A Simple Sweet Mother's Day.

There were no fancy dinner reservations, flowers, or chocolates given -only thoughtful texts and phone calls from a couple of friends and family. I love that I don't expect much. I love how my kids give me hugs and kisses and do the best they can in knowing how much I mean to them. I love that by going to church on mother's day helps give me the strength to endure and press on as a mom - especially at my age! I love how much I trust in Heavenly Father to know that I am raising them the best way I know how and to know that these kids are made because of Him. 

Melancholy Days....

Lately, I've been feeling a sense of loss. Loss of time passing by way too quickly which is probably why I'm taking super advantage of spending so much time with our last two kids in the house. I don't always feel this way. It comes in spurts, and often at times when Sierra and Lexie leave after visiting me from college. Milestones such as school dances, birthdays, and graduations will trigger it as well. 

Inspirational Thought.

Rushing and a tight time table do not equal happy moms or happy babies or happy toddlers. 
Settle in. 

Settle in at home with your role as a mother, 

embrace it fully and trust that the time you give these years-if you give your children your attention, 
and structure and find ways to enjoy your days at home, 

it will all pay off. 

-unknown

A Little Mother's Day Post.

"To those who are mothers, and to those who are not. To those who have mothers, and to those who wish they did. To those who are living their lives fully, and authentically, through all its ups and downs. We want you to know you are enough!"

Thoughts Of A Stay At Home At Age 47.

H. Burke Peterson said, "Do without if you need to but don't do do without MOTHER. Mother is more important in the home than money or the things money can buy. Our Father in heaven wants you to be in your home to guide these spirits as o one else can, in spite of material sacrifices that may result. He created you to learn to be a good mother-an eternal mother. It is your first and foremost calling. No babysitter, no grandmother, no neighbor, no friend, no Relief Society sister, older brother, or sister ore even a loving dad can take your place."

Things That Help Me Get Through The Winter Blues.

There was a time when I felt that self-help books were ridiculous and that I didn't need a book to tell me how to think, parent, or behave. Self-help books may not be for everyone, but I guarantee this one really helped shape me into thinking happy! With the weather being dreary with snowy weather that doesn't last really long can really put us in a bad mood. I thought of this quote from this book and wanted to share a few things as to what can make us get through our days and week. 

Inspirational Thought.

"Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world. 

Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord’s kingdom for the next 50 years. 

That is influence; that is power." 

Julie B. Beck
(Draper Temple, Utah)

My Focus On Raising My Boy.

I know some of y'all read my previous post about my assault, and although I was saving the nitty gritty for a "memoir" I'm hoping to write someday didn't want to put in all the gory details. Heck, I didn't even want to put it out there globally for my readers to read, but felt it appropriate to mention it because of the Ford Vs. Kavenaugh hearings, and now that I'm older, and "wiser" with grown kids (well, two of them are) hope that they will learn from this. Especially my oldest daughter who, unfortunately went through the same thing herself. 

On Being a Playful Parent.

“Children don't say, 'I had a hard day...Can we talk?' 

They say, 'Will you play with me?'"

—Lawrence Cohen

An Inspirational Thought On Motherhood.

"Mothers decide to stay home not just because they are tired of juggling family and career; not just because they want to "be there" for the first word and the first step; not just because they have found that a rich home life requires persistent personal investment.

Educating Our Children In The Gospel.

"It is a duty we owe our children to see that they get an education; 

but the education of the heart,

education in the Gospel, 

a testimony of the plan of salvation,

is the foundation that we should lay in the breast of every child." 

-Heber J. Grant

A Little Encouraging Post To Myself, On My Birthday Weekend.

It's Friday and we are gearing into the weekend in which I know will be spiritually edifying! General women's conference, and my 46th birthday are both this weekend and to be honest I couldn't be more excited. I love attending with my girls, and celebrating my special day with people I love. Nearing my 50's doesn't scare me too much. Maybe it's because I see my sister aging gracefully, and the way she embraces life, and her age is impressive. Same with my momma. She's in her 70's, and looks as if she's in still in her 50's. So grateful she's doing well with her battle with cancer and all! 

Making T-I-M-E For Our Children.

There have been many times when I have written in past blog posts how its nice to give "quality time" to each of my children, but as I look back on how that sounds I am not too thrilled about that saying. There are also times when I have mentioned giving equal time to each of my kids, and I like the sound of that a lot better. I don't always want to spend more time with the other, but there are times when I have. When Lexie was away in Utah recently I had so much time being with Noah and Chelsea! They truly make my life worth living, and there was never a dull moment when their sister was gone! Time was never ending with these two!

Coming Home.

Even though Sarah published this post on her blog three ago years I felt compelled to republish it on my blog in hopes that those who missed it will read it! Even though all my kids are older now, and in school full time I feel that it's still important to be at home when they come home. My full time job continues to be a "work from home" mom, and I continue to love it! 

On Mothering More Than One Child.

I often wonder how it would be if I only had one daughter, let alone one child, but then I look my girls, and my son, and think to myself...no way. Having three daughters has been a blessing, and it has really helped me distinguish certain things in my life. I love how I look at other moms with one child, and their life seems so easy, and great. But then I look at my life and even though it's not perfect I feel as if i hit the jackpot with these kids. Especially Noah. He is my dreamboat. My miracle baby. My solace. Having him at a later age in life changed my perspective in how i see things. Especially since he was born in South Jersey. 

Always Speak Kind Words to Each Other.

But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another. -Mosiah 4:15

A "husband and wife have a women responsibility to love and care for each other, and for their children." "The home is to be God's laboratory of love, and service," said President Russell M. Nelson> 

"Our Heavenly Father wants husbands and wives to be faithful to each other, and to esteem and treat their children as an heritage from the Lord."

In the book of Mormon, Jacob said that the love that husbands had for their wives, the love that wives had for their husbands, and the love that both had for their children was among the reasons the Laminates were at one point more righteous than the Nephites. (Jacob 3:7)

One of the best ways to invite love, and harmony into our homes is by speaking kindly to our family members. Speaking kindly brings the Holy Ghost. Sister Linda K. Burton, Relief Society general president, asked us to consider: 

"How often do we intentionally "speak kind words to each other?"

Not only is this the visiting teaching lesson for the month of August, but Jon, and I also taught it this past week for our FHE lesson. It seems like so many of us speak unkind words to each other. Sometimes without even knowing it. Not knowing how hurtful, or detrimental it can be to the other person. 

As a mother I know that I have been guilty at speaking unkind words to those I love, and I know I can do so much better. I have seen the difference in my kids when I have uttered words in anger, and how their demeanor changes. I see that it hurts, and how they will go to Jon telling them how I've been a "mean mom" today. 

After writing this post that's what has caused me even more to change, and treat others better. Whether it's family members, or any human being that crosses our path. As a member of the church it is my right, and duty to live as Christ is. And although I'll never reach perfection, I know I can always try. 

So thankful for the teachings of the gospel, and for a prophet that leads and guides us today in these latter days. There is nothing more peaceful than waking up, and reading the scriptures. Whether it's the bible, the Book of Mormon, a whole chapter, or even a verse. Just reading a snippet of one of those books, and seriously pondering, and studying it will help my day be better. The spirit of the Lord tends to be more calm, and peaceful when I put God's word first. 

I love the stories, and messages that are given monthly to us from our church magazine. When I read them my soul is uplifted, and i always try to imagine my life in one of the stories. Kind of like a "what if." Some of them I can relate to, and the ones I don't I can only imagine. 

So as we continue to settle in our new area, and place I hope to always speak kind words to others. To my new neighbors (which I hardly ever see) strangers, every member of my church, but most of all my family, and especially my children, because they are the ones who are learning from me, and watching my example.

Here's hoping everyone has a wonderful weekend! 

Be Still, Listen, & Never Take Anything For Granted.

I find myself to be more in tune with the spirit of the Lord, and spiritually focused when I'm by myself in the house, or when the kids are asleep. It has been a very long time since I've actually had a couple of hours to myself, & I'm beginning to really appreciate that time when I'm alone. No work to be done in the house, no job to have to rush to. No tv on for background noise, nothing. Just pure silence. I've never felt extremely needy for the Lord until now. it's amazing to me that I don't even have a desire to turn the TV on or log onto the computer to scroll through social media after the kids are gone. My priorities are seriously changing more now than ever before. Maybe it's my age, and the fact that all of my kids are getting older, and that they are, even at a young age, are beginning to find what the meaning of life is. Yeah...that's it. I know that when times get tough I tend to turn towards god more. It shouldn't be that way, but I have been praying a lot lately. Praying that i will continue to study the Scriptures every day and not just read them through quickly, but to sit down, think, and I mean really think, wonder, imagine, hope, and pray that even though the days can sometimes be bleak, that the sun will eventually shine after a long storm, and that there are better days ahead. That when one of my kids are having hard times that they will know to always turn to the Lord in prayer for answers, and healing. That my faith will never falter knowing that the decisions my children make especially when it comes to a spiritual one is correct, true, and inspired by God. I know that I have taken the Gospel for granted at times and even though I read with my family in the evenings on a daily basis, and pray with my family, my guilt of not reading the scriptures on my own as much as I'd like has been getting to me, and I don't want to do that anymore. I love my family. I love my heavenly father, and I'm so thankful for all the things that He has put me through in this life to learn so that I can grow spiritually. So that I can appreciate what's around me more, and not even care about the drama that goes on in my surroundings, or social media or how many likes i get on my pictures or the comments that are going to be left on my posts. What matters to me is the time that I have with my family, my friends, and to appreciate the life that I have been given. To pay more attention to the tiniest things that at times I've felt may be unnecessary to pay attention to. 

Prime example...

Noah showed me a picture the other day. He drew a picture of a heart with two stick figures inside, and one was colored red and the other blue. Blue because that's Noah's favorite color, and red because that's Jons. He then asked me to write, "to daddy, this is a heart for you. love noah" and you know what, I stopped what I was doing. I was in the middle of blogging , and immediately got off the computer. I paid attention to him & asked him about the picture and told him how beautiful it was. that his heart was perfect, and that he is perfect, and that his daddy is an awesome daddy, and for that moment I didn't even care about the computer, or anything else. That time was all about him. I have about 4 hours to spare with him in the morning before he goes to school and the moments that i don't pay attention to him will never return. I will never get back those moments. 

Another example...

One morning I came out of my room and saw Noah in the kitchen. I stood behind the small bookshelf near the staircase for a minute without him noticing that I was watching him. I saw him take the milk out of the fridge, grabbing the cereal from the cupboard and attempting to pour it on his own even when the gallon was full. I have seen him attempt that effort at least twice now. That should be a proud mama moment for me because that's telling me that he's independent, but at the same time it was a bit bitter. I know now that he does that on his own, because he probably didn't want to bother me. The fact that he didn't ask, "mommy I'm hungry, can I have some cereal?" made me realize that maybe he feels I'm too busy to help him. Yes, it's great that he's becoming independent, but at the same time probably didn't want to bother me because "mommy's on the computer again." I'm not on the computer for all hours of the day, but to be honest even when I'm on it for even five minutes to google something tells him that I'm too busy, and I don't want him growing up thinking that his mommy was too busy to spend time with him before school.  

Motherhood is the greatest blessing of all, and I don't want to take that for granted either. I don't want to take any of my children for granted no matter how old they get. I love the gospel of Jesus Christ, and that is the key to my happiness. That is what keeps me holding on. My family is the glue that holds me together, and The Lord is the bright light that covers any pocket of darkness. 

When I read the scriptures on my own in a still, quiet place those are the times when I truly feel His presence, and my time is all focused on Him. And what a feeling, and a blessing it is to actually hear His answer! Having my daughter Sierra learning all that she was taught in the MTC can really change your perspective towards many things in life, and I can see that it has for her, and when I don't skip a day of reading the scriptures, and praying my day runs a lot smoother. That works for me, and I see the proof of joy when I do it. 

Because in the end, all that's going to matter to the Lord is what I've done in this life that deals with family, & what I did for others. Nothings gonna matter more to him than that. Sure The Lord may be pleased with how much knowledge one has with the scriptures, but to me what matters is what I did with that knowledge. Not how many scriptures I memorized, but if I'm actually living the gospel, and following those scriptures in a Christlike manner. I'd like to think that I am, and trying my very best to live accordingly. 

I'm grateful for the opportunity I have to listen in on the general women's session which will be held tomorrow evening. The inspiration I receive from our women leaders is so inspiring, and I always leave with my heart cemented to the words that were given, and sometimes it's what I needed to hear. I'm extremely grateful for the gospel, and for my family that I'm so bonded to and love so much because they are the only ones that I'm gonna take home with me when this life comes to an end.

Have a lovely Easter weekend everyone! 

To The Fathers That Stay.

When I saw American idol this past Wednesday I couldn't help but to shed a few tears. Hearing Kelly Clarkson's song "Piece by Piece" rang so true to my ears. The lyrics to her song sounded all too familiar for me, and I was crying right there along with her.

Having my father leaving my mom when I was five was the hardest thing for me. Of course I was too young to understand why my father would do such a thing, but the feelings I felt were those that came from my mother. Seeing her cry, and getting frustrated when he would drift back into our lives three months, six months, sometimes a year later, and spend the night only to leave the next day without even saying goodbye would piss upset the hell heck out of her. I remember one of those moments when he did come back. I was probably about six or seven, and still didn't comprehend as to why he was doing this. I knew there was something lacking as I grew older, but at the tender age of seven I outsized my imagination, and blitzed right through any negativity that was affecting me. My father walking in and out on us became a normal thing, but still...something never felt right about it.

And now that I'm older, I realized it wasn't right.

One of my favorite memories of my father was when he drifted back into our lives again in the middle of the night. I remember how excited I was to see him. He walked in, and because our house was super duper small had to sleep on the bedroom floor. He told me that if I heard weird noises (imitates snoring noises) that it would be him, and to not be afraid. I remember feeling secure when he returned home one more time, and the love I felt for him when he said that. Still...the smile, and uttering those three simple words to him "I love you" was not enough for him to stay. The kindness I saw in his eyes when he said that to me was genuine, but it didn't last. And he left again the following morning only to never return again.  

Abandonment issues can really mess you up as a child emotionally and cause you to find "love" in all the wrong places. And sometimes not the right kind. In spite of all the trials I went through while growing up, I count my blessings for finding my way to softer pastures, and better relationships especially after converting my life to Christ. I knew that I didn't want to be with someone who didn't make family a priority. Someone who would walk out on us, that was abusive both physically, and verbally. Sometimes I wonder if that's why I had Sierra so quickly when I married. I wanted to have that happy ending. The Lord put an amazing man in my path that knew would never leave me or my child. And for that I will always be eternally grateful.

I know there are many fathers out there who for some reason or another have left their child(ren), and whatever you're reason may be know that you have a beautiful child(ren)out there who probably still wonders about you.

To the fathers that stay, I want to say thank you. Thank you for being there when you witnessed your child enter the world. Thank you for being there for your child to nurture, protect, and love. To be there to cuddle, and hold. To change dirty diapers, and make a bottle. To run to the store when you realized you ran out of baby tylenol, diapers, or wipes. To help wash numerous onesies by hand to take out the runny poop that splattered all over your babies backside. To stay up until the wee hours of the morning to help soothe a colicky baby while your wife is too tired because she had to deal with round one of a colicky baby during the day. To come home after an eight hour workday, and make dinner knowing that you're wife is still recovering from a c-section. To have the patience in dealing with a stubborn woman who wants to do everything, but you put your foot down, and allow her to rest. To be able to handle stress well, and not take out anything out on her. Not your bad day at work, financial hardships, or lash out on her because the house was a mess when you came home. To not expect dinner right at 6pm! To be there when they're cutting their first tooth, and appreciate all the hard work that you're wife deals with during the day. To hear their first word. To witness their first steps. To be there to pick up the slack in every aspect of motherhood, but most of all, to have had the patience to stay. Too understand what it means to be a father. To know that our precious children come from a loving Heavenly Father to learn, grow, and be loved. I say, thank you.

In all my life nothing matched that perfect moment when I married my best friend, and for the past 21 years has kept me feeling safe, secure, but mostly loved, and appreciated.

Not only towards me, but to all of our children. That's true fatherhood.

One of my favorite snippets from kelly's song describes both Jon and I far too well,. Love all the happy faces on the women at the end of her video too. Totally lived in the moment as I was watching it...again!

"Piece by piece I fell far from the tree
I would never leave her life like you left me
She will never have to wonder her worth
Because unlike you I'm gonna put her first
He'll never walk away
He'll never break her heart
He'll take care of things
He'll love her
He restored my faith
That a man can be kind
and a father should be great."

I still don't know the whereabouts of my father, and at this moment I'm okay with it. And like I mentioned in this post, if he were to ever find me, and return again I just might let him in.

Thankful for Being A "Work-From-Home" Mom.

Being a "work-from-home" mom has been the best choice that I made, and knowing that I'm going to be home when all my kids come home from school puts me at ease with less worry.  

Especially Noah. 

After reading this post, I feel even more secure knowing that my position as a work-from-home is crucial to my children. Since Noah started Kindergarten I have only had two people in my life who have asked me, "now that Noah is in school are you going to work?" I'm like, "uh, no." 

Just because my kids are all in school now doesn't mean I have to work. Besides...Noah is only in school for three hours, and I honestly don't think there is anyone out there who would hire me to work for three hours. Even if he was in school all day working outside the home at this time is not something I desire...at all. I realized a long time ago that my role in this life, and job is to be a work-from-home mom. 

And here are the reasons why...

Teenagers tend to forget things at times, and I am glad that I can be able to drive to Lexie's school anytime she's forgotten something from home such as a work folder, lunch, even her violin. If any of my kids aren't feeling well I am always available to pick them up from school. It's also nice to be able to schedule any doctor's or dental appointments in the middle of a school day without trying to coordinate with a boss as to needing time off for those things. I'm grateful that I am able to pick them up from their school activities, and help give some of her friends a ride home. I love that I don't have to stress about picking a time for a parent/teacher conference. I can go anytime the teacher is available for me. I love that I was able to go to most of Lexie's tennis matches. Some of them started at 3:30pm, and had I been working, there would have been no way I could have gone. I'm also happy that I can be able to take Chelsea to her piano lessons after school.  I love that I can be able to visit someone from my church because the only time they're available is in the morning. I love being able to help out my neighbor who works a lot pick up her kids anytime she needs me too. I also love being able to help out at my kids elementary school, and chaperone anytime they have a field trip when needed. 

There's many more reasons why I am so thankful to be a work-from-home mom, and be there for my kids. My children come first before any job, and whether they are five, or 15 it is so important for me to be there for my kids. I can tell that they love having me around knowing that I care about their day. I know that Sierra loved that part of me. There were days when she would have half days of school, and was grateful that I was immediately home so she can vent, and talk about her day. I missed the first five years of her life raising her, and after having Lexie I had that burning desire in my heart that my job was going to be in the home raising her, and her sister. Now that I have four it has been such a blessing to be at home with them. 

Being a work-from-home mom is a choice, and I admire those moms who work all day, and do everything that I would do during the day as a work-from-home mom. I've been in an eight hour job working outside the home before, and remember how hard it was for me to be able to balance, and work around schedules. I missed out so much on Sierra's activities when she was little. Luckily I have photos of her that were taken from other parents scrapbooked for memory, but it wasn't the same. I wasn't there, and that was different. 

Motherhood is a treasure, and every outburst of frustration, tears, and worry that comes from being a work-from-home mom is worth every moment. 

And because I'll be there throughout every tear, and outburst of frustration, joyful, fulfilling, and sad moment with my kids no matter how old they get those are the memories that will be treasured for a lifetime.

"You Are Doing Better Than You Think You Are."

As a little girl I always saw the best in my mom. Regardless of the stress, yelling, and all the ups, and downs we had up until I moved out of the house I always focused on her good, and loving side. Even when she would get angry, and yell at me I would always find a way to focus on loving her, and I did. I look back at her life at all the times she was happy, and joyful (because those words have two different meanings), and sad. I sometimes wonder, had we all gone to church more, or had I devotedly went to my CCD classes more often, maybe she wouldn't have raised us the way she did, but regardless of not being devout with any religion I am grateful for the trials I endured as a child because without them I wouldn't have learned anything, and neither would my mom. I wouldn't have learned how it is to be strong. I wouldn't know how to defend my own battles in this world, and I most certainly wouldn't be the woman I am today, but most all...I probably would have never found the restored gospel let alone become a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. 

We all have our bad days in mothering, and overall as a human being. I know I do. There are times when, even though I read the scriptures, do kindly deeds, and serve others the best I can that Satan will somehow intervene like the sneaky serpent that he is, and cause me to behave in such a way that is not pleasing to myself or to the Lord. But it's my choice. I have a choice to fight the negative. I have a choice to not think ill thoughts of people, use bad language, yell, or give an unfriendly look to someone who i know talks about my kids. It's not right. It's not Christlike, and it's so not Christian. Yes, I generally come off as this kind, loving person and for the most part I really am. But I also come with disappointment, and imperfectness. Especially when I see others not doing as much as they should. Remember that I'm human, and as long as I am living on this earth I'm going to be tested with people's "idiot-syncrasies", as well as with my own struggles.

When I see someone struggling, all I want to do is help them. Truth is...we are all struggling inside. I know I am. Believe me I have my struggles. We all do. Whether spiritual, or temporal we as mothers have our daily struggles. Even those who may not have children may have a loved one who has issues, or is struggling themselves.

One thing I know for sure is that my kids keep me strong.

Their examples are innocent, and full of strength that I can't even possibly imagine what Lexie is going through in high school with all that she is surrounded with. Cursing, gossiping, kids practically having sex in the hallway. She sees a lot of unhappiness, and misery among other kids, and although it saddens her at times, it also helps her to be grateful. Being the only Mormon in her grade can be tough, but at the same time strengthening. I remind her that it's only strengthening if we allow it to be. Meaning that we have the opportunity to shine as a light, and if we do what is right the holy ghost will guide us to do so. 

As a mother I want her to know how lucky she is to have a Christ-centered life, and no matter how tough things may get in high school with schoolwork, friends, teachers, and activities to know that Heavenly Father is aware of our struggles. I want her to be able to come home with a load off her shoulders, and to enter inside our home knowing that she is safe, and that our home is a haven on earth. A place where she can relieve her burdens, and find solace. 

She doesn't need to come home to yelling, or hearing her younger sibs bickering, and although she knows that sometimes it's inevitable, she's pretty good at tuning them out! As for me, I try my best to teach my two younger children to love one another, and not cause contention. For the past couple of weeks both Noah and Chelsea have gotten better. I attest that to reading their scriptures on their own. Well, not Noah because he's learning how to read, but we do have the stories of Christ, and that is one thing I remember my mom encouraging my sister and I to read. She would sometimes read to us, and with all the resources that the church has out there gives us the opportunity to use them. 

Oh, how I pray that my struggles are ones that I can always bear. And that with those struggles find ways to overcome, and get through them without unnecessary drama. It's so hard, but after listening to Elder Holland's talk last Saturday was a reminder to me that I am doing good as a mother. And then I look back at how I raised Sierra who has come a long way in her spirituality. I look at all the good she has done, and how all the trials she's endured helped her to be who she is today.  A future missionary who is waiting for her call, and I'm so proud of her! 

^^^ And oldie from conference, circa, 2013 ^^^

My life as a mother will never end like a fairytale, but it can be joyful. I just have to keep reminding myself that no matter how dark things can get in life, I know that I am doing the best that I can, and that I'm doing a lot better than I think!  

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!