Going Back To The Tiny Yellow House In Kingsville.

Bittersweet memories ran through my mind as we drove into the tiny town of Kingsville. I wasn't going to visit the town I grew up in, but wanted to show my kids where I was raised, who I was, how I found myself, and the place where traumatic things happened that helped me find my way to a better life. 

Believe Women. Believe Survivors.

One thing I love about my mornings are when I take my husband to the train station. It gives us time to talk about current events, and this past Monday on my 47th birthday I was listening to NPR. and heard all about the news about Dr. Christine Ford's assault, and I believe her. I believe her because it happened to me.

It Takes Time...But You Will Heal.

 ^^^ photo via google ^^^

One thing about me that I love is that I'm a television cop junkie. There are a few tv series that I watch, but one of my all time favorite cop shows has always been Criminal Minds.

Over the weekend I watched quite a few episodes & there was one episode that really caught my attention. Now I've seen so many reruns of this show, but this was one episode I'd never seen before. This particular episode is based upon the character Derek Morgan being molested by someone he trusted. He finally put the man who molested him in his younger years behind bars, and later found out that he wasn't the only one who was sexually abused. Apparently there were numerous others in which this man sexually abused and because of that those who were abused by him became drug addicts, thieves, and in this particular episode one man went crazy and got to the point where his anger and resentment got so built up inside that he developed a penchant for beating his victims to death. His rage also caused him to almost kill his ex-wife in front of their son. Simply because he wanted to protect his son from what happened to him. I know that this irrational behavior, and actions were caused by his long term childhood sexual abuse in which he never resolved with himself or his molester.

I know that this is just a prime time television show, and that all stories are fiction, but in hindsight they are nothing but the truth. 

Because it does happen in real life.

In many ways I find myself like the character Derek except without the badge, and gun. He is tough, fearless, and has a lot of compassion for the victims. Especially for those that have become mentally unstable or psychotic due to the experiences that happened to them in their past. He also has a lot of anger, and frustration towards those who are the culprit of these horrible actions. Luckily for Derek he has the law to take care of the bad guys on a television show, and I have my voice in the real world to help others. It's sad and I know there is no excuse for such irrational behavior, but when it comes to something like childhood sexual abuse, rape, or being sexually assaulted many don't comprehend or even realize that it takes time to heal, and that they need help. Some of us focus on continuing to feel like a chewed up piece of gum that has been thrown onto the ground, and stepped on over and over again drowning ourselves in misery with drugs, or alcohol because someone made us feel dirty, worthless, and violated at a young age. Some of us may not know how to heal, and deal with such abuse until we are older in age, and then it's too late. 

Some of us can end up becoming a danger to society. 

Our lives can be ruined by turning to prostitution, drug, alcohol use falling into severe depression, and unfortunately never recover. Some of us can also become the abuser ourselves. Sometimes keeping it a secret for too long, and being silent for many years can hurt us so much to the point where we can't live anymore, or take it out in various forms of anger towards society. Some may take longer than others to heal, but I am proof that in the end of all that has happened, said, and done that we can be healed. 

And you will. 

It takes time...but you can, and you will.  

Here's to a better Monday than the last one! 

Sewing The Stitch With My Family.

While Sierra was in town over holiday break we found some time to gather around to sew "the stitch" onto a place where it is noticeable, and to remind us of why we wear it. I had been waiting for this moment to accomplish this 10 month goal with Sierra since last summer, but since she didn't come home then we had to wait until Christmas. I had sent her a kit early last year, & when the matchbox kits came out I got three more for the kids & Jon for Christmas. 

As many of you are aware of the abuse I endured I gave these to my kids to make them aware as to why I support this cause. My youngest daughter who'll be 10 this week understands what sexual abuse is. Her words in defining sexual abuse are, "Sexual abuse is when someone touches the private parts of your body and hurts you." She may be young, but I have taught her to understand and know the difference between good touching & bad touching. 

Jon stitched his on his beanie. He was so excited that he took a selfie of it! He hardly takes any pictures so this meant a lot to me. He knows of everything that has happened to me in my life and wanted to wear this on behalf of anyone who has suffered any kind of sexual abuse. What a guy!!

I managed to start sewing he stitch on my church bag, but because the material was so thick, and with a sore thumb couldn't finish it. So my very supportive, and sweet husband offered to stitch it for me, and it turned out great! 

Lexie and Sierra both worked so hard in sewing the stitch on there Neff beanies. They were getting s little frustrated because of how they were stitching it (such perfectionists), but in the end accomplished it! They took a picture with their dad, and I can tell that they were all so appreciative of why they did it, and the meaning behind that bold colored orange stitch. 

I am so grateful for The Stitch, and for what it stands for. I pray that more of us will come forward with our voice, and speak our silence. I want y'all to know that you are not alone, and to know that there are so many of us out there who knows, and understands how someone feels when they have been violated in a way that makes them feel like they can't turn around, and start their life over. 

Matt Pipkin (the founder of the stitch), myself, along with countless others are proof that we are survivors, and that we made it through the abuse. Just keep hanging on, and with strength, prayer, and most of all hope...we can stand strong and persevere! 

You can read my story here, and all the story about the stitch here.