A Bittersweet Mother's Day.

Mother's day for some of us can be a tad bittersweet. Only because I don't have a lot of memories of them with my mother, but without turning this into a sob story, I have learned to love mother's day because of how my kids treat me. They help me clean, and give me lots of hugs, kisses, and homemade cards with gifts. The favorite part of my morning on Mother's Day is to have the opportunity to attend sacrament meeting. 

This year we had some pretty good 'Mother's Day" talks. My favorite one was by brother Brandon who mentioned how Mother's Day can be a happy day for some, and a hard time for others. To be honest with you I never really looked at it that way...until now.

When I read this story, and knowing that the parents of this sweet little boy will be celebrating mother's day without him broke my heart. The fact that I have a child close to his age brought me to tears, and I can never imagine what she's feeling right now. His talk brought back so many memories of my mother. Some good, and some sad. As I sat there listening to his words all I was thinking about were the happy moments of my childhood. I honestly don't remember celebrating mother's day as a child or young teen with my mom. Sometimes I wonder if she didn't care for that day because of the things that were happening in our house. Sitting there listening, and taking in his words about his personal life hit home. Jon, and the kids always manage to make me feel extra special on mother's day. I may not have lost a child, but I know how it feels to not have your mother there by your side to celebrate mother's day with you...especially when you're little. 

One good thing that came out of that experience is that I don't dwell on it, and focus on the strength in how far I've come in raising my family, and how they have made the past 19 years of my mother's days for me special. And that's what I pray for the parents of little Ryan. I pray that as time passes by she will have the strength to remember the happy moments that sweet Ryan shared with her for those three short years of his young life. I pray that she will feel a sign from him as each mother's day passes knowing that he is watching over her. I pray that she will be strong, and that in time her heart will heal. I pray that she will know that this mortal life is temporary, but that eternity is forever. And that one day she will be able to raise that little boy in heaven. 

*****

Motherhood is definitely hard, and as I grew up, no matter the situations that occurred in my childhood there were moments when I saw my mom care for me when I was sick, hungry, needed clothes, and longed for affection. Sometimes I feel as if I didn't get enough of the affection part, but you know what...that was okay. I am lucky that I've healed from all the heartache that was put in my path while under her care, but the most important thing for me in my life today is that I love her. I am grateful that she is my mom. For being a mom who did everything the best that she can....even in my darkest years. I would never change anything about my mom then, because everything that I endured throughout my childhood is the cause for who I am today. 

A fun, loving, happy, never giving up, strong, 'always there no matter what' kind of mother that will never leave my children's side no matter how hard life gets. My children are the greatest blessings in my life, and I'm so happy that three of them are still home for me to raise! 

I have learned not to be bitter over the things that happened to me, and to not put the blame on anyone for it. Although it took me many years to heal, and endless hours of counseling I learned that by being bitter, blaming others for the wrong turns of my life, and holding in all that anger was not the answer. I count my blessings for finding that light of happiness when I was 20 years old, and for having the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. But most of all I am grateful to have found a husband who helped me overcome all those demons, and to teach me what unconditional love is all about. 

Seeing all the beautiful photos of my friends with their mothers, grandmothers, and children on Facebook brought a lot of smiles to my face. I think my finger is a little tender from pressing the like button too much. It is so wonderful to have read the statuses in how they appreciate their mothers through the good, and trying times. It's refreshing to read positive statuses as opposed to the bitter ones. Keep remembering your mothers folks. and always treasure the happiest moments.