post yesterday I realized that there is so much that I could offer my children had I completed my education, and got a really great job. Truth is I did have quite a few good jobs while I lived in Utah between the years of 1994 and 2000, but the minute I had my second daughter who is now 13 I knew my place was in the home.
Although an education is important, and it really is- working outside the home at this point is not a priority to me. Unless Jon becomes jobless, and we're living on the streets then I will work. Otherwise, my happy place is being a stay at home mom living in simplicity.

Each day when I wake up I find myself doing the same thing with Noah. Making breakfast, cleaning up, reading time, playtime, sometimes nap time, and I'll even have him watch cartoons for a couple of hours while I deal with the daily mundane. Sometimes I'll sit with him, and sometimes I won't. 

There are also days that aren't repetitious, and Noah will surprise me by wanting to help me do the laundry, go to the library, a nearby park, or just help me clean up any messes he made in the kitchen. He will always want a little break, but I think he prefers sticking with  PBS for the first part of the morning. 

He is also super picky with shows on PBS, (he doesn't like Barney), but when Dinosaur train comes on he'll sit quietly on the couch, and will be glued to the tv. It doesn't matter to me that he can watch that show over and over again! There are quite a few other things that don't matter to me in the life of being a stay at home such as:

It doesn't matter to me that Noah confuses the wall for paper to color on. As long as I have my best friend Mr. Scotch eraser to help me clean it up I'm okay with that.

It doesn't matter to me that he will color on Lexie's school projects after it's been graded. (She doesn't mind either) It keeps him busy from coloring on said walls. (keep working on those projects Lexie!)

It doesn't matter to me that Noah constantly uses the end of my bed post as a train track, and seeing the chipped paint on it will be a memory of him. (does he really need Thomas the train track?)

It doesn't matter to me that he will throw tantrums in the middle of the day because I allowed him to be on the computer too long. Thank goodness I have the patience, and the will to tell him "no"

Being home when the girls come home is like Disney World for them, well not really because I'm no Snow White, but you know what I mean. They are happy to see me at home when they arrive, and their face says it all. Their facial expression says, "mom cares."

Being a stay at home is my happy place, and even though some may think it's tedious it isn't like that for me. Sure there are days when I become weary, but isn't that what being a mom is all about. Even mothers who have full time jobs I'm sure get exhausted. There is no way that I would want to run around rapid, stressed, and worrying if I'm going to be home in time to pick up my eight year old at the bus stop. Or in finding the perfect day care that will tend to my sons needs without giving them my whole paycheck, and worrying if he's eating right, and that the caregivers are doing just that...caring. 

Been there done that. 

I experienced that with Sierra for the first five years of her life, and I remember how hard it was to find the time to seriously spend with her when she was little. I enjoyed working, and loved working in the line of clerical work, but it wasn't complete happiness for me. I longed to be at home with Sierra, and wondered if she was okay while I was away. Luckily we were blessed in finding a good caregiver for her, but even so...I thought that if both my husband and I would be working all will be well. Truth is it really wasn't.

And can I tell you how relieved my husband was when I put my foot down to let him know that I didn't want to go back to work when Lexie was born? He had an ear to ear smile. I'll tell you though going through the temple a couple years after her birth, and putting all my faith in The Lord really changed my whole perspective as a mother. I said to myself "I'm the one that wants to raise our children, not someone else."

I learned a lot from my mother, and I saw how hard she had to work as a single mom for awhile. She struggled, and did her best in providing for my sister and I. She tells me today how fortunate I am to be able to stay at home to raise Noah. 

And you know something...I am. 

And I thank God for that.