Being surrounded by happy children makes me feel good inside. I have a habit of being a little too involved with my kids feelings, and it's probably because my mother was always cautious about mine when I was young...until I reached my teens.
I'm a lot different than my mom was when she raised my sister and I, and although she did show me affection it was different than the kind I give my kids today. I always want to hug them, and be aware of their feelings, and/or if anything is bothering them. I wish that my mom would have been more attentive to my feelings, and actions. I believe the lack of interest my mom showed was due to working so much & the fact that she was in denial to see what was happening behind the walls of our own home with my stepfather and how numb it made her feel in not knowing how to handle that situation (I'll go into detail on that topic later) Because of everything that I learned & experienced as a child, teen, and young adult...I am who I am today.
I am a mother who constantly seeks good works in this life, and in the lives of my children. A forgiving mother who loves the ones who have hurt me both in the past & present. A caring, kind, thoughtful mother who constantly says "I love you" at the end of each phone call with my kids, and as they are walking out the door to school. (i don't like texting too much.) I'm also a mother who scolds, and punishes if need be (which is very rare!)
Reasons to why I'm so different, and why life as a mother to me has been pretty wonderful is because of something that I did that changed my life for good.
That change would be becoming a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints.
I remember being so lost and somewhat lonely especially after my sister got married. Most of my friends had gone away for college. Even though I was still living with my mom I was always trying to search for a happier kind of light. I knew that I wanted to make my life better I just didn't know how. Little did I know that that "happy light" would be the one of Jesus Christ.
I was still hanging around with some friends that I knew in high school at the time of my investigating this church. We'd go to parties, and clubs but the partying scene was getting old, and living in a small town in Texas everyone seems to do that. Not that I judge them because hey, if drinking makes you happy and calms your nerves after an eight hour workday more power to you, but that wasn't me. Socially or even in moderation...it just isn't me.
I decided to give all that up, and continued to find my way through life with a hope & a prayer. Little did I know that organized religion would be the answer for me.
Religion is not for everyone, but it was for me. It is for me. Being LDS, and raising my kids in it has done really, really well for my family. I may not have a lot of knowledge of the scriptures, but darn it I try to study them as much as possible, and luckily I have a hubby who knows his scriptures like the back of his hand to help me answer any questions I may have.
I have many friends who are proud of my conversion, and how happy they are to know that all is well even after knowing what I endured as a young child.
One thing for sure as I look back at all the trials that I've endured since joining the church I never gave up. The Lord has blessed me through those slip ups, and in ways that are profound.
Today I rely on Him every single day of my life. He is the calmness to my storms. Without the Saviors love, or this wonderful book I'm not sure where I would stand in this world today.
This is something that has kept me going in times of stress, and life's struggles. This is what has helped me carry on through the hardest trials of my life, and most of all in finding forgiveness towards the things that I endured as a young girl, and the things I endure today.
There are days when someone will ask me, "How do you do it? Y'all don't drink or smoke, or even drink coffee & tea...What is the word of wisdom anyway?" The answer is pretty easy. I simply say it's not hard if you have the faith to pray for the desire to quit all those things, and we do have fun without it! Then again I wasn't heavily involved in any of those substances so it was easier for me to let go of them.
The world teaches us that it's okay to do the things that are harmful to our body, and spirit. Sometimes I wonder how easy it would be to just give up life as a christian, and to revert back to my old ways.
With all the moving we've done as a family, having kids in between, and a kid going off to college soon...I don't think I'd survive without those true principles that this religion has taught me, and continues to teach me.
I look back at my life on the naughty things I used to do & how I used to cope with things without the gospel or any foundation of Christ in my life. I'll tell you, it was not easy, and I would not want history to repeat itself in any form.
There are times when I think to myself how easy it would be to play hooky & not attend church every Sunday, or not have our kids go their youth activities only to go out to behave like a bunch of rummy's. I honestly don't believe that our daughters would have the talents they have, and the blessings they receive now if they didn't have the gospel.
Then I come to reality, and say to myself, "Life without the gospel would be pretty boring, and probably hard!"
Right now our life is wonderful with the gospel of Jesus Christ. It's not a perfect life, but it's good. Regardless of any trial...it's the here and the now, and the truth.
And right now we especially need God & his gospel even more.
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