Finding my identity through Christ.

Identity...what does that really mean anyway. 

Some of us may never know what it means to find ourselves, or find ourself or "true identity". This is something that I hear very often among the youth everywhere, but especially in the church I attend, and I think it's because the teenage years are the hardest years to find out who they truly are, and why they are really here. 

I personally have never understood that until I found my own identity. Teaching my children true principles of the Gospel, and the church we attend helps them figure out their place in this world, and with our help can give them an understanding as to who they are, and where they come from. I know that our example, and by seeking guidance from the Spirit, and praying to God can help them find their own identity. Throughout the years of raising my firstborn who is now 18, and seeing her go through the actions, and possible motions of who she is becoming as well as what she endured to get to where she's at today makes me one proud mama. 

I saw Sierra growing up spiritually, and building her testimony as she attended church services, and various activities. Bearing her testimony on her own motive. Sharing her beliefs with others without me telling her to. I have never, ever stood up with her at the pulpit to help her bear witness that Jesus is the Christ and that the church she is being raised in is true. Having the desire to attend all youth church activities was from her heart...not mine. I have to say I have never struggled with her in finding out who she is. I never had to coddle her too much, but if she had an issue or problem in relation to church or school, I was always there to talk, and listen. 

I asked Lexie the other day if she knew who she 'really' was. She said she knows she's a daughter of God, and that she is here to learn. Yet she's 14, and even though I feel she has a good head on her shoulders, she's bound to be tested. However, I feel that she herself truly knows that she's a daughter of God, and that she has Heavenly Father who is there for her no matter what. Knowing that my two oldest daughters have found their identity through Christ puts me at ease, and helps me to live less stressfully in a high strung world.

Finding our true identity whether at the age of 14, 16, 20, or 40 definitely bring us a clear picture in the life that we live. Once we get it, and I mean really get it everything will make sense to us & we'll have so much confidence within ourselves that no matter what trials come our way we'll be strong enough to fight them & make it through. 

I know this because like my daughters...I also had to find my own identity. And I found it at the age of 20.

Once I found my true self in knowing who I am, where I came from, & why I'm here living out my years in this mortal life I became more self confident, happy, and was dying to share my excitement. After all the shame that I felt of the things that I did as a teenager, and what happened to me as a young girl...I was lost, and had no idea why I was even living this life. Wondering why this happened to me, and why God would allow 'bad' things to happen to such an innocent little girl. It took years of healing and thoughts of believing that I was 'damaged goods' to leave my mind. The difference between my and my girls while finding our true identity is that I didn't have the tools that they have now. Scriptures, two parents, values, morals, and The Lord. Once I got baptized I literally wanted to shout it from the rooftops to the entire world and say, "I truly am a daughter of God & man does it feel good to finally know that at the age of 20! God really loves me...he really does love me!"

I know at one point every one of us has been lost with our identity including my husband, my daughters at some point, and everyone who in some shape or form has struggled with finding out who they are, why bad things happen to us, and where we came from.

I endured so much heartache in trying to understand who I am, why I'm here, and what my purpose in this life was. I was tired of living a life of being a 'wanna be', of hurting myself, and having morbid thoughts of how it would be to just leave this life. I often wondered how it would feel to just live a life somewhere else. I guess that's probably why I did so much soul searching by investigating every religion that was out there, and spending time in various states to find out what I really wanted. Is it going to be different if I move here. Is the grass going to be greener if I live there. If I live with my sister in Florida will the pains from my past go away. No, no, and no. 

Watching commercials from the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints practically airing 24/7 gave me the will & courage to call that 800 number. Then I'd feel it again on days where sadness, and loneliness would kick in. As if some special 'being' was standing right beside me telling me to pour that quart of bud light down the drain. Your mother does care...she just doesn't know how to show it. You don't need it. You don't need it to belong. You don't need it to fulfill your life. You don't need it to make you tough and strong. You don't need it to forget what happened to you. You don't...you just don't. Slowly but surely I began to listen to that special 'being'. I began to see that maybe this so called video will help me realize the purpose of my life, and possibly answer those questions. 

And it did with help from the missionaries. After so many attempts of feeling that nudge on my shoulder I finally called to order this specific video, and let me tell you something...It forever has changed my life! Still...it wasn't that easy. Giving my life to Christ was just the beginning. 

I had to go back to the place where I felt lost as a young teen to face reality, and the demons that were unable to set me free from the pain I endured, but I had to make the choice to want it. To want to change, to want to listen, and I mean really listen. And that desire of wanting it was passionately burning inside of me. After months of stubbornness, I had a change of heart & finally made it out of that dark cloud of confusion that was hovering over me for so long. My life was saved, but even afterwards escaping adversity never ceased. And that's okay. As long as I have the love from my Father in Heaven, and the tools I have to keep me firm in His love, along with the gospel- I can overcome anything. 

I am extremely thankful for seeking out the spirit in helping me deal with all those emotions from long ago, and for helping me change my life at the age of 20. I am grateful for the calling that I have in the Stake Young Women. I look forward to taking the time to know the girls. I know a few already, and hope that for those who may feel lost, alone, with dark clouds hovering over them that one day they'll see the beauty that's inside of them. I hope that they'll come to the realization that no matter how hard life gets, how rough times at school are that they'll know there's a reason for them being here, why we have to go through certain trials, and why we long for them to give God a chance in helping them know that He is always there for them. Ready and willing to listen. 

As a teen I always wondered how can this supreme being whom I've never met possibly know what I'm going through. And then I remember the time when I was little and how my mom was so desperate in keeping us faithful by going to church on Sundays, and watching Jesus movies. Unfortunately that didnt last. One thing I'll always remember is the love I felt for Jesus. Every time I saw a picture of him in my catechism book I would always wish (not pray) that He would save me. I have to say that one spark of memory helped me to know that Jesus is always watching over us. I just had to let him in, and when I finally allowed Him back into my life at the age of 20 I felt like a little child again. It truly was the greatest feeling being cleansed from my past, and to have forgiveness in my heart towards those who wronged me. 

So to all the young women out there who may be reading this... 

You have something so special that I didn't have while growing up. Values that I wasn't taught or raised with. The gospel of Jesus Christ that helps you find answers to your prayers, and a loving Heavenly Father that loves you. Give your leaders a chance to help motivate, and encourage you to know that there is that eternal light, that special 'being' that is always watching over you to let you know that life can be good, that we can find our true identity. And when we do, I promise that you'll be able to endure any trial that comes your way, and that all will be well. 

All you have to do is pray your heart out, listen, & know that He is always there. 

"If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing. In all conditions, we can choose the right with the guidance of the Spirit. 
The Savior has [even] promised angels on our left and our right to bear us up. 
And He always keeps His word."
 ~Henry B. Eyring

Son of God: Reasons why I love movies about the Savior.

Ever since I was a little girl I remember my mother practically forcing my sister and I to sit down & watch The Ten Commandments with the iconic Charleston Heston. As if watching this movie from 1956 was going to teach us some kind of lesson, and help us grow spiritually. Funny thing is that I actually found that movie very interesting & inspiring. Growing up as a catholic I remembered having to memorize all sorts of prayers including the ten commandments. Now that I am older I have learned that there are more than just ten. Today...I thank my mom for all the times she would have us sit in front of the tv every time that movie would air during Easter weekend.

My love for Jesus grew as my mother tried her best to keep us on the right path. I developed a strong love for Jesus, and every time there was a movie airing about him I was always eager to watch it...without force. As I entered the double digits, and endured the trials I faced throughout my childhood I began searching for that light of Christ that I once remembered as a seven year old girl. I wanted to encounter and investigate every single church that worshipped the Lord. That was the beginning of humbling myself as a tween hoping that by going to church, and learning more about the Lord just as I did about Moses in the ten commandments would somehow help me, and those who were hurting me both physically & emotionally. The difference then is that when I was a small child I had my eyes wide open, and a mind that was willing to be focused on learning more about Jesus...specifically to save me through my trying times. 

For some of us it's a lot different when we get older. Some of us drift away, and take for granted the things that are taught to us by our parents about God. Then there are those who have gone through so much crap in their life that we are eager, and willing to "find ourselves" and seek that light of happiness. 

I eventually chose the latter...at the age of 16.

As I reached my teens I was still feeling lost, and afraid. Wondering why people were so mean to me. I wondered sometimes what I did to deserve such hateful treatment. I never wanted to blame my childhood as to why I did the things I did, but as hard as it was seeing some of my friends treating me so harsh I couldn't comprehend, and I wanted to die. Then again...I'm a girl. And sometimes girls at the age of 16 have a boyfriend. And with boyfriends at a young age comes heartache and drama. And with drama comes heartache, and with heartache comes severed friendships and relationships with both guys and girls.

Now that I am older with a family of my own raising four children of which two are teenage girls I am wiser in the advice I give them. The fact that they are being raised with a foundation of God helps me to become strong, and I am not afraid anymore. Reading this lovely post today written from my oldest daughter tells me that I did something right. And even though she had to learn things for herself on her own motive...she is on the right path to having eternal life.

I love sharing my thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. I am forgiving, kind, and love anyone who has ever harmed me in my past, last year, yesterday & today. It is not my place to judge but God's. The fact that I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints puts me at ease knowing that I have the truthfulness of the gospel to share with others, and that puts a huge smile on my face. I chose to follow Christ, be baptized, and to remember my sins no more. That's what He wanted me to do. That's what He wants all of us to do.

Watching the Son of God this past weekend three times was humbling, and like attending the temple gave me an extra boost of energy knowing that I can always do good. I practically sobbed throughout the entire movie all the while saying to myself, I want to be just like Him. I want to turn the other cheek when someone says something hurtful, or rude. I want to have his patience, his courage, his faith, his deep, deep unconditional love. I want to have his sincerity, and obedience in always doing good. Not cursing, thinking evil thoughts, or saying anything inappropriate to anyone.  I personally felt the spirit knowing that each day I have a choice to be like Him, and I can. And although I think I'm pretty close to being like Him...I am sooooo far from it. 

Everything about him is so perfect. I cried when he spared the adulteress in being stoned to death. I cried when Judah betrayed him. I cried when Peter denied him three times after he was sentenced to death. I cried when Jesus Christ walked up a steep hill holding the cross while being whipped after he already had been given 40 lashes. His perseverance, and the strength that he had was amazing. And when he said, "With God all things are possible" I cried even more, because that sentiment is so true. His heart was filled with the most unconditional love you can ever imagine, and the fact that he had such a forgiving heart to those that betrayed him helps me even more to always, always love, forgive, and strive to sin no more.

There was not one dry eye in the audience and people clapping their hands at the end of the movie was proof enough that this movie was beautifully, and eloquently done. Proof enough that even though those that saw this movie will walk out as imperfect as I am hopefully knowing that we can change, will start now to follow Christ's teachings, and do better.

And so today I move forward. Each day is a new day. A chance for a do-over. A chance to do better today than I did yesterday. I will strive to be forever on that path. Striving and seeking the good in many ways. Striving to choose good over evil. 

I love watching anything about the history of the world, current events, but most of all the Savior and his apostles. My life has changed immensely because of Him. I am not a perfect person, nor will I ever be, but reading about what Jesus went through in order for me to experience this thing called "life" gives me the courage to follow him in righteousness, and fight the adversary.

After all... "He is the way, the truth, and the life."

**all photos via google.