Domino Park - Summer 2020

There are sooooo many parks to explore during the summertime and not enough time. Especially when you don't live in the city. Domino Park is one of those parks that I would love to frequent more. I'm sure that if I lived in the city I would be venturing out more to this quaint gem and enjoy all the different installations they display throughout the years. Last year they had this DOT candy display which was interesting and we just walked around and sat and relaxed while eating popsicles. It truly is amazing knowing that we live close to one of the most greatest cities in the world. A place where there are tons of places to escape and explore as a family. I love the New York vibe it gives and seeing these pictures from last year is bittersweet. No masks. No fear. Just pure fun with safety not having a care in the world. Here's hoping we will get to that point one of these years. One can only hope! Enjoy the flashback photos! 

Melancholy Days....

Lately, I've been feeling a sense of loss. Loss of time passing by way too quickly which is probably why I'm taking super advantage of spending so much time with our last two kids in the house. I don't always feel this way. It comes in spurts, and often at times when Sierra and Lexie leave after visiting me from college. Milestones such as school dances, birthdays, and graduations will trigger it as well. 

Austin, Texas- Circa,1999.

It's been a while since I've written a throwback post, and even though these photos are hidden in a scrapbook without a depiction behind it would like to write a short story behind these photos so that my children can read all about the little adventures they took while living in various cities such as San Antonio & the Capitol city. 

Pink Bluebonnets In Texas Hill Country! Circa, 2003

A number of years ago while roaming around Texas hill country we discovered these pink bluebonnets! Pink! It's funny how I lived in Texas for half my life, and never discovered them until the year 2003 while living in San Antonio! I've also seen them in white, and lavender, but these pink ones really stood out! They are unlike the bluebonnets, and in all honesty I prefer the blue over pink, but aren't these pink ones pretty! Apparently it's a rare wildflower, and only grow downstream from the mission Alamo. 

Easter In San Antonio,Texas- Circa, 2003

Since Lexie is graduating from high school this year (she's the little one with the ear to ear grin on her face) I was looking through some of her scrapbooks, and organizing her photos by year on the computer, and look what I found! Easter photos with her big sis from the time we lived in San Antonio. And boy is there a short tale to tell....

Welcoming Spring With Bluebonnets! San Antonio,Texas-Circa 2000

Growing up in Texas I was amazed at how spring sprung. Especially in San Antonio. I totally repressed some memories as a child, and forgot how beautiful Texas is. It's not all flat land like people may think. There is beauty in the heart of Texas, and I found that in a field of bluebonnets with two little girls while living in San Antonio. 

Canada On My Mind.

Canada has been on my mind lately, and wanted to share a quick little story of the first, and last time we visited. Chelsea was just a baby when we went! That was 13 years ago! I will always remember this trip with our three little girls. They were always so happy every time we ventured out on road trips. The smiles of the girls in these photos prove all too well just how happy they were, and still get when we hit the pavement to unfamiliar territory.

Cannon Beach, Oregon-Circa, 2003

Going to the beach in the late winter and early spring were my favorite when we lived out west, and because of the 12 hour drive from Utah to Oregon we only went twice a year. Sometimes I can't believe we survived all those years of living in Utah with only going to the beach a couple of times a year! The fact that I had these two sweet girls made that chapter in my life super fun!! It's no wonder I survived! These two sweethearts kept mothering more lively than exhausting. Then again I was in my 20's when I had them so my energy was sky rocketing! 

The Uinta Mountains in 2001.

The type of weather that is currently happening right now totally reminds me of the weather I once experienced in the mountains while living in Utah. You know, the kind of weather where the snow has hardened up, and is pretty much frozen solid on the ground with the right temperature where all you need is a fleece jacket, or a warm sweater. That's how it feels right about now, and oh how I long to go for a drive up to the Uinta mountains right about now!

Nostalgia On The First Day Of School.

With school starting back again today I was feeling a bit nostalgic so I pulled out the scrapbook from the bins in the basement, and as I was turning the pages I stumbled upon this sweet summer photo of the girls and I at my aunt's pool in Vegas. While living in Utah we'd travel to Vegas every summer to visit. It was tradition, and man do I long for those days. Not only the trips, but for my girls to be little again. Looking at this photo with Chelsea hanging on to my hand brings back soooo many memories, and today I was feeling all the feels as the kids were heading off to school. Especially Chelsea, and Noah. I mean, look at my Chelsea baby! Just hanging on to my hand knowing that she trusts her momma not to fall in the water. Truly bittersweet.

A Look Back At Our "Wicked" Day!

I will always remember the very first time we stepped foot on broadway in NYC. Sierra, and Lexie have been fans of the Wizard of Oz since birth, and when we first moved to Jersey the first thing we did that year of living here was drive to New York to see Wicked at the Gershwin theater. 

Nostalgia on Garfield Avenue.

Looking back on the day we moved out of our home in Blackwood on Garfield avenue I couldn't help but to look back, and walk within the walls of what was once our home for eight years, and to see all the scribbles, dents, and writing on the walls that my two youngest children did at that time are fond memories. Fond memories that i will carry with me forever through pictures. I look back at all the times I'd walk into the kitchen or up the stairs only to see endless scribbles, and will laugh because of how upset I got when Chelsea first put pen, marker, and color to the walls. I was so disappointed in her. I really thought I would be one of those moms whose kids would never resort to that! Sierra, and Lexie never, never wrote on the walls so naturally I thought I had perfect kids when it came to giving them markers at the age of three. Not! Chelsea and Noah were a different story, but oh how grateful I am for those experiences because they sure taught me a lot of patience. The look on Chelsea's face when she got caught in the act was priceless. I just couldn't yell at this sweet three year old little girl. After Chelsea's experience of writing on the walls, I most definitely became less of a mean mom when Noah entered the clan, and saw no need to yell at him when he began coloring on the walls at the tender age of two! No matter how many times I'd tell the girls to put away their art kits, colors, and box of markers he'd always find a way to be sneaky and find them. That's when it dawned on me to me to tape plain white wrapping paper on the huge bare, kitchen wall so they could create a picture with every type of marker, pen, and crayon known to man! When we left I couldn't bare to paint over some of the walls. Especially the one where there was a stick figure with a smiling face! But hey, someone else has to live there, and that's when  I realized that walls can be washed, and repainted. Dents, and holes can be patched up, but those memories of hand drawn art created by two artistic children with a permanent marker can be etched in my mind forever. 

Oh...bittersweet memories for sure. 

Since we only live an hour away I'll drive back through the old neighborhood to visit a few of my neighbors, and friends. I swear that area brings back major memories, and sometimes its hard to let go. We've only been gone for three months, but when I've gone back I feel as if I should be pulling into the driveway only to go back "home." It's surreal sometimes that we don't live there anymore, but the fact that Chelsea was two when we moved here, and Noah being born in Jersey makes me feel that this is our permanent home. Texas, and Utah are the longest places we've lived in, but Jersey has been the state where all of my children learned to grow up, face challenges, conquer some of them, and learn from them, and to spiritually grow. 

Here is a picture of the girls when they were nine, 14, and four! I can't believe how quickly time flies, and now they are 21, 16, and 11! 

Garfield avenue is the place where I was given my first mum from a sister in my church. I never knew there was such a beautiful plant! It was the place where I hosted my first book club, my first baby shower, and thanksgiving dinner with like ten people! It was the place where there were lots of family dinners, entertainment with friends, and pool parties in our little back yard. The place where we had many a BBQ dinners, and where Lexie first learned to mow the lawn. It is the place where for eight years my children walked to the same bus stop, library, Wawa, and bike trail. The place where the kids first discovered fireflies, and had our own sidewalk to chalk on. It is the place where the girls developed their cooking, and baking skills. The place where Sierra had her first date pick her up, and all her prom, and homecoming pictures taken on that infamous little porch of ours. 

This is the place where Noah learned to roll over, take his first steps, lose his first tooth, and play his first keys on the piano. Let's not forget the time I did that photo shoot of Noah's Dreamland! Oh my gosh! Remember those pictures? Such fun, and sweet memories! 

Looking back I thank my Heavenly Father for leading us to this cape cod house on Garfield. The home we created here, although far from perfect, was where we needed to be at that time. Even on the days where I yelled, cursed, and got upset somehow were washed away with the choices I made into being a better mom. Having Noah totally helped me in that department, and living in Blackwood with all that we went through as a family, and attending church helped us in profound ways. The Lord definitely is in charge, and because of Him I was able to endure, and withstand every bitter, and enjoy every blissful moment I had in those eight years of living in south Jersey. 

And I will always look back on them with the fondest of memories.

Always. 

Smiling Snow White.

I can't believe Halloween is in two days, and while I look back at more photos of my kids particularly these ones of Sierra my heart longs to turn back time. These were taken back when we lived in San Antonio. She was such a disney freak, and into princesses then that all she wanted to do was dress like one for Halloween. When she saw Snow White for the first time she truly wanted to be her. All those years as a little girl she always wanted to dress up as a princess. I was lucky enough to have found her the perfect costume, and having my mom close by was a blessing. She had fun going trick or treating with us that year. I especially enjoyed having my mom with us because I myself hardly went trick or treating with her when i was little, my older brother would always escort us so having my mom with us that year was extra special! It was really nice having her with us in our last year of living in San Antonio, and to take advantage of the time spent with us before moving to Utah.

I was about six months pregnant with Lexie when this photo was taken. Knowing that this was Sierra's last Halloween as an only child was bittersweet. I have to admit that for the past 15 years it's been a blast trick or treating with more kids, but having Sierra all to myself for the first five years of her life was literally a treat. She only shared her candy with us, and there were no siblings to bicker with. Even though I worked during those first five years of her life, I still managed to spend quality time with her. To help her with her homework, and to go on little adventures as a family of three was something I always made time for. I'm grateful for the times we spent together before her sister was born, and in helping me prepare to be an even better mother the second time around. 

Once Lexie was born she was a natural at sisterhood. She's an amazing sister, and still is. She is a wonderful person to talk to, and I swear that smile she wears never grows weary. It's real, and she still expresses it to everyone she meets. She's always been a bubbly little girl, and no matter how her life has been up to this point she's always managed to have that smile on her face. She's a light in my eyes, and soothes me on a bad day with her voice every time I talk to her. Even though she's 2000 miles away talking to her on the phone always brightens my days, and I can tell that she's smiling with her eyes...even more so when we FaceTime. I'm so lucky to have her in my life, and that she still calls me for any issue even at 20 years old! 

So grateful for this memory, and for her choice in wanting to be princesses for Halloween throughout her toddler years. She exempified that very well then, and still does today. 

Because no matter what...everyone is a princess!  

Happy Thursday, and keep smiling! 

**(Photos are oldies from 1999)

HALLOWEEN-CIRCA, 2010.

So I've been feeling a little "daughter sick" lately, and as I was looking through my iPhoto I stumbled upon these photos. I realized that they never made it into the blog. These were all taken back in 2010 when Noah was almost one. I wish these moments could last forever. Not because I feel as if I didn't spend enough time when he was a baby, or Sierra when she was in high school, but because I didn't have enough memories of my own with my family when I was younger.

Halloweens were not very common when I was a youth, and I honestly don't recall too many trick or treats in my house, but I do remember dressing up as a gypsy for two years in a row! I do remember going trick or treating with my siblings a couple of times and how much fun I had. I remember staying up until about 11pm or so, and now we have a curfew. My how times have changed. 

I love these photos of my firstborn, and my baby boy. I remember the days when these two were always having a good time together. Then again, all of his sisters would take turns holding him, and just loved spoiling him. I think I have enough pictures on this blog of  mine that shows all the love being exchanged between four great kids.

As you can see Noah dressed up as a skeleton. I think this costume fit him perfectly because he was so skinny! Ha! ha! He still is. 

These are bittersweet moments that I will treasure for a lifetime, and I hope that when Sierra looks back at these photos that she too will remember how sweet, and easy it was when her brother was a baby, and that when she comes home to visit before she leaves for her mission that she will take all of her new memories that she makes with him with her.

GETTING A TASTE OF BEING ALONE.

I have been thinking so much of my mom lately simply because today marks the anniversary of Joe's passing.  Fall was in full swing back when she came to stay with me for a few weeks after he passed away, and because it rained so much today I couldn't help but to constantly have her on my mind. 

What can I say...

I miss my mom. 

Even though we talk on the phone twice a month it doesn't seem like enough, and it shouldn't be that way. I love my mom, and will always make time for her no matter what. I wanted to share a bit of how I've been feeling lately since Noah started school, and how it feels for all my kids to be in school now. 

To go along with this post I added some pictures back when we lived in Texas. My mother lived in Corpus Christi, and we lived in San Antonio. At that time in my life she always managed to stay connected. She was always the one making time for me, and because we were going to be moving back to Utah once Lexie was born she wanted to spend as much time with us as possible. I'm grateful that we captured these moments with each other, and memories with Sierra while she was little.  

Now for the short story...

The other morning I told Jon how I'm slooooooowwwwwly starting to feel how my mom felt once we were all gone, and how I'm beginning to feel how my mom felt once we all left the house. No more babies to raise, and being alone in a house for a few hours. Not technically, because Noah is still home with me until noon.  He likes entertaining himself with legos, drawing pad, and his train tracks. Of course I'm there for him on the sidelines front, hook, and center when it comes to growing up. I do however, have a hard time giving him his own space, but I'm getting better at that. I've gotten better at supporting him for being so independent since he began school this year. I'm just so lucky that he still likes to cuddle with me in the evenings before bed!

The three hours I have to myself seem to go by way too fast especially when i have to clean up after breakfast, have laundry to do, write in my journal, and just random things such as a friend calling to help take her on an errand. And endless sweeping!! I have ceiling fans in every room that run 24/7,  and because those fans blow dust I'm constantly sweeping throughout the whole house. Guess it's time to clean the fans!! I have hardwood floors throughout the house, except for a magic carpet in the living room, but nonetheless it gets done, and I just sweep, sweep, sweep. I"ll be so happy when I retire those fans once fall is in full swing. So being a stay at home mom doesn't require watching soaps, and eating hostess cupcakes all day. Then again...I"m so not into novellas!

A friend of mine has also asked me the other day if I could go back to work, and find a job. I was like, "who in the heck is going to hire me for three hours?" Not even three hours! More like two because I leave a bit early to put Noah on the bus, and have to make sure I'm at home when the kids get off the bus. Plus I have no motivation whatsoever to actually work in an environment where I probably won't be content working because all I'll be thinking about is my kids, and making sure their needs come before my own. Maybe one day I'll go back to work, or even school but in my opinion one must have the desire to go, and I don't have that drive at this time. Maybe later.

Anyway...

While we lived in North Carolina I was guilty of not seeing my mom as much as I should when she moved to be closer to us. I hated using the excuse of "the kids kept me busy", and no matter if we were 40 minutes away  I just didn't make too much time to see her in the two years we lived there. Here my mom gives up everything, and I mean everything (except her car) so she can live closer to us, and I hardly ever saw her. We did have lunch a few times, and the girls had a couple of sleepovers, but yet I felt as if that wasn't enough. And it want enough! There would be times when I would come over unannounced, and could see her from a distance through the window watching television looking a bit lonely. It was as if she had that look on her face of wondering why she moved here. 

My mom had hobbies such as gardening, and sewing and at times I felt bad because she wasn't doing that aa much once she moved to Notth Carolina. I hated knowing she was at home alone all day while Joe was at work, and that I didn't make more of an effort to come over. On the days that I brought the kids over her countenance changed. She'd cook, we talked, would go for a  drive, go window shopping. She was happy when she wasn't alone. 

There are days when I wish I could turn back time, and have a do-over with my mom. I think most of us daughters want that chance again to right all the wrongs we did in our younger years. Then again...I'm not sure if I'd be the daughter I am today had I not had that distant relationship, and experiences with my mama.  

Fast forward to 2015. 

Even though we are 1770 miles apart we constantly keep in touch. I wish she would have stayed with us when Joe passed away, but the transition was just too hard on her. I  still have hope that she will put her stubbornness aside and come live with us, but she says that as long as she can take care of herself she will do her best to manage on her own.  She has a few friends who keep her days fulfilled with activity. She tells me there's no need for me to worry about her. So far she's in a position where she can survive on her own on the limited income that she has. She truly is a survivor in my eyes, and after all that is said and done I know that she can hold her own. She truly is a brave woman, and I am proud to call her mom. 

One thing for sure, is that I hope to be just as brave as her once my nest is completely empty. I only hope that my future posterity won't live too far away! 
*All pictures were taken back in the fall of 1999. I can't believe how young we all looked! 

THE FIRST TIME WE MET LUCY THE ELEPHANT.

I will always remember the first time we ventured out to visit the historic Lucy in the fall of 2008. People weren't kidding when they said she was at least 60 feet tall! When my friend Maggie told me about her especially after sending me a postcard of "lucy the elephant" before moving up here I just had to see her for myself. The fact that she rests on Margate beach was a plus in my book. She was the perfect looking elephant, set on one of the nicest beaches on the jersey shore! 

It was late fall when we first set eyes on Lucy, and it was perfect because there were no tourists, and we practically had the beach all to ourselves. We did drive around Atlantic City, but in all honesty I was not impressed. Sorry, but Las Vegas takes the cake when it comes to blitz, and glamour. Not that I'm into all that, but I do love window shopping. Nonetheless we still drove around the city before stopping by to see Lucy, and she was quite a looker! 

I can't even begin to tell you how excited the girls were when we first moved up here. The first thing they said was, "we don't have to drive three hours to go to the beach anymore!" Besides jumping in the waves getting wet, and building sandcastles, the girls favorite part is digging up seashells. Which was all they did on this day being that it was 55 degrees! I think I really spoiled them by all the beach trips we took when we lived in North Carolina as well as the summer vacations we took in Seaside while living outwest. One thing for sure is that these girls love venturing out to the ocean whether it's summertime, fall or winter! 

I swear it seems as if this picture was taken yesterday. I look at it as if they are still middle school  and elementary age. Can you believe seven years have gone by since these photos were taken. Seven years! Where has the time gone! It's kind of hard to believe that the little one on the right will be in fifth grade this year, the one on the left will be a sophomore in high school, and the precious one in the middle is 20 years old, and will soon be serving an LDS church mission!! 

Time most certainly flies when you're having fun. I love my girls, and am so proud of who they are, and what they're becoming. It has also been such a blessing to add a little boy in the mix who obviously wasn't born when these photos were taken, but to know that these girls will set a good example for him puts me at ease, and I just love them all so dang much!! 

Sure is fun to hang on to these precious moments, as well as this moment when we brought Noah to see Lucy in 2011! 

WILMINGTON BEACH, N.C. in 2007

Oh, how i miss my girls being adolescent, but at the same time it's fun to see them all pretty grown up now, and to reflect back on these memories. I don't have too many of these photos in their scrapbooks, but it sure was fun to go down memory lane in pictures through my iPhoto from 2007 recalling all the fun things we did for the two years we lived in North Carolina. I can't recall how many times we went to the beach while living there, because the three hour drive permitted our time. All I know is that we took advantage when we would go and would stay all day soaking up the sun!! 

So why aren't I in any of these photos (insert frown emoji face here)? Oh...because Jon and I were both taking turns behind the camera. Truthfully...he took most of these. I think. 

Wilmington beach is so awesome! I thank my lucky stars for having lived in North Carolina even if it was just for two summers let alone going to the beach. It's so interesting to experience all types of beaches on different parts of the coasts, and this one by far has been a favorite. 

I wish Jon and I would have been in some of these photos instead of being behind the camera. I just love the way he captured some of these moments. He's such a good photographer. 

Cute Lexie as always smiling and never causing trouble for anyone (or her sisters.) She was always so agreeable in taking pictures of her. 

I can't believe these were taken almost nine years ago, and look how young they look! Now they are 10, 15, and 20! What!!!!! There's the one and only, unique Sierra. My goodness does her face look the same even to this day! Her features never change! 

My baby girl...she's always been sassy, and since the day she was born has always loved the water. She has always been fearless, and no matter how many times we'd tell her not to get too close to the water she'd refuse, and get even closer (she still does that!) Luckily she's always had her sisters watching over her. Can't believe this puppet is 10 and a half now!! 

I wish I could remember or have logged in some of the things that were said as we took these photos. I'm grateful for words, expressions, and for the chance that I have to put this down in writing as opposed to my kids looking at photos that are glued on fancy scrapbook paper. I want them to know that this moment was, and will always be on the top of my list. I want them to know that I'm sorry I didn't get into the pictures with them, and play with them in the water like I do now. I want them to know that I will always remember this day forever! 

And all the days to come!

***All pictures were taken with our old Nikon N4004! Sure do miss that camera.   

THE FIRST TIME WE MOVED TO SAN ANTONIO.

After asking my sister the other day about the throwback posts I've been writing specifically about this one, (and future posts), if I should take it to the next level as to writing the nitty gritty of some parts of my life. She advised me to save the brutal honesty for when I publish a book (and she emphasized "publish a book") She must really have a lot of faith in me that I can do it! Anyway, after thinking, and figuring out as to how to write depictions behind certain photos I have to agree with her, and I'm just going to write a few facts pertaining to the story. 

Once Noah starts school I will have at least three hours to seriously utilize all of my journals including some of my blog posts, and perhaps writing a memoir about my conversion to the Lord, and all that I endured as a child, throughout my marriage, and about motherhood. It may take me two, five, 10, heck I don't know, years to put it all together, and hopefully in good taste, but we'll see how this goes. Again...I hope that my short stories will keep you interested, and yearning for more, and that somehow they will inspire you.

^^^ I honestly don't know how far along i was in this photo...probably 12 plus weeks. ^^^ 

The first time we moved from Utah to San Antonio in 1999 I was unexpectedly pregnant with my second daughter Lexie. I had no idea I was expecting, and here I was moving furniture, lifting heavy boxes, cleaning, and doing all kinds of strenuous work. Luckily Lexie was born healthy, and strong and only a week early. 

She was my blessing while living in San Antonio.

The time we moved from Utah we weren't very active in the church. I know...go figure. Here I am living in a Mormon populated state while being wishy washy attending Thomas S. Monson's home ward. Anyway, the minute we moved to Texas we hit a rocky part as a married couple with another child on the way. Being pregnant with Lexie I have to tell you was a blessing because truthfully...she turned my life around. She was the beginning of my return to activity within the church as well as the reason why I chose on my own volition to get my act together, so that I can get to the temple, and be a forever family with her father, and sister. 

Living in San Antonio for those short 10 months was a blessing for me, and even though there were a lot of hiccups, and downright ugly moments there was also a new baby, an awesome visiting teacher who helped me remember that the church was true, a patient husband, an amazing relief society president (i will always remember you Leslie), and an awesome bishopric (Brother Becker you were always so kind just like your wife) who would often come by to visit us, and finally...the trials. Trials that woke us up to reality that strengthened us at that present time. 

As I reflect back on this part of my life I recognized why we might have had those ugly moments. See...being a faithful member of the church brings a lot of blessings when you do what's right, and I noticed that when we weren't attending church faithfully, paying an honest tithe, or expressing any Christ like attributes there were a myriad of obstacles.

For instance I was in a minor car accident with Sierra. Inclement weather caused me to hydroplane while getting off the ramp. To be honest I remember driving down the ramp a little too fast. Luckily we both left unscathed. 

An incident that is way to personal to write about right now.

And...a mugging. 

In the second week of Lexie's life I recall worrying and fearing the worst when Jon didn't come home in time from work. He was working for Rent-A-Center on Austin highway where in my opinion is not considered a safe area after a certain hour. Because of the 20 minute commute he would normally come home close to 10pm, but then 10pm turned to 10:45pm, and 10:45 turned to 11:15. We didn't have cell phones back then so I finally called the store to see what was holding him up, but to no avail. I began to pray my heart out to God that he was safe, and that nothing had happened to him. I was cuddling Lexie so tight. She truly was my solace for that moment while Sierra was sleeping soundly in her room. I continued to call, and that's when I noticed the headlights of our car pulling into the carport of our apartment. It was close to midnight when he finally came home. He didn't immediately get out. He just sat there which seemed like an eternity. He was looking down at something. I didn't motion him to come inside, or run outside to yell, "where the hell were you?" I just waited for him to come in and explain as to why he was so late. 

Well, he was mugged. 

Reason why he was looking down was he had been looking inside his wallet to make sure he had his I.D. and credit card. That's why he was sitting in the car for a while. He wanted to make sure all his credentials were in tact. Sad thing was that he didn't even have any money, and luckily these muggers were not very violent. He was sucker punched a couple of times, but overall he wasn't badly injured. Just a couple of bruises on his stomach, but nothing that an ice pack can fix. I did tell him though to never, ever take the trash out late at night. Do it in the morning or the next day! He was very lucky. 

Anyway, I was so ready to move out of San Antonio after that incident, and on a whim we decided to move back to Utah in hopes that all our problems would go away, but that's never the case. Problems will always follow you, and that's when I realized that it was up to me to find a resolve as to why I was never stable living in one place, and always wanting to escape whenever a problem occurred. I also knew that somehow I had to get rid of that inner darkness that was clouding all the goodness I knew I had inside of me.  

Little by little I began to find solutions to my problems, but ended up moving back to Utah, and even though things were a little bit better up there I still had issues. Issues that were never resolved the first time I moved to Utah. Repressed issues (boy was my hubby patient with me) i had been harboring since childhood which was causing so much hurt, and anger in my life. And everything we endured in the ten months of living in San Antonio was one of the trials we had to go through to strengthen us as a couple while our children grew. 

^^^  in my last trimester, and with my four year old Sierra. ^^^

In those short ten months of living in San Antonio I learned so much. I had a better understanding of pure love after having Lexie, and developed an even deeper love for Sierra. The Christ like kind. In all honesty, I didn't want anymore children after having Sierra. She was supposed to be it. My number one, and only. But obviously God had other plans for me, and along with that trial Jon went through he gave us a beautiful blessing in the most beautiful disguise which was Lexie. One that was going to be the beginning of my truest conversion to God that would eventually lead me to the temple to become eternal with my family. One that would teach me what real compassion is all about. One that would constantly look me in the eye as I nursed Lexie glaring at me as if she's saying, "hang in there mama, everything is going to be okay."

But deep down inside my heart it really wasn't. I was still suffocating inside.

We finally moved back to Utah when she was two months old, and not even a year later we were back in the  Lone star state. 

For two more years. 

See...I still  had issues.

But it got better. 

And that is another story. 

SEASIDE, OREGON IN 2004.

Even though I've scrap booked my kids lives in their memory books since the day they were born there was no depiction or stories written behind the photos. And since I enjoy writing I've decided to do a few throwback posts on some of my fondest memories before we moved to Jersey, and before we became a family of six. They won't be in order, but i hope that you won't get bored with my short stories or snippets of my family behind these posts. This is being written for my posterity, and will be printed and added on to the tangible photos in their scrapbooks. I also hope that at the same time it'll make you smile, and have you leaving saying, "no wonder", "so that's what happened to her",  "cute kids", and "so glad she was safe all these years!" So enjoy! Note that all photos in this post were taken by wonderful husband with a Nikon N4004 back when people used to develop film in a dark room, and way before smartphones! 

I will always remember the first time we ventured out to Seaside, Oregon. The 16 hour drive was never an issue especially while traveling with kids who loved long drives. Visiting Jon's grandpa in Washington became a summer tradition throughout our years while living in Utah. We were so fortunate to have family living in that area which motivated us to take that long road trip. 

We always took advantage of driving to Washington state not only to visit grandpa, attend the temple, but to also have fun at the beach! 

I was about six months pregnant with Chelsea, and being pregnant with her was a breeze...until I reached my third trimester. That's when the nausea kicked in, and my sciatic became super unbearable, but how lucky I was to have enjoyed myself before she joined her sisters and coming into this world. 

^^^ wearing a white t-shirt sure shows everything especially when the water is cold...sorry for the indiscretion! ^^^

The girls live for the beach. Living in Utah you are nowhere close to the beach, or any type of lake. You have to drive five hours to Lake Powell, 10 hours to California, or 16 hours to Seaside. Luckily, and I stress writing the word luckily Jon and I don't mind driving long distances, and that we were blessed with great little travelers. 

Seaside is absolutely beautiful. The fact that the Goonies was filmed there always had me wanting to visit the quaint town of Seaside. We didn't have too much time on this trip to check out the neighborhood of where the movie was filmed in nearby Astoria, or enter inside the house where it was filmed, (that will be in a later post), but man did we have fun at the beach. 

And look at how young, and cute the girls are! Lexie throwing her hands up in the air as if she doesn't have a care in the world (she still does that too!)

It's very rare to see hotels located on the beach, but that azure blue sky is sure a sight to see! #nofilter 

^^^ One of my favorite historical points was the fact that this was where Lewis and Clark ended their expedition! We had fun, and also got educated at the same time! (excuse the thumbprint...too lazy to crop it!) ^^^

Chelsea and Lexie are two peas in a pod, and always had fun together. They never grew weary of each other, or got on each other's nerves (that I know of.) It seems that every time we ventured out on road trips they were always so agreeable, hence all the road trips we continued to take. 

Stay tuned for another throwback story in the Thursdays to come!