A Texas Summer Part One.

Going a little backwards in October with snippets of an August summer in Texas. I can't believe it's over. It was a fast one filled with bittersweet moments. Visiting Texas without seeing my mom this summer was sad. I can't believe she's gone. I cried off and on along the way. Luckily we had Whataburger to cheer me up.

Moments to Live For.

It's been over a little two months since my mom passed away and the one thing I will always remember are the happy moments I shared when we were all together. So grateful that 3/4 of my kids made it to our little gathering and that they were able to help us get through the grief. So thankful for them and for my brother and sister who held it together through this stressful time. We are all built differently when it comes to handling stress and grief and believe me, I'm not that strong and when I'm not it's God's turn. Inside I'm literally screaming but on the outside I'm keeping it sane. I made the choice to do so for the sake of myself and my family. I love the time we all spent together and these will be the moments I will remember the most. 

The Coffee Mugg.

One of the cutest places my sister took me to while in Corpus was a quaint little coffee place called the Coffee Mugg and it is inspired by Harry Potter. I really appreciate the effort this coffee shop put into making it a fun, relaxing place where you can sit and sip on your coffee or hot chocolate. I had to take pictures of it because it's so cute and nostalgic. My entire family are huge Harry Potter fans and being here was a breather and a little get away from our mom while she was at home resting. I highly recommend this place if you're into coffee and even you're not like me it's still a fun joint where you can play chess and just sit and chit chat with your peeps or in this case with my sis.

A Day At The Pool.

I have to admit I felt a little guilty going to the pool after my mom passed away but the weather in Texas was brutal with temps that felt over 100 degrees! Oh how grateful I am for free pools that the city of Corpus Christi provides for everyone. We didn't spend too much time as the water was very warm. It felt like I was taking a warm bath! However, it was nice and I'm glad that we had a little bit of relaxation in the middle of all that was happening such as waiting for my moms ashes, and putting her little apartment in order and so on! This day was good.

Summertime Sadness.

Don't let the smiles fool ya in these photos. This whole summer has been filled with sadness and in all honesty I felt obligated to smile behind the lens. I was worrying to death about my dear mom wondering how much longer she was going to live after I flew back home. Little did I know she would die three days later. I did want to see the ocean before leaving and so my sister took me before I flew out. I call Corpus the "California of Texas" and just love the palm trees. They remind me of my mom when we last took pictures here with her. Bittersweet memories and oh how I do miss her. 

In Memory Of Mom.

It's been almost a month since my mom passed and i have to admit my momentum in blogging has gone downhill. I honestly don't feel like writing but I know that it helps me when I do. Maybe one of these days I will write about what I remember about my mom and write a longer version of this story. We drove back to Texas to settle mom's things our of her apartment as well as go to the funeral home to have my mom cremated. Those were her wishes and although it was a very stressful day finalizing her final wish and everything that goes when a loved one dies we pressed on and got things done. 3/4 of our kids were there for moral support and to provide me, their aunt and uncle with love and hugs. It was bittersweet having them all here. The reason I say that is because mom passed away a week before we all arrived. She wasn't able to see any of the grandkids but at least they got to face-time her while I was there the first time. I was just so happy that Noah, Hyrum, Lexie and Chelsea were there and that we all arrived safely. 

Reunited - Catching Up On Lost Time.

Seeing my brother for the first time in about 20 years was the most emotional part of this trip. Not to mention my mom, who is in the early stages of dementia was even happier to have seen him. It was so hard to watch them two reunite. There is so much to write behind these scenes of this post and if I did a video on them reuniting after all these years I would have gotten so much clout. But I didn't because this was a private and tender moment. Tears were shed in every direction. Jon, who only cries when a huge milestone hits such as our wedding day, our kids being born, or kids serving missions. It takes a sincere moment for him to cry and this was one of them.  Even my 18 year old was emotional. My 13 yr old son was like, "what's happening?" It wasn't until we came home that we explained to him how she didn't raise him and why her her parents did. Long story to share on here but if I ever write a book about my life I will include this part in it. But that will have to wait.

Texas Road Trip!

Two weeks ago we embarked on a road trip to Texas and let me tell ya, it was a long drive. We've done this drive before but for some reason Jon and I have grown somewhat weary in travel. Before, we used to drive straight through. Even with kids in tow we'd literally sleep in the car to save money so that we can arrive faster. Now we sleep in hotels which takes us longer to get there but the perks of a road trip are seeing what's in between New Jersey and Texas and I feel that we saw in between the seven states we drove through was interesting and important. Certain sights, hidden gems, random museums, but friends and family were the whole purpose of this trip and they were the most important. We'd definitely do this road trip again and I'm so glad we did it! As long as our bodies and minds are able to handle long drives we will continue to drive. Unless we go out of the country-now that's a different story!

Tender Moments In San Antonio, Texas.

San Antonio will always have a special place in my heart. It is where my second daughter was born. Where I met some of my dear friends and where the San Antonio temple stands. During our trip I was able to catch up with a friend that I used to work with years ago. We worked for the same doctors. She is retired now but still working and keeping busy. Mary is a couple of years older than my mom, and she and I have been friends for at least 20 years. When we moved to San Antonio she was our "hotel." We stayed with her for a while until we found our own place. I am so glad she kept the same landline number, and that we never lost touch. We stayed overnight at her place and talked until midnight! It amazes me how much energy she has for her age! I captured these moments with her. She truly is a wonderful lady with a beautiful spirit! 

The San Antonio Riverwalk & The Alamo!

On our way to see my momma in Corpus we decided to make a pit stop in San Antonio. Like our day trip to New Orleans time spent here was really short. We had enough time to eat some yummy Mexican food, see the Alamo, and walk along the Riverwalk. Even in this heat we had a nice time. Noah was mesmerized with the Alamo. He had a gazillion and one questions about what happened here, and luckily I know my history about this place because we didn't have time to do the tour in its entirety. He loves everything that deals with historical monuments, generals, guns, and soldiers which in this case totally suited him because of what happened here. 

Tender Moments With My Great Nephew Sebastian.

Sebastian is the cutest, sweetest lovable baby that you'll ever meet. He reminded me of my kiddos because he had the same demeanor as my kids did when they were babies. It was such a joy to have finally met him, and to see my niece again whom I hadn't seen in almost 15 years!! It definitely had been too long! 

Austin, Texas- Circa,1999.

It's been a while since I've written a throwback post, and even though these photos are hidden in a scrapbook without a depiction behind it would like to write a short story behind these photos so that my children can read all about the little adventures they took while living in various cities such as San Antonio & the Capitol city. 

Pink Bluebonnets In Texas Hill Country! Circa, 2003

A number of years ago while roaming around Texas hill country we discovered these pink bluebonnets! Pink! It's funny how I lived in Texas for half my life, and never discovered them until the year 2003 while living in San Antonio! I've also seen them in white, and lavender, but these pink ones really stood out! They are unlike the bluebonnets, and in all honesty I prefer the blue over pink, but aren't these pink ones pretty! Apparently it's a rare wildflower, and only grow downstream from the mission Alamo. 

Welcoming Spring With Bluebonnets! San Antonio,Texas-Circa 2000

Growing up in Texas I was amazed at how spring sprung. Especially in San Antonio. I totally repressed some memories as a child, and forgot how beautiful Texas is. It's not all flat land like people may think. There is beauty in the heart of Texas, and I found that in a field of bluebonnets with two little girls while living in San Antonio. 

God Bless Texas & Harvey.

Sierra, circa 1999-south padre island, tx. 

Although I've been out and about enjoying time with my kids before school resumes Texas has been on my mind a lot lately, and as I have been keeping up with the news of hurricane Harvey and all the damage he's done in the state I grew up in I am absolutely sad for my fellow texans. 

Fond Memories of My Niece Who Turns 28 Today!

I really, really hope my beautiful niece doesn't mind these old photos, and sending her birthday wishes via my blog. It's been a few years since I've seen her in person, and can't even begin to tell you how excited I was when we finally made contact with each other! She is a lovely young lady with a big heart, and I am so proud of the life she is living. I love her dearly, and want her to know how much I've always loved her. I can't believe she is 28 today! Time certainly flies once these kids reach their teens, and before we know it they are on their own, and making a wonderful life for themselves! I will always remember her as a young girl. Every time we would visit Texas we'd always pick her up, and spend time with her. Those are the fondest memories I will always cherish of her, and I have the pictures to prove it! 

THE FIRST TIME WE MOVED TO SAN ANTONIO.

After asking my sister the other day about the throwback posts I've been writing specifically about this one, (and future posts), if I should take it to the next level as to writing the nitty gritty of some parts of my life. She advised me to save the brutal honesty for when I publish a book (and she emphasized "publish a book") She must really have a lot of faith in me that I can do it! Anyway, after thinking, and figuring out as to how to write depictions behind certain photos I have to agree with her, and I'm just going to write a few facts pertaining to the story. 

Once Noah starts school I will have at least three hours to seriously utilize all of my journals including some of my blog posts, and perhaps writing a memoir about my conversion to the Lord, and all that I endured as a child, throughout my marriage, and about motherhood. It may take me two, five, 10, heck I don't know, years to put it all together, and hopefully in good taste, but we'll see how this goes. Again...I hope that my short stories will keep you interested, and yearning for more, and that somehow they will inspire you.

^^^ I honestly don't know how far along i was in this photo...probably 12 plus weeks. ^^^ 

The first time we moved from Utah to San Antonio in 1999 I was unexpectedly pregnant with my second daughter Lexie. I had no idea I was expecting, and here I was moving furniture, lifting heavy boxes, cleaning, and doing all kinds of strenuous work. Luckily Lexie was born healthy, and strong and only a week early. 

She was my blessing while living in San Antonio.

The time we moved from Utah we weren't very active in the church. I know...go figure. Here I am living in a Mormon populated state while being wishy washy attending Thomas S. Monson's home ward. Anyway, the minute we moved to Texas we hit a rocky part as a married couple with another child on the way. Being pregnant with Lexie I have to tell you was a blessing because truthfully...she turned my life around. She was the beginning of my return to activity within the church as well as the reason why I chose on my own volition to get my act together, so that I can get to the temple, and be a forever family with her father, and sister. 

Living in San Antonio for those short 10 months was a blessing for me, and even though there were a lot of hiccups, and downright ugly moments there was also a new baby, an awesome visiting teacher who helped me remember that the church was true, a patient husband, an amazing relief society president (i will always remember you Leslie), and an awesome bishopric (Brother Becker you were always so kind just like your wife) who would often come by to visit us, and finally...the trials. Trials that woke us up to reality that strengthened us at that present time. 

As I reflect back on this part of my life I recognized why we might have had those ugly moments. See...being a faithful member of the church brings a lot of blessings when you do what's right, and I noticed that when we weren't attending church faithfully, paying an honest tithe, or expressing any Christ like attributes there were a myriad of obstacles.

For instance I was in a minor car accident with Sierra. Inclement weather caused me to hydroplane while getting off the ramp. To be honest I remember driving down the ramp a little too fast. Luckily we both left unscathed. 

An incident that is way to personal to write about right now.

And...a mugging. 

In the second week of Lexie's life I recall worrying and fearing the worst when Jon didn't come home in time from work. He was working for Rent-A-Center on Austin highway where in my opinion is not considered a safe area after a certain hour. Because of the 20 minute commute he would normally come home close to 10pm, but then 10pm turned to 10:45pm, and 10:45 turned to 11:15. We didn't have cell phones back then so I finally called the store to see what was holding him up, but to no avail. I began to pray my heart out to God that he was safe, and that nothing had happened to him. I was cuddling Lexie so tight. She truly was my solace for that moment while Sierra was sleeping soundly in her room. I continued to call, and that's when I noticed the headlights of our car pulling into the carport of our apartment. It was close to midnight when he finally came home. He didn't immediately get out. He just sat there which seemed like an eternity. He was looking down at something. I didn't motion him to come inside, or run outside to yell, "where the hell were you?" I just waited for him to come in and explain as to why he was so late. 

Well, he was mugged. 

Reason why he was looking down was he had been looking inside his wallet to make sure he had his I.D. and credit card. That's why he was sitting in the car for a while. He wanted to make sure all his credentials were in tact. Sad thing was that he didn't even have any money, and luckily these muggers were not very violent. He was sucker punched a couple of times, but overall he wasn't badly injured. Just a couple of bruises on his stomach, but nothing that an ice pack can fix. I did tell him though to never, ever take the trash out late at night. Do it in the morning or the next day! He was very lucky. 

Anyway, I was so ready to move out of San Antonio after that incident, and on a whim we decided to move back to Utah in hopes that all our problems would go away, but that's never the case. Problems will always follow you, and that's when I realized that it was up to me to find a resolve as to why I was never stable living in one place, and always wanting to escape whenever a problem occurred. I also knew that somehow I had to get rid of that inner darkness that was clouding all the goodness I knew I had inside of me.  

Little by little I began to find solutions to my problems, but ended up moving back to Utah, and even though things were a little bit better up there I still had issues. Issues that were never resolved the first time I moved to Utah. Repressed issues (boy was my hubby patient with me) i had been harboring since childhood which was causing so much hurt, and anger in my life. And everything we endured in the ten months of living in San Antonio was one of the trials we had to go through to strengthen us as a couple while our children grew. 

^^^  in my last trimester, and with my four year old Sierra. ^^^

In those short ten months of living in San Antonio I learned so much. I had a better understanding of pure love after having Lexie, and developed an even deeper love for Sierra. The Christ like kind. In all honesty, I didn't want anymore children after having Sierra. She was supposed to be it. My number one, and only. But obviously God had other plans for me, and along with that trial Jon went through he gave us a beautiful blessing in the most beautiful disguise which was Lexie. One that was going to be the beginning of my truest conversion to God that would eventually lead me to the temple to become eternal with my family. One that would teach me what real compassion is all about. One that would constantly look me in the eye as I nursed Lexie glaring at me as if she's saying, "hang in there mama, everything is going to be okay."

But deep down inside my heart it really wasn't. I was still suffocating inside.

We finally moved back to Utah when she was two months old, and not even a year later we were back in the  Lone star state. 

For two more years. 

See...I still  had issues.

But it got better. 

And that is another story. 

In Memory of Selena: 20 Years Later.

Today marks the 20th anniversary of famous Tejano star Selena's death, and yet as I write this I'm sitting here in disbelief pretending that she is still alive, because in many ways she is.   

I remember so clearly laying in a hospital bed in Salt Lake City sick and pregnant with my first daughter. I had developed preeclampsia in the last trimester of my pregnancy, and had been forewarned that if I didn't get any bed rest I could go into early labor! I had been laying down bored out of my mind with a sonogram machine monitoring   my baby's heartbeat, and that's when Jon turned on the television, and there it was. Newsflash! "Selena Quintanilla, famous Tejano star gunned down, and shot!" I couldn't believe it, and I began to cry. Here I am laying in a hospital bed with swollen feet connected to a machine with needles in my veins, and all my focus was on Selena. Probably a good thing because it helped me to not worry too much about what was happening to me with the baby. I had only met Selena once in my life, and because I knew of all the good she did in her community, and how loyal she was to her fans I felt as if I knew her. I asked my husband, "Why am I crying so much? I mean...I know that I'm hormonal & very pregnant right now, but this is ridiculous!" That's when Jon told me that because we are the same age, and the same ethnicity, and listened to her music, as well as living an hour away from each other is why my heart was filled with so much love. The fact that she did so much in her community was impressive, and in spite of everything she faced with "life" finishing school by mail while touring, becoming a huge success, and having her own business she succeeded. I'm sure in the end she found balance, and marrying her sweetheart who was in her band seemed to have fulfilled her life even more. 

I wanted to write this post to remember. To remember all the fun times I had while attending her small concerts,  and "bailes" dancing to the beat of her music. That was so much fun, and in many ways I miss it. I miss the twirling around. The dips, and turns, and dancing all over the dance floor with old friends. Sure they have salsa here in Jersey, but it's not the same. I wish Jon knew how to Cumbia with me, and maybe someday I'll teach him! I want my girls to know who she was, and even though they weren't born while she was alive I want to keep her memory alive in my home by watching old videos of her on youtube, and listening to her music. 

I will always treasure the days we when we would drive 25 hours from Utah to Texas to visit my mom. One of the "must see, and do" things was to always visit her gravesite, and the memorials that were dedicated to her on Ocean Drive. Sierra was three when we took her for the first time, and even though she didn't know too much about her she seemed so melancholy when she stood by her statue for the first time. It was as if she knew she was someone special. That was the beginning of teaching my daughter to become more familiar with who Selena was, and what she was all about. 

Like I mentioned, every year we'd plan yearly trips to visit my mom until it was time for us to move to the east, and here is another picture of Sierra when she was almost four. She seemed so intrigued by Selena and her statue even more, and when I bought her the first edition of the Selena doll she immediately fell in love with her, and from then on she always wanted to take a picture next to her statue. Good thing I bought it then because they're high in price now!

When I heard about the boutique she had opened on Everhart I was giddy, and filled with excitement! Unfortunately I never had the opportunity to visit her shop while she was still alive, but when we finally visited I ended up buying a few accessories. One thing I'll always remember was the feeling I felt when I entered inside. It felt somewhat "off" for me. I think part of those "off" feelings was part of my perception in how I was taking this all in. As I look at this photo I feel as if I was in mourning, but really happy to be there visiting. Being that three years had gone by since her death was still shocking, and still hadn't processed it all in. I was also a bit overwhelmed, and couldn't believe that I was back in Corpus Christi finally visiting her shop, and seeing all the memorabilia inside. It felt so surreal to me.

 

It's been almost ten years since I visited Texas, and plan to visit again when time permits. Even though her boutiques have closed their doors for good there is a museum that was built in memory of her by her family in which one can view her belongings. Besides having my mom and sister living there, that's a good enough excuse to go back. It's still hard to believe that she is gone, but I will always keep her memory alive. Sometimes when I'm in a Tejano mood I'll put on some of her music, or watch the movie. My favorite album has always been Selena Live, and my all time favorite song is "Como la Flor". She certainly was, and will always be an icon, and an epic legend in Corpus Christi, Texas. A visionary with so much talent who died way too young, and yet made all her dreams come true! 

RIP  Selena. 

**All pictures taken by my awesome husband, and of course are oldies from the years 1997-1999!