Thoughts Of A Stay At Home At Age 47.

H. Burke Peterson said, "Do without if you need to but don't do do without MOTHER. Mother is more important in the home than money or the things money can buy. Our Father in heaven wants you to be in your home to guide these spirits as o one else can, in spite of material sacrifices that may result. He created you to learn to be a good mother-an eternal mother. It is your first and foremost calling. No babysitter, no grandmother, no neighbor, no friend, no Relief Society sister, older brother, or sister ore even a loving dad can take your place."

My Focus On Raising My Boy.

I know some of y'all read my previous post about my assault, and although I was saving the nitty gritty for a "memoir" I'm hoping to write someday didn't want to put in all the gory details. Heck, I didn't even want to put it out there globally for my readers to read, but felt it appropriate to mention it because of the Ford Vs. Kavenaugh hearings, and now that I'm older, and "wiser" with grown kids (well, two of them are) hope that they will learn from this. Especially my oldest daughter who, unfortunately went through the same thing herself. 

On Being a Playful Parent.

“Children don't say, 'I had a hard day...Can we talk?' 

They say, 'Will you play with me?'"

—Lawrence Cohen

An Inspirational Thought To Strengthen Our Children.

"There is a spirit working among the Saints to educate their own offspring. 

If our children will be all we will have for a foundation of glory in eternity, how needful that they be properly trained.

There are wolves among us in sheep's clothing ready to lead astray our little ones.

Wolves do not devour old sheep when there are any young ones. 

I have herded sheep long enough to know that. 

Look after your children."

-John Taylor 

Coming Home.

Even though Sarah published this post on her blog three ago years I felt compelled to republish it on my blog in hopes that those who missed it will read it! Even though all my kids are older now, and in school full time I feel that it's still important to be at home when they come home. My full time job continues to be a "work from home" mom, and I continue to love it! 

20 Things To Let Your Children Know That You "Like Them."

The other day as we were tucking Chelsea into bed she asked Jon and I this question, 

"Ummm, mom, dad...do you like me, because it looks like you like Sierra, Lexie, and Noah more."

You can imagine the look on my face when she asked me that question. The look was called guilt, and I was not surprised. I wasn't surprise because I feel as if I have been somewhat focusing my attention more on the oldest, and the youngest. I looked at Jon with a sad look because we both know we haven't been doing enough for Chelsea lately. 

We've been putting our energy and focus more on our oldest daughter who is out west trying to figure out her goals in life. As parents we can't help but to worry, and so we both know that we can't coddle our almost 20 year old too much because she makes her own decisions now. We realize that we can only give her advice. That still doesn't mean she's going to listen, but we have a voice, and can still give it. And the attention that I always give to Noah is because he's the only boy, and because time is fleeting I tend to focus more on him during the day...well into the evening! And as far as Lexie goes she seems to have her life under control. She's a 15 year old with a good head on her shoulders, and so we don't meddle too much in her life. We meddle just enough to let her know we love her, asking about her day, and constantly reminding her to make wise choices in all that she does. 

But enough about those three. 

My focus right now is on Chelsea. 

She has definitely become the middle child, and don't middle children get the least attention? I would never know because I wasn't the middle child. After talking to my mom yesterday for what seemed like forever (and we could have been on the phone all day long) really got the two of us thinking. She was telling me all about the mistakes she made with me, and how ignorant she was when she found out about my molestation because she didn't do anything to stop it. Till this day she keeps apologizing to me that it happened. She didn't know how to handle it. Like she said she was ignorant and clueless as to how she could have handled that situation so it made me think that she didn't love, or care for me. Especially since she stayed with the man until the day he died. All has been forgiven, and I keep telling her that, and I'm sure there will come a point where she will stop apologizing for it. 

There's nothing like that going on in our home, but there has been a lot of stress lately. And when I focus more on that stress than our children there's an issue...especially when a child asks you if you still like them. 

Although it may seem that I do give enough attention to her through photos life isn't "all that" with me. Truth is I really haven't, and there is no excuse. And I think that is why she has been lashing out to get our attention. Constantly fighting with her brother, and picking on Lexie when she comes home from school. I am grateful that she leaves her sassiness, and drama at home and that she doesn't take it to school or church. Her teachers both at school, and church constantly praise at how well behaved she is, and how helpful she is to everyone. Sometimes those are the kids you have to watch out for. I would have never known what was bothering her had she not told us, and for that I am extremely grateful to have a daughter who is not vague. Who is bold enough to tell us to our face with respect how she feels, and what's bothering her. She loves to talk, and now I know why. She is her own personality, and because she's so bold it makes me pretty pleased. Knowing that she won't keep anything inside like I did when I was little gives me hope that she will always make the right choices in this life. Just as she did the day she was bullied at school for defending one of her friends. That's the kind of child I'm proud to be raising. But not too proud when a child tells me, and her father (out of all people) if we like her because we aren't being too attentive to her. 

Well...that is all going to change. Time is fleeting with all of our kids, and you would think because they are all five years apart that it would be easier. Well...surprise it's not. It doesn't matter how far or close apart we have kids in age. Everyone has it hard. Motherhood is hard period. It doesn't matter whether you're 20 or 40 having a child. We just have our own different way of showing it, and handling it. 

So after having my daughter ask me the "do you still like me" question, and having the long talk my mother and I had about all our sad experiences that turned into wonderful memories here are some attributes that we can develop  and things to do as parents (at least for me) that will help our children give them an assurance that we do in fact like them, and I mean truly "like" them. 

In other words LOVE them. 

Go on more date nights.
Always kiss them goodnight. 
Read them a bedtime story. 
Hug them every chance you get. 
Ask them about their day when they come home from school. 
Compliment them not only on their accomplishments, but on the little things as well. 
Constantly tell them they are beautiful (or handsome!)
Splurge and take them out for ice cream (before dinner!) 
Let them know if there is something bothering them that you will always be there to LISTEN.
If they bring home a bad grade instead of reprimanding them, tell them "it's OK" & to do better.
Always believe them when they say they are being bullied, or mishandled in a way that is not appropriate.
Make them their favorite dinner & bake them their favorite dessert. 
Focus on their positive strengths more than their weaknesses. 
Help them with their weaknesses, and reassure them that they are strong.
Be a fun parent, and go outside and play with them at the park (or in the snow!)
Stop saying, "Just a minute" and tend to their needs (especially when they say PLEASE!)
Seriously listen to what they say whether it's a story they experienced at school instead of looking bored!
Give all your kids equal time so that they see no one is a favorite.
Pay attention, stop yelling, and always say I'm sorry.
Always tell them you love them. 

Yes...the past few months have been a little rough, and I am guilty of not accomplishing some of these things. Even though I feel as if I'm doing enough for my kids I know that as a parent, and mother of four I can do better. 

We can always do better. 

Giving each of my children equal time, and focusing on them at the same time can be tough, but finding balance is key. Not worrying too much is key. Yes...I believe that I am a good mother, and I know it'll all work out so that the question "do you like me" will never be uttered in our home again. 

"The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention."

~Richard Moss

Have a happy weekend! 

It's That Time Of The Year Again!

We each have our own seasons-a time to be a student, time to be a new bride, an time to be a mother, a time to have a career, and /or a time to share the accumulation of our life's knowledge with others. 

With these seasons, we are also given choices to make. We can fully embrace each season for what it offers us, enjoying each moment so that when the season passes we have no regrets. Or we can try to overlap each season, trying to appreciate all these joys at once, only to find we can't adequately keep up with any of them, and greatly  increasing our stress in the process.

If you are in the seasons that calls you to motherhood, focus on that season. Embrace all that your child is, and all that god is calling you to be as a mother. 

By surrendering to God an your motherhood, you will call into play all the gifts, intelligence, and creativity with which God has blessed you. By savoring this season, you will find peace, a joy and a level of self-discovery that simply cannot be found in the workaday world. 

~Lisa Popcak, "Parenting with Grace''

the one about "R" rated movies.

^^^ picture via google ^^^

Growing up my mom had the tendency to take me to R rated movies. Some of them were soooooo not appropriate for a child, but when you have no babysitter what do you do...take the child with you & and that's what she did. So in a sense it wasn't my choice because I was a kid, but now that I'm an adult I have a choice as to what movies I want to watch. 

One movie that I'll always remember seeing with my mom is The Warriors. I didn't really understand it as a nine year old kid, but watching it while in my teens oh yeah...I really enjoyed that movie (still do...shhhh!) One thing about that particular movie is the fact that it portrayed gangs, New York City, & Coney Island. It wasn't an influential movie but it sure taught me to not be affiliated with any gangs, or cause trouble for anyone. 

I don't judge my mother for some of the movies she took me to see. I actually thank her in some instances for showing me that there is more truth & feeling to life in the movies rather than sheltering me from the world outside of the movie, hence having an open mind.

As members of the LDS church we are advised to not watch R rated movies, and I normally don't, but if I ever do I guarantee that they are movies that will make a difference in our lives. The "R" movies that I have watched have been influential, inspiring and most importantly it teaches me to teach my kids that sometimes movies show more of the truth than just a book with just words, or an 'R' movie that has been edited for television, and pre-edited over, and over again. 

I have heard parents complain about the movies they have their kids watch in high school, but in all honesty I am grateful for some of the movies they expose our kids to.

First of all if it is a movie that's not going to teach my kid morals, and the only meaning you get out of it is to have sex, get drunk, scare you to death to the point where you end up going to bed at night with the lights on until your 30, or the ones that murder for a dumb reason without no meaning behind the story...then I agree. Bag it. Have your child do extra homework, stay after school, or whatever it is they have them do.

But...

If it's a movie that I know is going to have a huge impact on my child teaching them about the history of the world whether it's good, bad, graphic, ugly, or sad, then yes...I will sign off on it. 

Why...

Because the movies that one of my children have watched thus far have been influential, and inspiring. 

After reading this article I have to agree that there are some PG-13 movies out there that show more violence than the R rated movies depicting true stories from U.S. history.

They show these movies for a reason. Whether they're rated R or PG-13 I commend them for not sheltering our kids, and that they are allowing them to watch such movies so that they can learn, and have a better detailed understanding of what historical movies are all about...especially the ones that show cruel reality. 

My oldest daughter Sierra, took a holocaust/genocide class in her senior year last year which consisted of having her watch movies such as Schindler's List, Hotel Rwanda, Behind Enemy Lines & American History X . She was old enough to make her own choice at the time, but still asked us if it was okay to watch them. As a parent I personally feel that it's important to expose our children to certain movies that depict the ugliness of man so that they can get a better understanding by seeing the full picture. I can't even begin to tell you how much she learned & developed the truest of compassion for human kind. She had a lot of 'aha' moments, and matured in many ways by watching these films. Two of these movies were rated R & I signed her permission slip fully supporting it...without judgment. 

Last Friday Jon I went to the movies to watch 12 Years a Slave and yes...it is rated R. I have been wanting to watch that movie since the Oscars aired. Learning how Solomon Northup was abducted and sold into slavery in 1841, and seeing how wicked the nature of man can get really makes me appreciate his story.

Some people may feel that they don't need to watch the movie because they read books, but again...I personally will not shelter my kids in anything that will teach them about "reality" in the world now and then. Books are great, but sometimes we need to go in depth, and see the realness of human unkindness, and how brutal history was through a film. 

Movies such as the ones they showed in school can be life changing for all generations to come. I just learned that 12 Years A Slave will be added to the high school curriculum in September, and I'm glad. I feel that every teenager and parent should not only read the book, but watch this harrowing true story because it shows unimaginable strength, courage, and survival. It truly is an extraordinary story.

I have no regrets in giving my daughter  permission to watch the "R" movies in her holocaust/genocide class, and no regret in watching 12 Years a Slave because that is what happened folks. It's called history, & if we don't teach our kids about history...then history can repeat itself. Having our children learn about the past can shape the future. In most cases today...sometimes history is the present. 

**If you're a huge U.S. history buff here is a list of influential movies that are true stories that I really appreciated. Unfortunately some of these are rated R specifically for graphic war scenes, & language, but that's how they portray it folks. It's realistic, but uplifting at the same time...at least it was for me. 

Glory
The Patriot
The Killing Fields

The Pianist
Platoon
Saving Private Ryan
Amistad

and a list of some of my favorite PG-13 movies that are influential (& true stories) as well!

Lincoln
Empire of the Sun (one of my all time faves!)
Malcolm X
Gandhi
Amazing Grace

Now go to town on your netflix to watch one of these movies. They are all good! 

Have a great weekend!

life lately with sick kids.

I am not used to sick kids...like at all! I am always grateful when Jon is around to calm me down, and take over when I start to freak out. I am reminded of a scene from Terms of Endearment when the parents come home from a date, and Shirley Mcclaine walks in and practically climbs into her child's crib to make sure her baby's breathing! While she's doing this her husband is saying, "she's asleep Aurora." For god's sake Aurora, she's asleep!" Or heaven forbid acting like her in this dramatic scene when her daughter becomes ill with cancer. I always get a kick out of those scenes every time I watch it. Well....my life certainly isn't like the movies, but I can assure you that I can be kind of like Aurora every time I feel one of my children isn't doing so well. 

We have been very blessed this winter with no one getting sick...until now! Why, oh why do my kids have to get sick. I myself have caught myself catching a cold, and sneezing every now and then, but I immediately take medicine, and try not to stress so that my cold doesn't go into full mode. I've been really blessed with a strong immune system this winter, and that I haven't gotten sick. Still...that doesn't mean that I won't ever get sick. I truly believe that Heavenly Father is looking out for Jon and I who both can't afford to get sick especially at this time with all the sickness going around so that we can help each other out to tend to our sick children. 

Jon is such a good sport when the puking begins, and when that happens I immediately hand Noah over to him. My heart can't take it when he starts throwing up. I begin to cringe, and cry. Funny how I can clean up the puke, but I can't take it when his little body begins to shiver due to barfing.

Chelsea has been tough and strong, and this is the first time she's ever gotten sick. She missed two days of school for the first time this year, and has always fought the battle of overcoming severe sickness. But when you have other people's kids coming to school sick it's hard not to avoid it...especially when you have one sitting right next to you. Poor Chelsea...luckily she's feeling better, but I wish that these kids would stay home when they're sick! I know that some of the parents can't help it because they both work, or some of them are single parents, and can't afford to call in for work, but I really wish there was a way where parents can keep there kids home when they're sick. It's dangerous, and scary when a sick kid comes to school because you never know the extent of their illness. I just pray that all those sick kids get well, and that their folks advise their kids to always wash their hands, and cover their mouth when they cough or sneeze. Something that kids don't do in class...according to Chelsea, hence her getting sick. 

Luckily Lexie's cold didn't last very long (sorry no pic). It's a good thing because she's going to be singing, and playing the piano for the talent show at her school tomorrow! I honestly believe that the Lord is looking out for her as well because of all the things she's involved with in and outside of school. 

Each day has gotten better and better for them especially when the sun is shining. We take each day as it comes with hope for a better tomorrow. 

Now if only winter can officially be over so that Spring can officially begin! I love seeing the kids happy...especially little Noah with a smile so big! 

the mischiefs of noah.

Having a boy after three girls has been completely different. The past four years of watching my son grow up has been extremely interesting. I look forward to every new word he's learning (thanks to PBS kids), every bad habit he has learned such as constantly picking his nose, and wiping it on the couch. I have taught him to grab a Kleenex since then and it seems as if he's getting the concept of why we have tissues in every corner of our house! 

Boys are definitely different than girls. There are so many similarities yet so many differences. One of the sweet things I remember him doing at 15 months old was having him help me sweep a portion of the hardwood floor with his tiny broom. I had to capture that moment on video, and looking back he seemed so small having done that. 

All toddlers at one point climb out of their cribs, but my kid's style of climbing went from climbing onto the computer desk to jumping back into the crib as if he was a gymnast. Having his crib next to our computer desk didn't help, and the fact that the changing table was on the other side gave him opportunities to pretend he was climbing more than just out of his crib. The first time I saw him do that nearly gave me a heart attack, but then I asked him to do it again just so I could capture his gracefulness!  
Spilling milk, and making messes in the kitchen is so common with toddlers and because I had three girls before him who did similar spills was not as bad as I thought it would be. My temper was calm, and what made me smile was that on his own motive he grabbed some paper towels, and began wiping his own mess. I didn't yell at him at all which was a shock because us mexican moms usually let our temper out on any petty thing. It seems as if my patience with this kid has been much more tolerable than it was with my firstborn. 

^^^ circa, 2011 (15 months) ^^^

He was potty trained at the late age of three and a half (that's late to me), and boy was it a struggle to get him out of diapers. There are days even today when he won't use his stool to help him off the toilet. He'll just slide off the toilet seat causing some poop to stay on the seat. I was wondering why he was yelling out, "mommy I got caca on the toilet seat." Of course being the trusting mom that I think I am led me to believe that he meant "being done going caca" in the toilet. He was then calling out my name louder, "mommy, mommy I need help wiping my butt." I then get up to walk down the hallway only to see a trail of dark chocolate looking poop with stained underwear on the tile floor. I couldn't help but to chuckle while he was bending down patiently waiting for me to wipe his bum. Even though he's quite capable of cleaning his own bum he wanted my approval to make sure it was wiped thoroughly clean.

There has never been a dull moment with this kid, and witnessing everything he has learned in the four years of his life thus far has made me proud in the way I am teaching him. 

^^^ Noah, age 4-present day ^^^

Funny thing is that he's also teaching himself how to do things...in his own way! 

**This post (plus my sharing on social media)  was inspired by my participation in a campaign initiated by Dropcam. 

Technology is a miracle...especially when you have a daughter away at college.

As each day goes by with three kids keeping me busy, and entertained having Sierra away at college gets easier and easier...with time. I miss her, and there are so many times I wish she was here with us to join in on the fun when we go on road trips, long drives, watching movies together, and our late night talks. I especially miss her playing me some Muse, and Downton Abbey on the piano, but I know that she is where she needs to be. 

I know for a fact that she loves being surrounded by mountains, having fun going to school, shopping with grandma & Aunt Emily, playing with cousins, eating at In and Out Burger (jelly), finally working to learn more responsibility, and without talking too much about her personal life (that's what her personal blog is for)...having a boyfriend. Wait...did I just say the B word? Boyfriend! And I'm okay with it? Wow! Seriously though...I look back on the day she asked her father and I if she could have a relationship with a boy so she could experience how it would feel like to have a boyfriend. Her dad and I were like, "what cliff did you fall off from, and why do you feel you must have a boyfriend?" There is absolutely nothing that states in the For the Strength of Youth handbook that indicates, "Must experience an exclusive relationship with the opposite sex." I don't think so. After learning how kids should start to date at the age of 16, I personally feel that kids under the age of 18 should not have any serious relationships. None. Nada. Why you may ask? Because at the age of 12, 14, 16, & even 18 they are way too young to experience such motions in which they may not be ready to handle. Relationships are tough especially at such a young age. Gosh...I wish I would have known all about the double dating rule at 16, and in not having serious relationships in high school back in my day. It could have saved me a lot of heartache, but I would never take anything back. Anything! Everything that I endured, and learned about boys, partying, and all that other dumb stuff in my teen years has made me the strong woman, and mother I am today. Especially when it comes to raising daughters. 

This is when technology is a miracle, and the social media guard is not needed! haha! We read scriptures as a family via Skype the other day, and have decided to trrrryyyyyy to do that on the days she's not working or not too busy with homework, (or Nicholas). It'll be challenge being that there's a two hour difference between us, but we'll certainly try to keep her included. 

^^^ skyping rules ^^^

^^^ FaceTime is a miracle! ^^^

Skyping with Sierra the other day was bliss, and she's definitely maturing. Kids nowadays need to go through some pretty rough patches in order to learn lessons, and grow both mentally and spiritually. I would never wish any of my kids to experience the hurt, and heartache I went through at a young age, but if the Lord puts anything in their path that is hard in order for them to learn, and grow from...so be it. I know from experience that going through some rough patches helps us to become firm, and strong in our testimony with God, and makes us a better person.

I know that Sierra is in good hands living with her grandparents in Utah, and having met Nicholas (the boyfriend) has really helped her in understanding everything that she has learned since the new year began. I'm telling you...there are certain returned missionaries out there who really are mature, and Nicholas sounds like good people to me. Funny thing though...he told Sierra that he is actually learning a lot from her, and she is three years younger than him! 

I am so grateful that she is in such good hands right now. She has been blessed with great things...being closer to family, a job, attending college, great friends that remembered her since she was eight. She's pretty lucky, and so is everyone who gets to meet her. Like I said before... if you didn't get to know her while she was living in Jersey, or gave her a chance in friendship you missed out.

^^^ photo via Sierra's instagram ^^^

What a gal...I sure am proud of her, and all the choices she has made in order for her to find her place in this world. 

We love and miss you Sierra! xo 

my life lately without the "social media guard"

Okay. So I saw this coke commercial the other day & I  personally think that anyone who doesn't have a smartphone clearly doesn't understand what it feels like to really have a smartphone, and if they do well then they really don't know how to put it to use like I do. I love my family, and the fact that I am a stay at home to one child at the moment (who is my only son) I really put that smartphone to use. Especially when it comes to capturing the moments. Notice that I wrote capturing moments instead of taking pictures. There's a reason why I "capture the moments" of the places we've been, the food we eat (or make), places we eat, the things we do with our kids, sleeping, and the way they eat a particular kind of food. It's called memories, and they are ours.

I mean...just look at my overused Instagram account. 

I personally think that the commercial is somewhat over exaggerated...at least for me. Sure I think there are a lot of us out there particularly the "younger" crowd who are addicted in constantly taking photos of every little thing, but I'm not on my phone the entire time we are out on a date, family outing, or enjoying the comforts in my own home. Besides...I don't have any pets to take pictures of getting out of the box! LOL!

I have will power, & know when enough is enough. I have balance & there are times when I don't even "capture the moments." I'm too busy having fun living in the moment that I don't need a "social media guard" thingy around my neck to get off the phone and notice my surroundings including the people I'm with! 

While I got a good laugh over this video & the fact I am a coke drinker (it has to be the Mexican kind) made it better, and it's all good. And to prove to you that having a smartphone at that moment is an advantage so that you can post it right away for your loved ones to see, I've posted a few of those memories here. I am grateful for that instant gratification when it comes to technology in capturing these moments, and I'm not ashamed to say that I LOVE to take pictures...I mean capture the moments! 

After all...all of this is being written, and photographed for my posterity!

And now the iPhone photos...

Chelsea's choice.

There was something so pure & 'different' when Chelsea was born. I know and understand that all children come down from heaven with different personalities, and boy did Heavenly Father sure make this one different. A little too different. But remember...different is good. 

She is the only one with straight hair, daddy's teeth (not too bad of a thing unless she needs braces), daddy's calves, daddy's cheeks, dimples, basically- everything daddy! 

The only thing that made her unique from her sisters as an infant is the fact that I never had her ears pierced. I actually wanted this child to make the choice on her own as to whether she wanted to put them holes in her ears. 

And this past weekend, in the ninth year of her life she made her own choice. 

Sierra and Lexie didn't...

Sierra was born with the deepest, olive, most beautiful colored skin with so much hair people would pause to take a look at her and say, "what a beautiful baby boy." My response was a sarcastic "uh...she's a girl thank you." Then again I don't think that wearing teal, and light yellow onesies throughout the first six weeks of her life helped people see that she was a girl. Seeing my sister pierce her daughters ears as an infant made me a follower and my immediate thought as a young first time mom was- when you bear a girl (not a boy) you pierce their ears period. So with that being said, and the fact that 95 percent of Utah's population thought Sierra was a boy caused me to pierce her ears. 

Lexie was like my little personal doll. I loved dressing her up in cute outfits, and as soon as she turned a month old I ran to the nearest mall to pierce her ears. There was no excuse for piercing her ears because she looked like a thumbelina doll. I only wanted her ears pierced because well...it would make her an even cuter thumbelina doll, and since her sister's ears got pierced might as well do it with this one too.

It's a totally different story with Chelsea. I think this is another reason why she's so unique, and why I myself felt so differently after I had her, and why I hesitated when it came to piercing her ears. 

That's when I truly learned about what it means to have a "choice." 

First of all please don't think I'm a weirdo for my explanation, and reasoning as to why I wanted Chelsea to have a choice in making the 'ear piercing decision.' I wanted her to think for herself, and to know that she has a choice about everything she does in this life. 

She was the first child to be born after being sealed in the temple, and my feelings of simplicity, and purity bursted inside of me as soon as I entered in. I wanted my life to be as it is whenever I enter inside the temple...clean, unworldly, simple, happy, and different. I wanted it to be like that when I left too. 

I wanted things with this child to be different, and this is where I think Heavenly Father has a sense of humor because he sure brought someone down that was completely different from her sisters in every. single. way!

When it comes to 'things of the world' we tend to make choices for our kids such as getting them into pageants, dance, and acting classes. Soccer, and music lessons. I mean...we all want our children to be athletic, and talented but not at the expense where they are going to regret all the things that we as a parent thought was for their benefit. 

For example-I see so many infant and toddler boys my son's age with earrings, and funky haircuts. Gosh I hope that doesn't sound judgmental but I would never do that to my son. I would want him to make the choice at an age where he understands what having an earring on your ear means, and why he's playing on this big box of wood (piano.) And although I will encourages lessons, and sports i will not force him, or any of sisters to do something they don't really want to do.

That's how I felt about Chelsea. I wanted her to see for herself, and to know that this is what she wanted. Just like with piano lessons. She loves playing, and if she told me she didn't want to take them anymore I would pull her out of it. I'd probably be sad, and wonder why, but seriously...I would. I don't want my child to be miserable and resent me when they're 8 or 12 for forcing them into something they never wanted to do. 

Lexie took both piano and violin lessons, and told me two years ago that she prefers the violin over the piano. I was okay with that (saved me some money too!) Same with Sierra, and I guarantee I'm going to do that with my little man. 

I want them to be able to make their own choices in this life because nowadays society (as well as pushy parents) make it for them, and I refuse to do that to my kids. 

It feels so good knowing that Chelsea made her own decision, and that I didn't jump at getting her ears pierced as an infant. It feels really good! This may be petty for y'all, but this is a big deal for me because she and I will be the only ones in the family who'll actually know how it feels to have our ears pierced by a needle. No pain, no gain.

I was sixteen when I pierced my ears, and I had to pay for them. Luckily for Chelsea she didn't. 

 

And she was one happy camper afterwards. 

learning to let go & govern themselves.

The hardest part of having children is not having them, or raising them, but letting them go off on their own. To learn, to discover, to experiment, and to govern themselves. Govern themselves. "We as parents have to teach our children to govern themselves" is a saying that I kept hearing when Sierra first started the young women program. In all honesty the first time I heard it, and I mean really heard it I felt a little uneducated as to what it really meant. And I wanted to learn.

See...I didn't understand any of it. None. Zilch. Nada. Govern themselves??? What do you mean? What is that? I wasn't a member of the church at birth, eight, twelve, 15, or 18. So...can you please explain it to me? And eventually they did. I learned and grew with the values and standards this wonderful church has taught our kids, and it has made me a better mother as to how I am raising these girls. 

One thing for sure is that I didn't nor will I ever understand the pressures that come with being raised in the church, or being the only Mormon in high school. Having us parents telling you, teaching you that drinking and smoking is bad. That you can't wear sleeveless clothing, two piece bathing suits, or short, short hootchie shorts that practically show paris, london, and france. That you shouldn't go shopping or go to the theatre on Sundays. That dating begins at the age of 16, and only go on double dates. No. I will never know the feeling of being a raised a mormon as a youth, but I do know the challenges that I had to overcome. The changes that I needed to do in order to become a much more happier person. I was 20 when I joined. Oh yeah...my rebellion, sexual promiscuity, & partying stage was all in my past. I didn't want any of that. Anymore. 

Swearing...we hear it all the time. In school, in books that are assigned to our children to read during high school, and unfortunately...on the home front. You heard it here first folks. Swearing...that is a weakness even for me. Shocked? Yes...I swear. I'm a mormon, and I tend to slip up every now and then. Remember I'm not perfect. No one is. But I recognize that slip up, try my very best to bite my tongue especially in front of the little ones. I've gotten a lot better at it, and it comes in full swing when I'm very stressed or that time of the month. I apologize, and I say to the girls, "it sounds ugly doesn't it?" Especially when that PG-13 movie that we were watching had the word F*!# in it. It sounds horrible. Funny...maybe, but it still has no meaning as to why they say it. Now I can see why we shouldn't watch R rated movies. As awesome and intense (Air Force One, the Terminator), historical (last of the Mohican's, Glory, and The Patriot with Mel Gibson), and dramatic as they may be (Argo, Blood Diamond) I shouldn't watch them. Oh...but I love The Last of the Mohican's!! Oh well...no one is perfect. Still...movies that have a lot, and I mean a lot of swearing in a sense that they should have just titled it F*!# has no interest for me. I hate it, it sounds awful, and I end up feeling terrible afterwards kicking myself why I didn't have the strength to turn it off. Well, now I just avoid watching them altogether. 

Sierra was fortunate to have made good friends, non mormon friends in high school who knew her standards and have respected her when it came to swearing. They'd cover her ears, or mouth the words behind her back. In all honesty...Sierra  has never said a swear word ever (at least not around me.) The first time I heard Sierra say "hell" was when we were discussing the changes in her curriculum, and unforeseeable future at UARTS. She didn't mean to say it, but she is just ready to have this semester over so she can transfer, and start new somewhere else. She said, "Mom, I just want to get the hell out of here." I was shocked, and said to her that even though its in the bible that we shouldn't say it too much! In my eyes it's okay to say it, but then again maybe I'm justifying that in a sense to say or write when appropriate.  I told her to just try not to say it too much, and she knew. She even felt weird afterwards saying it. Here I am a mother who slips a swear word every now and then telling her not to. Yes...I feel like a total hypocrite which makes me want to do better. So much better! It's so sad how circumstances can cause our minds, and hearts to be saddened, and we feel that swearing will make it all better. It doesn't. So...clean language is a value that is important to me, and seriously something that I have to work on.   

Early morning Seminary...don't even get me started on that. I have absolutely no idea how it feels to wake up at 4:30 every morning five days a week excluding holidays for four years to learn about all the important books that keep a person sane, fulfilled, happy, knowledgeable, and spiritual. I know that it helped Sierra endure her four years of high school, and helped her handle any trial, catty drama, and just "life". I know that Seminary is a great tool for the youth, and I am grateful that she got a taste of that. 

Girls camp for four years, EFY, youth activities, personal progress, and so many wonderful church youth programs that are out there to make a kid strong, but that's not always the case. Again...I didn't have any of this growing up, and when our kids go off to these exciting, and testimony building adventures it can help them spiritually, or not. Some go through the motions. Some forget. Some rebel. Some start talking back. Some end up not caring. Anymore. Some give up. I have seen it...not with my kids, but other peoples kids, and it's scary.

So after witnessing teenagers, returned missionaries, and young adults go through these stages of life of inactivity in Sierra's earlier years has helped me for that moment to have her learn to govern herself. Because I wanted her to learn on her own. To know what cause and effect mean. I have seen the despair a parent has when their child has gone wayward, and it's heartbreaking. I still see it.

And then...they turn 18, graduate, apply for college, and leave the house. Live in the dorms. In the city. Philadelphia. Yes, it can be scary. It can be dangerous. Certain people were concerned for her, and I understand why. Luckily...she has survived. She has learned. She has persevered every experience, every trauma she has witnessed (a suicide, gang violence, even putting herself in a situation which could have been worse) Those are her stories that hopefully someday will share with you. But for now...she strives to be the most bubbliest, happiest, carefree, always smiling, loving, funny kind of girl. 

She is my daughter. My firstborn, my solace, and sometimes...my close to perfect example. I love her, and like my mother has told me that she had to learn to let go of me, the last one to have departed the nest...I also have to learn to let her go. Luckily she isn't the last one left in my nest.

And I will. I have to. I have to learn to accept, and support the choices in her life as well as the rest of our children. Her wants. Her needs. This is her time to learn. To discover, and enjoy a different type of freedom. I pray that her thought process, and level of spirituality will not go askew. I pray that she will continue to live up to her standards, to never forget who she is, and to remember everything that has been taught in her life both temporally and spiritually, and that she will take it with her no matter where she goes in this life.

**This talk really helped me when I understood what it meant for our children to learn to govern themselves. It is awesome, and really helped. Really!