how i came to have Noah.

One of the greatest advantages about blogging is finding inspirational stories from various bloggers. I recently stumbled upon this one about a month ago. Not only is she a fashionista when it comes to vintage clothing with a beautiful daughter, but like many other moms out there she is one who continues to heal from a loss of a baby.

I've never met her, but she truly seems like a remarkable woman. She even replied to one of my emails within an hour about some 'blogging advice".

Because of finding her story I felt inspired to write this post.

I have to say I feel very blessed that I have never miscarried, or ever had a hard time getting pregnant. Okay...I may have had a hard time getting pregnant the fourth time around with Noah. Call it getting up  there in age, stress, or a sign that my clock is ticking (because nearing 42 I have a feeling that my time is almost up), but luckily at the age of 38 I gave birth to my little man Noah (who will be four this November!)

my little man Noah, age six months

While living in North Carolina for two years we had been trying to have another baby. Chelsea was three years old at the time, and it was never happening. No matter how many times, different positions, eating the right kinds of food, counting the days after my last period it just wasn't happening. I figured three girls is a blessing, three kids is a great number, and three beautiful girls is all we were meant to have.

I was a little disappointed that I wasn't getting pregnant. Notice I said little, and not a lot. Simply because I was beginning to accept the fact that I was only meant to have three. Since it was so easy for me to get pregnant with the other three I figured it be a piece of cake to get pregnant the fourth time around...not!

Here I was nearing 38 years old, and really wanting one more. Well, after some serious praying and accepting the fact that it's not meant for us to have another kid we finally gave up. I realized that it wasn't meant to be, and that The Lord has blessed me with three wonderful daughters and our family was complete.

Not long after that we moved up to New Jersey, and it was time for my yearly physical. I went to one of the best clinics in New Jersey with some of the best Doctors. I told my OBGYN that I was trying to get pregnant. I asked her if it was the fact that nearing 40 was a factor, and of course it can be, but everyone is different. She told me that I show no signs of being free from child bearing, and she recommended a procedure.

Well, if this post can help anyone who is trying to have a baby maybe this can be a solution because I honestly feel that it helped me, my uterus (or my tubes what have you!)

My OB mentioned that I would have a procedure done where they practically clean out my whole vaginal system. I'm not sure what the doctor term is, but basically they cleaned out my tubes in hopes that the sperm can easily shoot right through and attack one of my little eggs.

It didn't hurt, and it took like 20 minutes for them to clean me out (kind of like a long douch which I've honestly never done in my life...honestly), and about a thousand dollars later (thank goodness for insurance) it was so worth it because I got pregnant right away. Like that month!

Although it wasn't a form of an infertility procedure ( it still seemed like one because of the cost) I still feel that this might help someone who may be struggling with bearing children.

Now that I am nearing 42 part of me tells me that my child bearing days are possibly over. I would really like to have another one, but that doesn't seem to be happening right now. I don't think I want to do that "douche" procedure again because I feel that if we're intended to have another one it'll happen. If it doesn't, I'll be okay with it.

Really I will.

Although I would love for Noah to have a little brother or sister to play with, looking at the love that our girls give Noah is enough to fill me for a lifetime...even when they all become an adult.

I am slowly beginning to accept the fact, and feel the peace that there may be no more kids waiting to come down from heaven for me to raise, and am beginning to feel fulfilled with my family of six.