February Is Here!

 

Well, it's been a while but alas we survived January and made it into February. Not much going on here on this little space of mine except everyday life with one kid in the house and constant texting and twice a week phone calls with my girls in Utah. On occasion the hubs and I will venture out on the weekends to unknown territory and go on Sunday drives to the country side in upstate New York or PA. I personally have found it comforting in not being online all the time or posting as much. I absolutely love writing and as much as I love to blog and journal I seem to be doing that less and less these days. I seem to be writing a summary of my week in one entry as opposed to writing an entry everyday. I do have a "one line a day Journal" in which I write in it everyday but let's be honest. I tend to skip a couple of days and luckily this is the fifth year of writing in this thing and I am not going to torture myself in buying another one of these five year journals ever again! 

Anyway, love is definitely in the air this month and hope that there will be love in your hearts not just this month, but all year round. 

A Little Valentines Day Message....

 

As my husband and I have gotten older Valentine's Day for us has become low key with spontaneous outings. We don't go all out for each other like we used to in our 20's showering ourselves with material gifts, flowers or chocolate but mostly with love letters. What we've realized in our 50's is that our love has become even more sentimental. Our love for others has become stronger. Sure we think of us but mostly we think of our children first. We think of our friends and family and anyone who may be having a rough time when it comes to this holiday. It can be the most romantic but also the most hated. Misunderstood and lonely for some. I just want others to know that you are not alone. Never alone. You have you. Love you. Take care of you. Make time for you. Find things that bring you joy that revive you with energy. Love is always there. It's in your heart. It's in your mind. You just have to know it, because it's always been there.  It took a serious love for God and a marriage to realize that I've always been loved. For me. Love is a beautiful thing and we have the choice to make it a beautiful one for ourselves and for others. Look for the lovely on this day and all the days of your life. 

So no matter what -  celebrate your love today. Whether it's for yourself or with your spouse, your family and friends. I wish you the best of today. And know that your are the first person in your life to be loved...by you. Remember that! 

 Happy Valentine's Day my darlings! 

Peace, Love, & Happiness Installation.

Here's hoping that the month of February treated y'all well and that y'all felt so much love this month than ever before. In spite of all the snow we got in the east and all over the country (71 percent of it!) I hope that everyone survived and endured the unusual freezing temps (especially in Texas.) I wish y'all more peace, love, and happiness in your future and in your lives. I hope that the next 10 months will bring more blissful moments. I hope that spring will come faster that we expected. I hope that each day we wake up we will have a good attitude and have positive days. I hope that your days are bright as all the snow we had. I hope that the worries of the world will be less on your shoulders. I hope that no matter where you are or where you live that you will find joy in all that you do, and with all that you see. 

**Peace, Love, and Happiness art installation is located at Pier 17. More photos below, and if you look at the last photo it's even more beautiful in the evening when it's overlooking the Brooklyn bridge.

"We Don’t Need To Be The Same To Be One."

I love this video that my church put out recently and with all the crazy, sad things that are going on in the world with our government, politics and, families being separated  that we can shed some light by being "that person" who chooses light over darkness. Hope over despair. Joy over sadness, and LOVE instead of hate. 

Spread Love With People Of Every Race.

Crazy things have been happening lately all over the news in regards to what happened in Charlottesville a few weeks ago, and with the recent events that took place in Barcelona. I didn't want to believe it. It's so heartbreaking, and sad. Now, I'm not one to talk about politics, or current events on line, or in a public forum because in our family we discuss matters at hand within ourselves.

I Love........

I love Valentine's day. It's a pretty big deal to me because it is all about LOVE. I mean...everyday should be all about love, but on this particular day is when I tend to express it the most. It is the day I get to express my love for my friends, my kids, and my husband. It's the next best thing to our anniversary. I love to write letters.

To The Fathers That Stay.

When I saw American idol this past Wednesday I couldn't help but to shed a few tears. Hearing Kelly Clarkson's song "Piece by Piece" rang so true to my ears. The lyrics to her song sounded all too familiar for me, and I was crying right there along with her.

Having my father leaving my mom when I was five was the hardest thing for me. Of course I was too young to understand why my father would do such a thing, but the feelings I felt were those that came from my mother. Seeing her cry, and getting frustrated when he would drift back into our lives three months, six months, sometimes a year later, and spend the night only to leave the next day without even saying goodbye would piss upset the hell heck out of her. I remember one of those moments when he did come back. I was probably about six or seven, and still didn't comprehend as to why he was doing this. I knew there was something lacking as I grew older, but at the tender age of seven I outsized my imagination, and blitzed right through any negativity that was affecting me. My father walking in and out on us became a normal thing, but still...something never felt right about it.

And now that I'm older, I realized it wasn't right.

One of my favorite memories of my father was when he drifted back into our lives again in the middle of the night. I remember how excited I was to see him. He walked in, and because our house was super duper small had to sleep on the bedroom floor. He told me that if I heard weird noises (imitates snoring noises) that it would be him, and to not be afraid. I remember feeling secure when he returned home one more time, and the love I felt for him when he said that. Still...the smile, and uttering those three simple words to him "I love you" was not enough for him to stay. The kindness I saw in his eyes when he said that to me was genuine, but it didn't last. And he left again the following morning only to never return again.  

Abandonment issues can really mess you up as a child emotionally and cause you to find "love" in all the wrong places. And sometimes not the right kind. In spite of all the trials I went through while growing up, I count my blessings for finding my way to softer pastures, and better relationships especially after converting my life to Christ. I knew that I didn't want to be with someone who didn't make family a priority. Someone who would walk out on us, that was abusive both physically, and verbally. Sometimes I wonder if that's why I had Sierra so quickly when I married. I wanted to have that happy ending. The Lord put an amazing man in my path that knew would never leave me or my child. And for that I will always be eternally grateful.

I know there are many fathers out there who for some reason or another have left their child(ren), and whatever you're reason may be know that you have a beautiful child(ren)out there who probably still wonders about you.

To the fathers that stay, I want to say thank you. Thank you for being there when you witnessed your child enter the world. Thank you for being there for your child to nurture, protect, and love. To be there to cuddle, and hold. To change dirty diapers, and make a bottle. To run to the store when you realized you ran out of baby tylenol, diapers, or wipes. To help wash numerous onesies by hand to take out the runny poop that splattered all over your babies backside. To stay up until the wee hours of the morning to help soothe a colicky baby while your wife is too tired because she had to deal with round one of a colicky baby during the day. To come home after an eight hour workday, and make dinner knowing that you're wife is still recovering from a c-section. To have the patience in dealing with a stubborn woman who wants to do everything, but you put your foot down, and allow her to rest. To be able to handle stress well, and not take out anything out on her. Not your bad day at work, financial hardships, or lash out on her because the house was a mess when you came home. To not expect dinner right at 6pm! To be there when they're cutting their first tooth, and appreciate all the hard work that you're wife deals with during the day. To hear their first word. To witness their first steps. To be there to pick up the slack in every aspect of motherhood, but most of all, to have had the patience to stay. Too understand what it means to be a father. To know that our precious children come from a loving Heavenly Father to learn, grow, and be loved. I say, thank you.

In all my life nothing matched that perfect moment when I married my best friend, and for the past 21 years has kept me feeling safe, secure, but mostly loved, and appreciated.

Not only towards me, but to all of our children. That's true fatherhood.

One of my favorite snippets from kelly's song describes both Jon and I far too well,. Love all the happy faces on the women at the end of her video too. Totally lived in the moment as I was watching it...again!

"Piece by piece I fell far from the tree
I would never leave her life like you left me
She will never have to wonder her worth
Because unlike you I'm gonna put her first
He'll never walk away
He'll never break her heart
He'll take care of things
He'll love her
He restored my faith
That a man can be kind
and a father should be great."

I still don't know the whereabouts of my father, and at this moment I'm okay with it. And like I mentioned in this post, if he were to ever find me, and return again I just might let him in.

"Fill The World With Love."

One of the things I miss about living in Utah is listening to the spoken word on a weekly basis by attending the temple. Temple square in the center of spirituality. The Salt Lake Temple had copies of the spoken word from that week, and when I got into the habit of attending the temple on a weekly basis I would always make sure I grabbed one on the way out. I can't even begin to tell you the strength I received every time I would read it. Lloyd Newell's thoughts were so inspiring, and always wanted to make me a better person. And you know something, I believe at times it did.

I remember the type of person I was ten years ago while I attending the temple on a weekly basis...softer, kinder, and super duper patient as opposed to where we live now. There are times now when I feel a little rushed, and let's be honest...hard, and bold. Don't get me wrong, I'm still the nicest person you can ever meet, but luckily I catch myself in the things I say to those I come in contact with whether it's my neighbors, strangers, and people at church. I go through major withdrawal when it comes to not going to the temple as much, and till this day have not become used to not going. Attending at least five times a year is probably better than nothing, but man do I miss attending every week! I never want to come to a point and say, "I'm used to not going as much." If anything, I miss going to the temple once a week. I'm so grateful that the Philly temple will be opening up in september so that I can go every week. I always strive to watch my actions, and even though I'm not perfect I will recognize my shortcomings, and work hard to not let it change me completely! It's been tough not being able to go to the temple as much as we'd like, but the memories of all the good things I did while living in Utah, and all the spiritual experiences I felt at the temple will always be etched in my mind. Especially listening to the spoken word. Luckily we can access it online today with just a click of a button!

As I was organizing one of my folders of old newspaper clippings from the church news, and various handouts I received from church throughout the years I stumbled upon a stack of the spoken word pamphlets. There was one in particular that caught my eye, and goes very well with the purpose of this post, and how i feel about the world today. No matter how hard life gets, or how ugly the world may seem, I know that I can make it beautiful for myself, and my family, and fill my thoughts, and actions with love. 

Lloyd D. Newell said, "Love is the most powerful force in the universe. Love blesses both giver and receiver, and resounds in hearts forever." He continues with saying, "It's true that we're all born with differing interests, capacities, strengths, and weaknesses. But one thing we all need is to receive and give is love. We need it in order to grow into the kind of people we're capable of becoming. More loving, more courageous, more loyal. All virtues have their root in love." 

How true that is. 

My children, no matter how much they may drive me crazy keep me grounded when it comes to joy, and rooted in love. They are the solid footing to my everyday life, and because it's Valentines Day weekend want them to know how much I love them, and how I would do anything for them to keep their hearts happy. 

There's a quote I shared in this old post five years ago ( gosh my kids look young!), and it reminds me of what Valentines Day means, and how expressing love to one another is important. It is my hope that no matter how hard some days may get that I will always look at it positively, and always, always express those three words, "I love you" to my family every day. 

Happy Valentines day weekend! 

BE KIND & EMBRACE LIFE.

Hello, and a happy Monday to all of you. 

Last week I decided to go for a walk at a park where I used to take Noah before he started kindergarten. I was thinking all about the things in my life that have happened which has led up to this day. Going for a walk through the woods can really make you think, and do random things. And so I felt prompted to do a video and share a bit of my story about my suicide attempt back when I was about 15 years old. As I was sitting down on a bench I began to thank God for all the good he has given me. In spite of everything I went through to get me to the place where I am today life has been pretty wonderful. I'm alive, I'm breathing, and although some days are not as bright as I'd like them to be I strive to seek the joy in the little things. One being my kids. And how grateful I am for them. How lucky I am to have survived all that I've endured so that I can have the life I have today with my sweet family. Thank you a million times over to the man upstairs for giving them to me. 

Although World Suicide prevention day was last week, I wanted to share my thoughts, and story with you. Please excuse the pauses, and the umms in this video, because this was done so randomly. I originally was going to just blog about it. This vlog post may not be eloquently spoken, but I hope that my words will somewhat be enticing. For those of you who watch I hope that you will feel the passion, concern, and genuineness in my voice that being kind to everyone you meet even when you don't want to be is important, because you never know what that person is going through. You never know what is going on in their life behind closed doors in their home. You just never know. Kindness can come a long way to a person. Especially when they are a little kid. And when one expresses kindness or even acknowledges you with a smile man, oh man will they realize that there is a God, and that there is a beautiful thing called "life" just waiting to happen!! 

Here is a piece of my story...

Be Kind & Embrace Life. from Rose Jorgensen on Vimeo.

TO MY HUSBAND: THANK YOU FOR BEING SUCH A HARD WORKER.

In the past 20 years life as a married couple has never been easy. Unless you count the time we dated, and the two years I knew you before we got married then that's different. Because in those days, life seemed easier. But in between the hiccups, the tears, the fighting, the massive yelling, the disagreements, and almost breaking up we, together with God on our side, and the faith that we have we managed to survive, stayed together, and in the end relied on each other like never before. 

Times have changed since we've moved to the east. Times have changed since we had our son. Times have changed since our oldest daughter graduated from high school. Times are a changing every day, and there is nothing we can do about that, but to continue to make our life better, and marriage stronger. To be a good example of what it's like to be a married couple, a wife, a husband, a mother, and a father to our children. And with all that change, we've changed. And all we can do from here on out is do the best we can with our ourselves, our kids, and always remember our purpose in this life, and who we are. 

And i always pray it's for the better.

I may not show it enough, but you mean the world to me. The times I've gotten after for you for not picking up your dirty clothes from the floor (that's my fault because I usually have the hamper in the basement due to endless laundry), the way you snort when you laugh, when you don't put the toilet seat down (which is very rare) are things that are petty such as leaving your contact solution out because that can easily be put away are things I shouldn't fret over too much, for one day I will miss them. Human nature causes me to react in such a way, and what I should be acknowledging are the times you cook for me, take the trash out for me, take the recycling bin out, drive our daughter to seminary at 5:30am every morning (thank goodness that's over), the way you serve others, and most of all...how hard you work at your job. 

You are my 'hard working' blue collar husband and I've never been more proud. 

You do what you have to do in order for the kids and I to survive. You work hard. You don't mind getting your hands dirty. When you lost your job two years ago you prayed your heart out for another. And you were blessed. But when ends became tough for us to meet with that job, you prayed even harder for an even better job. And once again, your prayer was answered in a heartbeat. 

That's when you got on board with the brown (UPS.)

You never say no to us when we feel the need to "get away" even if it's going for a drive around south jersey. You never say no when the kids want to go to the park even on a Saturday after you've driven for a few hours with work. You never grow weary of reading them a bedtime story almost every night especially when you've had a long day at work! You always want their tiny hearts to be happy. You always want us to be happy, and fulfilled. You are nice to everyone including those who disrespect you, or flip you off on the freeway due to their indiscretion in driving. 

Know that I believe you are the most precious, and unique gift the Lord has blessed me with. Know that I appreciate everything that you do to provide for me, and our children.

And most of all...know that even though I may be expressing more frustration than affection...that I do, and will always love you. 

And that will never change.

Thank you for being you, thank you for being a hard worker, and for never giving up on us. 

Happy Father's Day my love! 

And to all the father's out there too...have a wonderful weekend! 

Make it great! 

Love With A Happy Weekend.

Last summer I met this sweet couple at a nearby park and normally when there are other moms at the park with a small child Noah will immediately befriend them (he's not afraid) and of course that's my cue to start a conversation with them. First of all I love, love meeting people, talking about my family, and all the reasons that make me happy in this world. And those things that keep me happy in this world are...the gospel of Jesus Christ, my family, great friends, and God. I had an interesting conversation with them, and one thing that really opened my eyes when I was sharing my religion with them is the fact that her husband said to me, "One thing I've learned in all my years whenever I've gone to a church is that God is love...pure love. You can go to church every Sunday & serve, but what should come out of your service & attending church is having genuine love."

Love, love, love.

Man was he right on, and it's so true that attending our meetings no matter what religion we are, and having the gospel is truly all about love, & we should act upon it. 

So with  General Women's meeting being held tonight, and general conference being in a week I will be focusing once again on heeding the words of a prophet and all his leaders. No matter how different each of them are when it comes to their talks I always find the inspiration that I'm seeking for, and feel the love they all have for us through their words. I always leave with a fulfillment so deep! 

I'm so happy to have two of my daughters coming with me tonight for the General Women's meeting. We miss Sierra, and wish she could share this special evening with us, but pray that she too will be listening, and seeking guidance from the words of our church leaders. 

Have a wonderful weekend! 

The Shore Brings Constant Joy.

Going to the beach the other day was the perfect remedy to the week I had, and is always the answer to the stresses of life. Not that I stress a lot, but seriously...with Robin Williams death, and the rain that we've had lately really brought me down. Even though he wasn't someone I knew personally, he was someone that my heart connected with in laughter, and escape. His escape from his depression was making us laugh, and my escape from all bad things that were surrounding me throughout my childhood was watching him on a 19 inch black and white television set laughing my head off  to  his character of Mork. Some of y'all may be laughing while reading this, and voicing how he was just another celebrity who took his own life, but to me he was a big deal in my world (including my family's.) And the way that he left the world saddened me, but life goes on. And after the rain forms a beautiful rainbow, and to me that is a reminder from the divine telling me that life is good. Having my little boy running towards me, and clinging on to me every time a wave would crash into his tiny body testifies to me that I am his safety guard. His solace. The one he'll run to when something scares him, or freaks him out. The one who always wants me to be there every time he tries something new. The one who wants me to see that he discovered his own footprints in the sand. And that even though they wash away he can make those footprints reappear. And just like that we can come back from having a stressful day and revert it into one of the most happiest, and meaningful days of our life. 

This day at the beach was so unique. So unique that the waves were pretty massive! In all the times we've ever been to the beaches around the jersey shore I've never seen them so high, and "fluffy". It was a perfect day for anyone who loves to surf. 

I was sitting from a distance watching the waves & it was so neat to see three rows of them coming together as if they were steps, and to see the sky turning into a different color as the sun was setting was absolutely beautiful! 

There were other people who were standing close to the water just as Noah and I were in the picture above just staring at them. I can see that I'm not the only being in this world who comes here to escape, and be surrounded by this kind of joy. Watching and listening to the waves was so RELAXING! I love it here! If I lived even 20 minutes away I'd be here everyday just to sit and listen to the waves crashing. So to those of you who live right across the "sand" from a beach I sure hope you're taking advantage of it because I'd trade places with you any day!

The beach is truly one of my joys.

Living an hour away from the beach is such a blessing, and I'm so grateful we make the time to go. The kids always, always have a blast when we come. Even though they are content to go in our little backyard to splash and play in their little blue pool, the look on their faces when I tell them that we are going to the beach today instead is a kodak moment. One that will be etched in my mind for always.

And now for some photos. I didn't take too many as I was too busy inhaling God's beautiful creation. Lexie was a fanatic at taking pics too!

 ^^^ Digging for treasure and attempting to build a sand castle is always a must before anything else. ^^^

 ^^^ Then comes playing in the water. ^^^

 ^^^ I spy a surfer dude. ^^^

 ^^^ These two are longing to learn how to surf. ^^^

 ^^^ How about a double high five for the waves that we're getting! ^^^

We could have been here all night. So thankful for this day, and for the strength that I have in having faith in myself to know that there is so much to live for, and have constant joy for this thing called life. It's awesome, and I wouldn't jeopardize it for anything in the world. I love myself, and I love my family! 

Hope y'all have a wonderful weekend! 

Accepting the Flaws of Motherhood.

“Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else's happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you're not sure what the right thing is...and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.” ~ Donna Ball

This is by far one of my favorite quotes. As I look back at my life when I first became a mom thinking how hard motherhood was going to be I couldn't fathom how it was going to be to take care of a 4 lb little baby at the age of 23 and you know something...it was pretty hard. It does get easier with each child depending on the personality, but sometimes we have to go through those rough patches, and bumpy roads to get better because let's face it...some of us usually screw it up with our firstborn, and somewhere along the mix we all have to have a wild card. Not too wild I hope, but I know that I have made a lot of mistakes as a first time mom, got a tad bit better the second time around, and with my third I feel as if I made some amazing progress. Now with my son, well...let's just say that mistakes continue to be made and there are times when I feel I know I shouldn't spoil him, but sometimes I just can't say no to that sweet face of his. But I know this... I know that I'm doing the best that I can with all of our children. 

Motherhood comes with a mixture of heartache, love, compassion forgiveness, and every Christlike attribute you can think of. When you mix that recipe together all that matters in the end is knowing you did your best. And the way you'll know is by hearing the words that come out of your children's mouth at the end of the day...such as "I love you mom." Especially when they finally received their own solid, firm testimony of the love they have for the Savior, and God. Even after all the mistakes, and hardships that they make in the end we love them with an unconditional heart bigger than our own.  

Writing this story the other day wasn't easy, and it definitely wasn't the way I wanted to start out this beautiful month of June, but sometimes I need to just let it out you know? And after hearing the lesson taught in Relief Society this past Sunday I felt the need to share it. I know there are many of us who have trials of a different realm, and some of us may feel like we don't know how to overcome them, or have anyone to talk to about them, but there is one thing you can have and that is hope. Hope that you'll be able to overcome any adversity that prevents you from being the type of person you want to be. Hope from being the kind of mother that brings such a loving and guiding spirit. We need a lot of love in this world, and some of us can't do without that. 

Praying your heart out with patience, and slowly eliminating the things that make you unhappy is a first step. Writing things down in a journal of the do's and don'ts of the pros and cons that you do and don't want in your life really helps. (hope that wasn't a confusing way to put it!) Going back every night to read what you don't want to do, and what you really want to do helps. Answers, and a change of heart may not happen overnight, but I am proof that it can happen. Each day I strive to be the best mom, daughter, sister, wife, and friend out there to everyone. 

Motherhood has flaws, and I will always have flaws because I know that I'm not perfect, but that's what makes me so unique. Motherhood will always have its imperfections, and I'm okay with it. Heavenly Father knows me, my true friends know me, and my family knows me, and that is all that matters to me. I know that everything that I had to endure throughout my life then was for a purpose,  and all the negativity that I sometimes face today is for a reason. To be strengthened, to be tested, to forgive, to love, to understand, to see if I'll turn the other cheek, to stay on that righteous path of eternal life, and to never give up on the Lord on building up my testimony. 

And being the best mom I can be. 

A Battle That I Will Win.

I was looking through our photo booth on our mac and found this picture on Sierra's iPhoto. I had to post it because it helps me remember the times when these two get along, and have fun without any altercations. It's hard to believe that this photo was taken sometime early last spring. This photo will be documented as a "lock it in moment" for me. Anytime they do something naughty in the future I can look back at this photo, and have a mommy mantra that'll get me through my "mean mom" phase. It helps me see two happy kids having fun taking pictures on our computer while I thought they were on PBS kids.org.  

Come to think of it...there's a reason why I'm always taking pictures. It's like therapy for me. 

But just remember that no one is perfect. That there is no mother that has it together, and that our life isn't always rainbows, and butterflies. That only God judges, and knows what truly goes on in our hearts, and in our mind...especially mine. 

That everyone has a battle they are fighting to win. 

Yesterday at church in our Relief Society class a lesson was taught on how we can overcome our weaknesses, and strive to do better with our life. Especially on the things that are keeping us from staying on the right path and fighting hard to not fall off of it. Although there are times when we'll have many a slip ups we can always repent and find our way back to eternal progression and try our hardest to never look back. This particular lesson was very emotional for me, and I feel like the Relief Society President and I are like kindred spirits because sometimes I feel we are on the same wavelength when it comes to discussing certain topics. We had a good discussion on looking back and remembering our baptism. Questions were asked about how we felt the day we changed our lives, and cleansed ourself from all the naughty things we had done in the past. Still...just because we got baptized doesn't mean that life is going to be perfect. Just because we got married or sealed in the LDS temple doesn't mean our marriages are going to be struggle free. Just because we have children doesn't mean they are going to make our life any easier, and just because we go to church every Sunday doesn't make us a perfect family. 

This is the part when I have to fight extra hard, and remember all those "lock it in moments" including the day our children were born, the day of my baptism, and being sealed to my family so that we can be strengthened on continuing that path towards the greater good so that we can reign with our loved ones including the Savior forever and forever. 

Although my kids say I'm the greatest mom there is that dark cloud that sometimes hovers over my head telling me different, and this is the battle that I feel keeps me from being that great mom. 

As a middle aged mother with a toddler life can somewhat take a toll on me especially when I'm keeping up with three older daughters, and even though my oldest is out on her own doesn't mean I don't worry, or keep tabs on her. It seems that the older I get I will always be their mother advising, calling, nagging (in a good way), and I'm hoping that once Sierra has met her eternal companion that will all change. I think I've gotten better at giving her time and space so that she can govern herself now that she's 19, but in the end I'll always be there for her (even when she's married!)

It's amazing to see how resilient my kids are after having raised my voice at them for misbehaving. Telling myself over and over again that I don't want to be the kind of mom that constantly yells or nags on them for the silliest things. I gave up a long time ago with Noah's toys being scattered all over the living room floor. Luckily he has learned to "clean up" on his own, and I give thanks to the cartoon "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood" for that one. There is more to life than cleaning up legos, cars, trains, and every piece of matter that Noah brings in the house from outside. They are still happy even after reprimanding them and it makes me feel guilty because I grew up in a house where there was a lot of yelling, cursing, hurting, and screaming. I remember how quickly I'd get over the hurt my mother caused when she'd yell, and smack my sister and I with the belt. I remember how much it hurt and there is no way in hell that I'm ever going to go down that route with my kids. There's a reason why I don't own many belts come to think of it. Scars take time to heal, and the worst kind of abuse is the verbal kind. I know I'm not following down that path, but the physical kind is what I endured the most. 

There are times when one of the kids will do something that'll spark a repressed memory, and I have to fight the "old Rose" from coming out. Or times when my daughters are going through some petty drama with friends, and it reminds me of the times I had to deal with dumb girls like that in my teenage years. I remember my mother getting upset wanting to contend with those girls including their mothers, but the difference is that she didn't have a firm foundation of the Lord, or gospel to help her overcome those trials, or moments of extreme motherly overprotectiveness. 

I do. 

And I fight hard like hell not to make that happen. 

When those moments pass I thank the Lord for sparing any kind of desire that would cause me to take my anger out on my children, or contend with anyone. I have to admit that when Sierra was a toddler I began to hit her. I realized I needed some serious counseling when I left a red mark on her sweet face, and even though I received counseling I feel as if there are times when I can still use it. That's the dark cloud that often tries me from time to time. I have also cried my eyes out to the point where I've gotten a headache because I feel so guilty for being like my mother sometimes. I know that it's my turn to break that chain, and I'm fighting hard like hell to make it happen. I'm grateful for the faith that I have with God knowing that I can continue to heal from any trauma that I've witnessed, and suffered from my past. I want Noah to know that I'm not really mad when he got his brand new Toms muddy, and wet. Or when Lexie busted her G string on her violin from tightening it too hard last Christmas. I want Chelsea to know that the "mean" looks I give her are not hateful, but stern because I want her to learn right from wrong. I want Sierra to know that words said in anger are never meant, and that I would never backhand her sisters, or her brother like I did when she was little. I don't want to ever hurt my children in any way. I know how it feels to be beaten, hurt, and abused both physically, & emotionally. I don't want my kids to experience any of that. I want them to know that the battle I'm fighting is one that I will win, and that sometimes I have to be tested. But in the end I will fight like hell to pass it. (sorry for using the word hell to much.)

^^^ my jorgybirds, circa-Spring 2010 ^^^

I want them to know that I consider them my "jewels", and like stones they are priceless, precious, and very rare. That they are all of a different cut. That I love them all uniquely, but equally. 

Looking at these photos reassures me that I have amazing children that continue to love me unconditionally and have helped me keep it together no matter what. The older they get, the smarter they get, and the smarter they get the more they know how to handle a mom like me. I'm also grateful for a husband who has the patience like Job to have faith in me that I can do this. That I can fight those demons that cause any repressed memory to come back to haunt me. That I have broken this chain in it's entirety and never have any of our children hurt their future posterity, and so forth, and so on. 

That I will completely be healed from every single kind of abuse that I endured, every repressed memory that comes back, and never pass it on. 

That I can continue on that path to eternal salvation, and live happily with my family, friends, and God forever and ever. 

I pray. I pray. 

lovely young women of virtue.

When we arrived at Vanessa's place to gather with some of the other young women in our ward before mormon prom to take pictures I began to tear up just a bit. Everyone looked so beautiful, and this was definitely a kodak moment! Six years of living here & I have seen most of these girls blossom since the age of 9...including my own daughter, & now she's 14! When did that happen? Seriously Lexie...stop growing!

For some it was their first Mormon prom & for others it was their final. But look at them...they all look gorgeous!! 

I'm so proud of how far these young women have grown to be who they are. Each of these young women carry a unique personality, and are on a different level of spirituality. They carry themselves together really well, and although they may have had some struggles along their coming of age they have all managed to keep it together by never giving up on the Lord. Knowing that they are all daughters of a kind, accepting, and loving Heavenly Father gives them the peace to know that despite any adversity that comes into their life they are never alone. Luckily these girls have each other, and because they are all so unique in their own way, they each help balance each other out and that's what makes them get along so well. They all know how to love, fellowship, accept, and show kindness to others no matter the circumstance. They are our future young women leaders of the church, and virtuous daughters of God, and I love them all! 

Mandatory photo that had to make it into the blog. My wonderful friend Faith took this photo of Noah photo bombing it...too cute! 

This photo is majorly obligatory for the blog with Chelsea's little squint and all. Chelsea and Melanie have become little buddies. I love both these girls, and Melanie...if you're reading this I want you to know that you have come a long way in showing how much you have matured in the gospel, and how far you have come in life to being an example that other young girls can follow. I pray that you will stick to your values, and never let anyone bring you down. The only thing that matters in your life and in your heart is the love that you feel for others, and the Lord. You are loved by so many! Stay strong, and you will go far in life. 

This goes for all of the young women in our ward, stake, and all over the world. You are all beautiful in God's eyes. Stand firm in what you believe in, and stay true to your standards. Your beliefs are what define you, and strive hard to live by them. Remember the values that y'all were taught that we recite every Sunday. Be yourself every day of your life, and others will see that special light in which they want to have. Be a good example, share the gospel every chance you get, & always listen to the promptings of the holy spirit. Most of all...love! Love, love, love everyone that God puts in your way...even the ones that hurt you. Love & forgiveness is the key to happiness, and that is what the gospel is all about. 

"I truly believe that one Virtuous young woman, led by the spirit, can change the world."

~Elaine S. Dalton

general conference on a sunday with a side of gratitude, & love.

The gospel is about love. God is about love. Service is love. Kindness is love. God is love. It should be that plain and simple, but in this day and age it usually isn't. Luckily I have gratitude in my heart that connects with love, and compassion because without those two things, I don't think I'd have a big heart towards mankind. My neighbors, my family, my friends, and yes...even those who may dislike me, or who have wronged me. 

I really enjoyed President Thomas S. Monson's message of love this past Sunday. He said, "Love should be the heart of family life." Fortunately for my family of six it truly is. I tend to focus on the positive side of love. That's the kind of love I want to pass on down to my posterity. I don't want them to experience the kind of love that I learned while growing up. I always remind them to pray for that special love which is the one like Christ. Luckily we have a song titled "Love one Another" as a reminder for our children whenever they sing it in primary as well as for us grown ups who may sing that simple hymn during a relief society and/or priesthood meeting. 

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf always hits me to the core of my soul with his words. This is one man who is so in tune with the spirit that he knows exactly what we need to hear, and how to be. President Monson certainly knows how to choose his counselors.

Love and gratitude definitely tied into each other for me at this year's conference because without a good attitude I don't think I could ever exhibit the love I have for everyone. Within the past four years I have truly learned to be grateful not only for the blessings I receive, but for the trials as well. I find myself being in a state of major thanksgiving when I kneel down in prayer praying to Heavenly Father for every single hardship that has come our way while living in Jersey. Even more and more for all the trials I have experienced on my own. Call it maturing in age or in the gospel, but when I humble myself before God I have a heaviness in my heart that I sometimes can't believe how grateful I am for the "big" things I've gone through in this life...especially with with my family. I know that because of those trials our lives have been blessed, and have made us stronger members of the church. Having an "attitude of gratitude" makes a huge difference in our lives, and it continues to strengthen our spirit, and overall makes us a better person. 

This year's conference was so special. Special because it is the actual and accurate day of the Savior's birth. Seeing Noah looking up at the picture of Jesus Christ next to the Bishop's offices with a huge smile on his innocent face reassures me that he knows who He is. He even said, "Happy Birthday Jesus." That was a precious moment!

I absolutely love this time of year, and it certainly was a perfect day for conference. The weather was just the right temperature, and the signs of spring such as the sun shining with green grass is proof that winter is finally coming to an end. 

Elder Quentin L. Cook's talk on family history gave me even more motivation to not get complacent in my genealogy. Just because I have a few family names doesn't mean I should stop there because the work of the Lord never ends. I have so much work to do for my side of the family, and it brings me tears to "sense" that some of them are waiting on the other side praying and hoping that it's their turn. And when I finally do their work it's a sense of fulfillment, and pure joy! 
I sometimes find myself in a dream state. Maybe I'm being hard on myself, but there are moments when I can't believe I have a family this wonderful. With all our imperfections, bad days, exhausting days, drama moments, and "tiger mom" moments having the gospel of Jesus Christ, and knowing that "we have the atonement to make up for life's imperfections" ( as Gary E. Stevenson quoted) makes life tolerable.

Today was one of those days where the only thing that mattered was hearing the words of our church leaders with my family (excluding Sierra who had the opportunity to watch conference live...lucky her!)

Six months goes by way too fast, and before we know it October will be here with another conference & a mixture of fall to show it's beautiful colors.

Luckily we have back issues of the Ensign to read up on past conferences.

**In case you missed conference you can watch, listen, or download any of the talks here.

**How did you like conference? 
**Is there any specific talk that hit the core of your soul? 

General Women's Meeting with my nine year old.

"Heavenly Father sees greater potential in his children than ever your earthly mother sees." 

~President Henry B. Erying

What a unique experience it was to have had eight to eleven year old young girls invited to General Women's meeting. When I heard about the age change I was so excited! Not only is it my job as a mother to teach my daughters true principles of the gospel, but taking them to conference at an even younger age is so important. 

This past Saturday I had the privilege of escorting my two daughters ages 14 & nine for a lovely dinner, and to watch the broadcast afterwards. This age change is indeed an advantage being that girls these days seem to be growing up way too fast & their need for spiritual guidance in preparing them for the young women program by taking them to women's conference is so important. 

Mothers & daughters in our ward gathered for an evening of spiritual fun, bonding with my nine year old by making washer necklaces, and playing a "getting to know you" game with the other mother and daughter duos in the ward was absolute fun! Dinner that evening was prepared by some of the brothers in our ward, and we are so grateful for the time they took in doing that for us.

Watching conference on the big screen in the chapel gives it so much meaning & it makes me feel as if I'm actually there. Made me a little homesick to tell you the truth. Seeing so many faithful mothers with their daughters sitting in the conference center made me miss my oldest daughter who is currently attending college in Utah. 

The messages tonight were so important about sisterhood, and how we truly need each other. We are all that we have, and our daughters are looking up to us as their role model to learn a proper behavior as to how we treat our fellow sisters. No matter how old my girls get I want them to become a faithful daughter of God & for them to pass it down to their prosperity. Society is changing everyday & as sisters & mothers who hold the truthfulness of the gospel it is our responsibility to pass that down on generations to come. 

President Erying brought me to tears throughout his whole talk on how he emphasized on treating every person we meet as a child of God. His words were so encouraging, and I pray that I will continue to strive to see every human being in that nature. It's so true when he said that we are more alike as daughters of God than we are different. We all carry the one thing that makes us strong, and unique as one and that is the gospel of Jesus Christ. When we love, forgive, and are kind to one another we are being like our Father in Heaven, and that "divine inheritance" comes from Him. 

Women need women, and as sisters in the gospel we truly need each other. No matter how old we are we need each other. Some of us may be at the level where we may be comfortable in how we love, but in the end we truly need to love each other better. That is my hope, and I pray that I can be able to exhibit that to my children, and to sisters I meet everywhere around the world. 

Now we plan to "unplug" just a bit by being tech free this week by spiritually preparing for the 184th annual General Conference this weekend!

***If you missed the General Women's broadcast you can watch it here. 

Have a great week!