Coming Home.

Even though Sarah published this post on her blog three ago years I felt compelled to republish it on my blog in hopes that those who missed it will read it! Even though all my kids are older now, and in school full time I feel that it's still important to be at home when they come home. My full time job continues to be a "work from home" mom, and I continue to love it! 

sacrifice.

Looking at this picture I see a mother who has come a long way in understanding what it means to sacrifice. Now, the boy in the picture..he's the icing on the cake. It sure is amazing how you start off as a young girl thinking of yourself, and not quite understanding what the word "sacrifice" really entails. Especially when it comes to our children.

Then your married expecting your first child at the age of 23, and as soon as you have kid number one you question the word sacrifice. 

When kid number two joins the world, you recognize the sacrifices, and slowly you begin to understand what the word really means, and with kid number three you don't question the word...you just sacrifice. 

After three kids I hope that I have mastered the term sacrifice because if I haven't then clearly there is something wrong with me. It is then when we need to seriously start maturing and recognizing what it means to sacrifice, and work on it. 

Well, I think I have pretty much mastered it, and feel as if both Jon & I have sacrificed a whole lot for our children (still do)...especially since our son was born. 

Noah has been a huge blessing in our lives while living in Jersey, and because of him I have been able to withstand any spout of depression, drama or trial that has occurred in my life within the past three years. 

He has helped me learn. 
He has helped me grow. 
He has helped me develop patience. 
He has helped me feel a deeper love for others than ever before. 

Sometimes I feel as if our children make sacrifices for us only to help us. Not necessarily with the things of the world, but with the things that they give up in order for us to stay sane as parents. 

Things such as no sleepovers, playdates during the school week, going out with friends over the weekend, asking if it's okay to have the last of the cereal because they want to make sure we have eaten some. 

My oldest daughter will be graduating this year, and I am both nervous & excited for her. Nervous because I want to make sure she's taken care of while in college. I know that the college she has chosen will have most of the tuition covered. Still, I want to make sure that she'll get plenty enough to eat, and be able to get the necessities that she'll need while in college. I do have faith that she'll be in good hands, because she has a good head on her shoulders. She has learned a lot from my example as well as the stories I have shared with her in regards to my upbringing, and college life when it came to surviving.

One quality about her that I love is the fact that she is pretty good at saving money. We as parents are very proud at the way we have taught her when it comes to money. Although she loves to shop she's not a big spender. One good thing she learned from me is that she is a thrift shopper. Although we love clothes, we know how to shop. There are moments where I feel I can retake lessons from her. 

When I was growing up I remember how hard my mom worked and how much she would sacrifice to make ends meet. I remember wearing the same clothes year after year, and when your little it doesn't matter. Even when I was in high school I wasn't wearing all the designer clothes my friends were wearing. Sometimes I would even be a little jealous because my friend had the first pair of Guess jeans, and Liz Claiborne purse. As I look back I think to myself,  how could I have been jealous of those worldly things? Oh yeah...I was in high school.

Nonetheless I survived high school with the clothes I had (and with the clothes that I would seldom borrow from close friends) Today I continue to teach my girls that looks are not important, and what matters is what's inside your heart. I found the LDS church while in my college years, and I learned that real quick. It didn't matter what I wore as long as I looked clean in hygiene, and that my heart was in the right place with The Lord, and myself. 

It's amazing to see the change in your children as they grow up. I see it in all my kids. Especially Sierra, and Alexandra. They know when I'm sacrificing for them. Sometimes they'll even scold me, and say, "mom, I don't need it right now...you need to get yourself some new running shoes, or a new coat first." Not that I run a lot (or at all), but I've had the same shoes for a couple of years and that's okay. As far as a winter coat...I can't let go of my nine year old black Banana Republic peacoat just yet. 

When I'm feeling down, and their dad is working his tail off so that he can provide for us instead of venting to them about my hoopla I want to listen to their sorrows, or any issues they may have before my own. 

That's what mothers do. We sacrifice for our children, and for those we love. I saw how my mother sacrificed for us, and I learned what sacrifice is by doing it. I have no guilt, no regrets of putting my families needs before my own. I know that I should splurge a little on myself, but right now I'm thinking of my college girl, and the needs of the rest of our children. They are what matter now, and always.

Maybe our turn will come when our kids are grown & married with children, but even then I think we will always be sacrificing for our children no matter how old they are especially when it comes to our future posterity.

I don't think sacrificing for those I love will ever stop! It's embedded in my heart. 

to reflect with tears, hugs, praise & love.

"Our children our only ever lent to us. 

We never know just how long we will be able to keep them for. 

So kiss them, cuddle them, praise them, and hold them tightly. 

But most of all...tell them you LOVE them everyday."

I stumbled upon this quote, and I realized that since school started things have been...well...a little bit hectic. Not with the younger three, but with Sierra. Since the school year began she has been filling out common app after common app online, writing essays for scholarships, and sometimes I feel as if I have to remind her to make sure they are submitted by the due date. Although she seems to be on top of it...I want to make sure she stays there.

See...this is my first experience sending off a kid to college, and because I never experienced any of this with my mom it's all new for me. I'm sure sending our second child off will be easier, and our third will be a breeze, and our fourth (I don't even want to think about that because Noah is only three!) Bottom line is I won't be as stressed or nagging as much.

After sitting alone on the couch in the wee hours of the night I began to cry. I realized that I have been too hard on Sierra. Here is this sweet, beautiful young daughter of mine who makes an effort to come into our bedroom every single morning to pray with us. She brings home amazing grades, and is so talented. I realized that as a mother I've been hard on her on petty things...especially when it comes to applying for colleges.

I took a few steps back, read a couple of my entries on my blog, and in my handwritten journal, and this one made me want to be that non-nagging, non rushed mother again. I know that times are changing, but that doesn't mean I have to change with the time.

I don't want to criticize...I want to praise.
I don't want to yell...I want to talk.
I don't want to stress...I want to relax.
I don't want to rush...I want to take my time.

I want our children to know that I LOVE them, and that sometimes acting like a crazy woman is only because I want them to have the best. I want them to do better than me...especially when it comes to their education.

Still...I know that constant nagging, and snapping at our children is no answer to get them to do the things they need to do. Especially with the younger ones. Oh no...you don't want to do that.

I just want what's best for our children. I want to make sure Sierra has all her i's dotted, and t's crossed as she is preparing for college. I didn't have the GPA that she has while I was in high school, or the opportunities like she does, and I think that is one of the main reasons why I'm filled with encouragement (and nagging) when it comes to her academics. She has so much potential, and I know that she can get into a great college! I don't know how she does it with everything she is involved in at school, attending early morning seminary, and making sacrifices so that she can attend most of her young women activities at church. I'm not sure if I'd want to be in her shoes at 17.

I'm grateful for seeing that quote on Facebook, and although I think that I'm being a good mom, I know I can do better. Especially when I see the look on the kids faces when I am being super stern with them adding a mix of criticism... is not good. It makes me feel like a horrible mother, and even though I apologize...I don't ever want to do that again!

Sure there is plenty of praise, & "I love you's" going on in this house, but you know what...I don't want to say it in such a rush as they are walking out the door. I want to say it with meaning, and embrace them like never before.

Before we know it our kids will be going out into the world, and on their own. They will no longer be under our care 24/7, and so it is up to us right now at this moment to teach, protect, and love them. We don't know what lies for them in the future, but for now I want those hugs to be ever so tight, and those three words to mean so much more than just that...words.

I love you Sierra, Lexie, Chelsea, & Noah.

I really do!

xo-mom