Walking Into March Down Freemans Alley Like...

Been going to the city forever and have always walked or driven by Freemans alley but NEVER have we eaten at the restaurant let alone just walk down the alley! It's such a quaint hidden gem and I'm so glad we finally went. This past Saturday we covered quite a lot of ground including freemans alley and went to a few places where I captured some shots of the kids just walking around having a grand ol time like always! Because I don't blog too much on here or write about every little thing and adventure of our days in our life my New York moments are pretty much posted on my Instagram and you can watch some of the sweetest, simplest moments are also on my stories. I felt these photos were fitting for this month being that it's the first day of March and that the first corona case was detected on this day. So my feeling for this new month is HOPE. That pop of yellow with the words HOPE is a really 'hopeful sign' for me. Hoping for a blissful month of goodness and positivity. Hoping that corona cases will decrease so that we can better endure another pandemic year. Hoping for a beautiful spring, and lots and lots of good luck! (I also couldn't help but to capture a photo of Freddie Mercury above Noah's head!) 

Happy March everyone! 

The Shore Brings Constant Joy.

Going to the beach the other day was the perfect remedy to the week I had, and is always the answer to the stresses of life. Not that I stress a lot, but seriously...with Robin Williams death, and the rain that we've had lately really brought me down. Even though he wasn't someone I knew personally, he was someone that my heart connected with in laughter, and escape. His escape from his depression was making us laugh, and my escape from all bad things that were surrounding me throughout my childhood was watching him on a 19 inch black and white television set laughing my head off  to  his character of Mork. Some of y'all may be laughing while reading this, and voicing how he was just another celebrity who took his own life, but to me he was a big deal in my world (including my family's.) And the way that he left the world saddened me, but life goes on. And after the rain forms a beautiful rainbow, and to me that is a reminder from the divine telling me that life is good. Having my little boy running towards me, and clinging on to me every time a wave would crash into his tiny body testifies to me that I am his safety guard. His solace. The one he'll run to when something scares him, or freaks him out. The one who always wants me to be there every time he tries something new. The one who wants me to see that he discovered his own footprints in the sand. And that even though they wash away he can make those footprints reappear. And just like that we can come back from having a stressful day and revert it into one of the most happiest, and meaningful days of our life. 

This day at the beach was so unique. So unique that the waves were pretty massive! In all the times we've ever been to the beaches around the jersey shore I've never seen them so high, and "fluffy". It was a perfect day for anyone who loves to surf. 

I was sitting from a distance watching the waves & it was so neat to see three rows of them coming together as if they were steps, and to see the sky turning into a different color as the sun was setting was absolutely beautiful! 

There were other people who were standing close to the water just as Noah and I were in the picture above just staring at them. I can see that I'm not the only being in this world who comes here to escape, and be surrounded by this kind of joy. Watching and listening to the waves was so RELAXING! I love it here! If I lived even 20 minutes away I'd be here everyday just to sit and listen to the waves crashing. So to those of you who live right across the "sand" from a beach I sure hope you're taking advantage of it because I'd trade places with you any day!

The beach is truly one of my joys.

Living an hour away from the beach is such a blessing, and I'm so grateful we make the time to go. The kids always, always have a blast when we come. Even though they are content to go in our little backyard to splash and play in their little blue pool, the look on their faces when I tell them that we are going to the beach today instead is a kodak moment. One that will be etched in my mind for always.

And now for some photos. I didn't take too many as I was too busy inhaling God's beautiful creation. Lexie was a fanatic at taking pics too!

 ^^^ Digging for treasure and attempting to build a sand castle is always a must before anything else. ^^^

 ^^^ Then comes playing in the water. ^^^

 ^^^ I spy a surfer dude. ^^^

 ^^^ These two are longing to learn how to surf. ^^^

 ^^^ How about a double high five for the waves that we're getting! ^^^

We could have been here all night. So thankful for this day, and for the strength that I have in having faith in myself to know that there is so much to live for, and have constant joy for this thing called life. It's awesome, and I wouldn't jeopardize it for anything in the world. I love myself, and I love my family! 

Hope y'all have a wonderful weekend! 

A Battle That I Will Win.

I was looking through our photo booth on our mac and found this picture on Sierra's iPhoto. I had to post it because it helps me remember the times when these two get along, and have fun without any altercations. It's hard to believe that this photo was taken sometime early last spring. This photo will be documented as a "lock it in moment" for me. Anytime they do something naughty in the future I can look back at this photo, and have a mommy mantra that'll get me through my "mean mom" phase. It helps me see two happy kids having fun taking pictures on our computer while I thought they were on PBS kids.org.  

Come to think of it...there's a reason why I'm always taking pictures. It's like therapy for me. 

But just remember that no one is perfect. That there is no mother that has it together, and that our life isn't always rainbows, and butterflies. That only God judges, and knows what truly goes on in our hearts, and in our mind...especially mine. 

That everyone has a battle they are fighting to win. 

Yesterday at church in our Relief Society class a lesson was taught on how we can overcome our weaknesses, and strive to do better with our life. Especially on the things that are keeping us from staying on the right path and fighting hard to not fall off of it. Although there are times when we'll have many a slip ups we can always repent and find our way back to eternal progression and try our hardest to never look back. This particular lesson was very emotional for me, and I feel like the Relief Society President and I are like kindred spirits because sometimes I feel we are on the same wavelength when it comes to discussing certain topics. We had a good discussion on looking back and remembering our baptism. Questions were asked about how we felt the day we changed our lives, and cleansed ourself from all the naughty things we had done in the past. Still...just because we got baptized doesn't mean that life is going to be perfect. Just because we got married or sealed in the LDS temple doesn't mean our marriages are going to be struggle free. Just because we have children doesn't mean they are going to make our life any easier, and just because we go to church every Sunday doesn't make us a perfect family. 

This is the part when I have to fight extra hard, and remember all those "lock it in moments" including the day our children were born, the day of my baptism, and being sealed to my family so that we can be strengthened on continuing that path towards the greater good so that we can reign with our loved ones including the Savior forever and forever. 

Although my kids say I'm the greatest mom there is that dark cloud that sometimes hovers over my head telling me different, and this is the battle that I feel keeps me from being that great mom. 

As a middle aged mother with a toddler life can somewhat take a toll on me especially when I'm keeping up with three older daughters, and even though my oldest is out on her own doesn't mean I don't worry, or keep tabs on her. It seems that the older I get I will always be their mother advising, calling, nagging (in a good way), and I'm hoping that once Sierra has met her eternal companion that will all change. I think I've gotten better at giving her time and space so that she can govern herself now that she's 19, but in the end I'll always be there for her (even when she's married!)

It's amazing to see how resilient my kids are after having raised my voice at them for misbehaving. Telling myself over and over again that I don't want to be the kind of mom that constantly yells or nags on them for the silliest things. I gave up a long time ago with Noah's toys being scattered all over the living room floor. Luckily he has learned to "clean up" on his own, and I give thanks to the cartoon "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood" for that one. There is more to life than cleaning up legos, cars, trains, and every piece of matter that Noah brings in the house from outside. They are still happy even after reprimanding them and it makes me feel guilty because I grew up in a house where there was a lot of yelling, cursing, hurting, and screaming. I remember how quickly I'd get over the hurt my mother caused when she'd yell, and smack my sister and I with the belt. I remember how much it hurt and there is no way in hell that I'm ever going to go down that route with my kids. There's a reason why I don't own many belts come to think of it. Scars take time to heal, and the worst kind of abuse is the verbal kind. I know I'm not following down that path, but the physical kind is what I endured the most. 

There are times when one of the kids will do something that'll spark a repressed memory, and I have to fight the "old Rose" from coming out. Or times when my daughters are going through some petty drama with friends, and it reminds me of the times I had to deal with dumb girls like that in my teenage years. I remember my mother getting upset wanting to contend with those girls including their mothers, but the difference is that she didn't have a firm foundation of the Lord, or gospel to help her overcome those trials, or moments of extreme motherly overprotectiveness. 

I do. 

And I fight hard like hell not to make that happen. 

When those moments pass I thank the Lord for sparing any kind of desire that would cause me to take my anger out on my children, or contend with anyone. I have to admit that when Sierra was a toddler I began to hit her. I realized I needed some serious counseling when I left a red mark on her sweet face, and even though I received counseling I feel as if there are times when I can still use it. That's the dark cloud that often tries me from time to time. I have also cried my eyes out to the point where I've gotten a headache because I feel so guilty for being like my mother sometimes. I know that it's my turn to break that chain, and I'm fighting hard like hell to make it happen. I'm grateful for the faith that I have with God knowing that I can continue to heal from any trauma that I've witnessed, and suffered from my past. I want Noah to know that I'm not really mad when he got his brand new Toms muddy, and wet. Or when Lexie busted her G string on her violin from tightening it too hard last Christmas. I want Chelsea to know that the "mean" looks I give her are not hateful, but stern because I want her to learn right from wrong. I want Sierra to know that words said in anger are never meant, and that I would never backhand her sisters, or her brother like I did when she was little. I don't want to ever hurt my children in any way. I know how it feels to be beaten, hurt, and abused both physically, & emotionally. I don't want my kids to experience any of that. I want them to know that the battle I'm fighting is one that I will win, and that sometimes I have to be tested. But in the end I will fight like hell to pass it. (sorry for using the word hell to much.)

^^^ my jorgybirds, circa-Spring 2010 ^^^

I want them to know that I consider them my "jewels", and like stones they are priceless, precious, and very rare. That they are all of a different cut. That I love them all uniquely, but equally. 

Looking at these photos reassures me that I have amazing children that continue to love me unconditionally and have helped me keep it together no matter what. The older they get, the smarter they get, and the smarter they get the more they know how to handle a mom like me. I'm also grateful for a husband who has the patience like Job to have faith in me that I can do this. That I can fight those demons that cause any repressed memory to come back to haunt me. That I have broken this chain in it's entirety and never have any of our children hurt their future posterity, and so forth, and so on. 

That I will completely be healed from every single kind of abuse that I endured, every repressed memory that comes back, and never pass it on. 

That I can continue on that path to eternal salvation, and live happily with my family, friends, and God forever and ever. 

I pray. I pray. 

selflessness is the key to my happiness.

Didn't I warn ya about being prepared to see more posts like this? This weather has been too good to be true, and because of the things that I posted about motherhood the other day with time passing by us way too quickly, I want to take the time to enjoy the small and simple things...especially with this little guy.

Going on walks, taking Noah to the park, visiting my sisters from the church to share a spiritual message really puts my mind at ease. It reminds me to be selfless, and it helps make me look at our life at this very moment in a different perspective. I am thankful. I feel fulfilled. I feel loved. I have hope, and I am blessed no matter what. My decision in putting other peoples needs before my own has always been a key to my happiness...especially in times of stress.  I want to thrive on happiness. I want to seek the happiness in every direction whether it's good or bad. I want to be a good example to every person I meet, because first impressions are always important. I find that when I see life's beautiful things such as blue skies, birds humming, seeing my neighbors daffodils pop up renews the spirit in which abides with me, and is a sign from above telling me that all will be well. 

Being a trio at the park the other day without a worry in the world helped us forget about life's stresses for that moment. Instead of having Jon doing all the 'rough' running around with Noah I wanted to have a piece of that action. I decided to cross the monkey bars with Noah on my back. Noah was a bit hesitant to get on. I don't think he trusted me to hold him the way daddy does. I was patient, and waited for Noah to carefully get on my back, but to no avail. Two words...epic fail. My hands felt so weak as he tried to get on. He ended up trying to save me from letting go & falling. Here I am hanging on to these monkey bars for dear life as if it was the last thing on earth to do! All along I was saying to  myself, "I can do this, I'm not out of shape!" I eventually let go. Afterwards Noah kept asking me if I was okay. He was so serious, and caring about the whole thing that he kept asking me that for ten minutes! Laughing and putting all my energy on this family of mine is what keeps me going. 

^^^ Mandatory caption: The look on Noah's face is priceless. ^^^

I observe at the way Jon looks at our life, and he is at peace. He looks at the kids with love, and his heart is filled with gratitude. I am reminded of this quote from President Uchtdor from general conference recently, "Gratitude is a disposition, a way of life that stands independent of our current situation." That quote is so fitting for our life right now. So grateful that Jon has a great attitude towards negativity, and has a unique built for strength when it comes to trials. He's not perfect, but he sure knows his limits of frustration. He doesn't take it out on us. He cooks & will read instead.

One thing for sure life is always better when affection is given. These two are the only men in my mortal life, and once again we are taking advantage of our afternoons enjoying this lovely spring weather...just the three of us.  

Yup...no matter what life throws at us, life is pretty darn good! 

Hope your life is too! Have a great weekend! 

There is always something to be thankful for.

And today, on the 22 day of November I am thankful for...

• my family, and extended family all over the world...I love them so much. 
• my only sister, who through thick and thin has been there for me...no matter what.  
• friends near and far whom I've kept in touch with throughout the years.
• technology, without it I would have never reconnected with friends from years ago.
• my husband, who works so hard to provide for us.
• a warm bed to sleep on inside a nice heated home. 
• good books because there's so much knowledge in them if we understand the story.
• music, without it my soul wouldn't be the same. Plus...it helps me when I write.
• a house full of happy kids.
• my children, they are all the glue that hold me together...especially Noah.
• life, for it is the air I breathe and wake up to everyday.
• sunshine on a chilled November afternoon.
• nature, and all of God's beautiful creations that remind us that He is always watching over us.
• this little blog that i have to inform others of my life both past & present in hopes that they continue to stay and visit longer. And possibly be inspired.
• endurance, without that I don't think I would have survived my childhood.
• trials, without them I wouldn't learn, and grow spiritually from them.
• prayer...without it I don't think my relationship with Heavenly Father would have developed.
• our church magazines with stories that inspire me, and help me to never give up on life.
• my conversion in to the LDS church & for change because all things are possible.
• faith, without that there is no way I can have hope or trust that good things will happen.
• support, without that I honestly don't think that we'd have friends to offer it.
• the gospel, because without it I honestly would feel "lost", a recluse, a totally different person. A person who would have continued to live a life that was not good. And I am grateful. 

Boy am I forever grateful! 

**What are you thankful for?

Pornography at 700.

^^ the little house i grew up in Texas, circa- 1997 ^^

A year after my conversion to the LDS church I left Texas in December of 1993 to start my life anew in a different state. I vowed to never look back at the life I lived, and endured in Texas. I never thought I would ever look back and step foot on the lawn of the house I once called home. But I did. I needed to. I had to. For myself. To know that the molestation I endured there for five years was real. That the darkness I had been sheltering inside my mind was real. That none of it was a dream. To know that I wasn't insane. For peace. For closure.

And the year before my stepfather passed away...I did. 

I had forgiven him at that time. I was older and wiser. I had a family, and I knew that with the condition he was in there was no way he could hurt me. 

Anymore.

And all was well. 

Still...I wondered what on earth could have caused him to do such a thing. Maybe it happened to him. I'll never know, but I know this. The poison that was the culprit of this abuse was the fact that there were pornographic magazines in my home. For years I thought it was a dream. I wanted it to be. But it was reality. A reality that so many of us face today. A reality that can cause serious negative consequences to both male and female. A reality that is damaging to mankind. A reality that will hurt a marriage, and break up a family. A reality that is the literal poison of todays society.

That reality is... 

PORNOGRAPHY. 

As a 10 year old child you have no clue as to why a magazine would have a half naked girl on the cover. Even as a 14 year old...I didn't get it. Well at 42...I know now. It is poison. For years these pornographic magazines laid comfortably on the shelf above my head every time i went in to use the bathroom...where it was visible to everyone. 

Pornography was the damage to my household, my self image, and my well being. It destroyed my relationship with my mom which drove me away from her. It made me promiscuous as a teen, naive with boys, caused me to shoplift, drink, and lie. And at one point...I even attempted to take my own life. I count my blessings for my mother to have come home at the right time to rush me into the ER to get stitches on my wrist. It was painful. I cried. Even though I had friends there was no one I could tell, or wanted to know. It was then that I knew that if I continued to live this way in this small town with no one to bear my soul to...who knows what could have happened to me, or where I'd end up. I needed help & those were the ways I was crying out for it.

Pornography may be a normal, and fun "hobby" for some of us, and some may even say, "there's nothing wrong with it, it's harmless, and everybody looks at it." 

Well sorry, but I don't look at it. And never will. I'm a witness to how it affects a persons actions, & it is vicious.

The fact that it was in my home like it was no big deal was the biggest mistake my mom did as to allow my stepfather to have it linger in our home, let alone look at it. I know in the end we all suffered the consequences in some shape or form, and my stepfather suffered so much health wise until the day of his passing in 1998.

Forgiveness was rendered to my mother & our relationship was mended. 

I'm grateful for the things I learned throughout the years while healing from years of molestation. For the gospel that changed my life, and for the beginning of a new life that was saved, and changed for good.

That life was mine.

This experience has helped me teach my children that pornography is a problematic, poisonous, and addictive form of entertainment. It is not clean, or pure, and it can ruin you.

If you are someone who constantly looks at porn having unclean thoughts all the time then there is a problem. It is habit forming so please find a way to realize that these are serious issues & please get the help that you need. 

Every so often talks and lessons are given in our church from apostles, and the first presidency as well as members of our own congregation about the usage of pornographic material, and how damaging it can be. I'm glad that we have a church presidency who is fearless in discussing this worldwide issue, and to acknowledge that it is not good, and that it is a problem. It is easily accessed online & it is everywhere. 

I always wondered why I was so angry all the time even after joining the church. But knowing that I have a Father in Heaven helped me overcome all the bitterness, and anger that was harboring deep in my soul for so many years.  

The look on my face that you see in the picture above was a face of discontentment which harbored painful memories. 

The face I have now is that of forgiveness, love, strength, and courage. And I know that I have healed. No matter what other trials I may have, (and believe me I have them periodically) I know that with hope, and faith they too shall pass. Because they usually do. 

And I know that I will make it.

And I did. 

I have no regrets with everything that I've endured in my past. None. It has molded me into the person I am today. A person of imperfection, but ever loving. A mother who is overall a happy person with a wonderful husband, and pretty awesome kids. Sometimes I can't believe my life.

And I will forever be grateful to God for surviving it, and for the support I've gained from my family then, now and forever. 

"No matter how dark the moment love and hope are always possible."

~George Chakiris

**This talk on pornography given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland is one of the lessons I taught in Relief Society two years ago, and it is a good one!  

learning to let go & govern themselves.

The hardest part of having children is not having them, or raising them, but letting them go off on their own. To learn, to discover, to experiment, and to govern themselves. Govern themselves. "We as parents have to teach our children to govern themselves" is a saying that I kept hearing when Sierra first started the young women program. In all honesty the first time I heard it, and I mean really heard it I felt a little uneducated as to what it really meant. And I wanted to learn.

See...I didn't understand any of it. None. Zilch. Nada. Govern themselves??? What do you mean? What is that? I wasn't a member of the church at birth, eight, twelve, 15, or 18. So...can you please explain it to me? And eventually they did. I learned and grew with the values and standards this wonderful church has taught our kids, and it has made me a better mother as to how I am raising these girls. 

One thing for sure is that I didn't nor will I ever understand the pressures that come with being raised in the church, or being the only Mormon in high school. Having us parents telling you, teaching you that drinking and smoking is bad. That you can't wear sleeveless clothing, two piece bathing suits, or short, short hootchie shorts that practically show paris, london, and france. That you shouldn't go shopping or go to the theatre on Sundays. That dating begins at the age of 16, and only go on double dates. No. I will never know the feeling of being a raised a mormon as a youth, but I do know the challenges that I had to overcome. The changes that I needed to do in order to become a much more happier person. I was 20 when I joined. Oh yeah...my rebellion, sexual promiscuity, & partying stage was all in my past. I didn't want any of that. Anymore. 

Swearing...we hear it all the time. In school, in books that are assigned to our children to read during high school, and unfortunately...on the home front. You heard it here first folks. Swearing...that is a weakness even for me. Shocked? Yes...I swear. I'm a mormon, and I tend to slip up every now and then. Remember I'm not perfect. No one is. But I recognize that slip up, try my very best to bite my tongue especially in front of the little ones. I've gotten a lot better at it, and it comes in full swing when I'm very stressed or that time of the month. I apologize, and I say to the girls, "it sounds ugly doesn't it?" Especially when that PG-13 movie that we were watching had the word F*!# in it. It sounds horrible. Funny...maybe, but it still has no meaning as to why they say it. Now I can see why we shouldn't watch R rated movies. As awesome and intense (Air Force One, the Terminator), historical (last of the Mohican's, Glory, and The Patriot with Mel Gibson), and dramatic as they may be (Argo, Blood Diamond) I shouldn't watch them. Oh...but I love The Last of the Mohican's!! Oh well...no one is perfect. Still...movies that have a lot, and I mean a lot of swearing in a sense that they should have just titled it F*!# has no interest for me. I hate it, it sounds awful, and I end up feeling terrible afterwards kicking myself why I didn't have the strength to turn it off. Well, now I just avoid watching them altogether. 

Sierra was fortunate to have made good friends, non mormon friends in high school who knew her standards and have respected her when it came to swearing. They'd cover her ears, or mouth the words behind her back. In all honesty...Sierra  has never said a swear word ever (at least not around me.) The first time I heard Sierra say "hell" was when we were discussing the changes in her curriculum, and unforeseeable future at UARTS. She didn't mean to say it, but she is just ready to have this semester over so she can transfer, and start new somewhere else. She said, "Mom, I just want to get the hell out of here." I was shocked, and said to her that even though its in the bible that we shouldn't say it too much! In my eyes it's okay to say it, but then again maybe I'm justifying that in a sense to say or write when appropriate.  I told her to just try not to say it too much, and she knew. She even felt weird afterwards saying it. Here I am a mother who slips a swear word every now and then telling her not to. Yes...I feel like a total hypocrite which makes me want to do better. So much better! It's so sad how circumstances can cause our minds, and hearts to be saddened, and we feel that swearing will make it all better. It doesn't. So...clean language is a value that is important to me, and seriously something that I have to work on.   

Early morning Seminary...don't even get me started on that. I have absolutely no idea how it feels to wake up at 4:30 every morning five days a week excluding holidays for four years to learn about all the important books that keep a person sane, fulfilled, happy, knowledgeable, and spiritual. I know that it helped Sierra endure her four years of high school, and helped her handle any trial, catty drama, and just "life". I know that Seminary is a great tool for the youth, and I am grateful that she got a taste of that. 

Girls camp for four years, EFY, youth activities, personal progress, and so many wonderful church youth programs that are out there to make a kid strong, but that's not always the case. Again...I didn't have any of this growing up, and when our kids go off to these exciting, and testimony building adventures it can help them spiritually, or not. Some go through the motions. Some forget. Some rebel. Some start talking back. Some end up not caring. Anymore. Some give up. I have seen it...not with my kids, but other peoples kids, and it's scary.

So after witnessing teenagers, returned missionaries, and young adults go through these stages of life of inactivity in Sierra's earlier years has helped me for that moment to have her learn to govern herself. Because I wanted her to learn on her own. To know what cause and effect mean. I have seen the despair a parent has when their child has gone wayward, and it's heartbreaking. I still see it.

And then...they turn 18, graduate, apply for college, and leave the house. Live in the dorms. In the city. Philadelphia. Yes, it can be scary. It can be dangerous. Certain people were concerned for her, and I understand why. Luckily...she has survived. She has learned. She has persevered every experience, every trauma she has witnessed (a suicide, gang violence, even putting herself in a situation which could have been worse) Those are her stories that hopefully someday will share with you. But for now...she strives to be the most bubbliest, happiest, carefree, always smiling, loving, funny kind of girl. 

She is my daughter. My firstborn, my solace, and sometimes...my close to perfect example. I love her, and like my mother has told me that she had to learn to let go of me, the last one to have departed the nest...I also have to learn to let her go. Luckily she isn't the last one left in my nest.

And I will. I have to. I have to learn to accept, and support the choices in her life as well as the rest of our children. Her wants. Her needs. This is her time to learn. To discover, and enjoy a different type of freedom. I pray that her thought process, and level of spirituality will not go askew. I pray that she will continue to live up to her standards, to never forget who she is, and to remember everything that has been taught in her life both temporally and spiritually, and that she will take it with her no matter where she goes in this life.

**This talk really helped me when I understood what it meant for our children to learn to govern themselves. It is awesome, and really helped. Really! 

my solace.

I have been reading my patriarchal blessing a lot lately for the mere fact of hoping to look at it in a different perspective each time...and I have. It has never left me disappointed, or has led me gone astray. It is something very special that I hold dear to my heart, and something that is crucial in my life. It is my solace, and in many ways...a life saver!

With the loss of Jon's job, and all that we are facing it is such a comfort to be able to read that piece of paper I call, "My personal guide to a happy life from Heavenly Father."

I love my blessing and try to read it everyday. I have a copy in my journal, and in my scriptures. I received it 11 years ago when I was 30, and although I continue to have trials in my life I have faith in my blessing, and in the Savior to know that it will come to pass. And so far...it has.

I strive my best to live a life as a faithful servant to my fellow man, and The Lord. No one is perfect, as am I, but I know that if I seriously do what is right that my blessing will be true.

It is up to us on how we view it, and the faith that we carry.

It is given to us for a reason, and believe me when I write this...I was new to the ward in which I received my blessing. I had never met the patriarch nor did I have a clue as to who he was. The minute he laid his hands upon my head and began speaking it was as if Heavenly Father was talking to me through him!

The Lord certainly knows each, and every one of us and on that specific day He knew how my life had been, and where it was heading. So far it has come to pass, and I am forever grateful that I am able to continue to stay home with my kids. I love my blessing, and will never doubt it.

No matter the trials I have had, and will face-I will NEVER doubt it.

Job loss or not I know the Lord will find a great working environment for Jon, and that I will be able to continue to be at home with my little boy 24/7...at least while he's still little.

Sierra's blessing was even more amazing! She received it when she was 16, and everything that is written in it is up to her as to how she lives this life. All our kids continue to learn as my husband and I teach them the importance of preparing and receiving their blessings. 

Sierra loves her blessing, and knows that it's a personal guide to navigate her throughout her mortal life. She knows that she will have trials, and when she does to look upon her blessing for peace. Next in line to get her blessing is Lexie, and she is preparing to receive it soon. 

I accentuate the positive in my patriarchal blessing and really treasure it! No matter what happens in the future looking at that piece of paper is just that...a blessing.

Even in the most trying of times, I will always have faith.

I used to be one who expected something to happen overnight. 

Not anymore. 

No more instant gratification. 

Sometimes the patience is worth the wait in building up that strength. I see my blessing as a timetable too, and that has helped my patience as well.

I have too much hope to worry about my life when other people have it worse.

I especially have too much faith to worry about my blessing being...what word can I use...inaccurate, untrue, unsuccessful, wrong!! Well, fortunately for me it has never let me down. Even if some of the things that are written in it have yet to come true there is no way I can turn down such a wonderful blessing, and deny it.

We are are each individuals and no one's blessing is ever the same. I thank the The Lord for that because if they were all the same I think life would be pretty dull, and we would never grow from our trials or experiences or look at our blessing in different perspectives.

**If you are a bit curious as to what a Patriarchal blessing is watch this. I love this video! 

1720

Sierra & Lexie on a snowy day in Salt Lake City-2004

1720 was the place where we used to live in Salt Lake City where we all learned the true meaning of 'growing as a family in the gospel'. I only had these two girls at the time, and they always seemed to pick me up at my darkest moments, and make life living in Utah easier for me. It was the place where I learned to fall, and pick myself back up again. It was a place where I actually understood what it meant to be 'tested', and how to overcome it, but most of all learn from it. 

Hope in preparing for your future

"Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself."

~John Dewey

This summer has been quite different from all the summers we've had before. Different because I see my eldest daughter portray a certain countenance that you don't normally see in teens today. Not only has she been buried with summer homework that consists of endless reading which includes four chapters of AP History, and reading three books for AP English. She's also had her share of being gone for weeks at a time attending various church activities, and having much needed vacation time with us as a family. In a sense I feel that her absence and time being spent in her room doing homework is preparing me for her future. The future that indicates not seeing her for months at a time as opposed to weeks. The future I am referring to is...

college. 

She has been dreaming of going to college since she was in the third grade. She also wanted to find a job as soon as school was over, but with vacation time, church activities, and tons of summer homework...it was impossible for her to work. I appreciated her efforts in wanting to become someones employee, but as a parent I didn't want her to get overwhelmed. She decided that she shouldn't work and that her school and church activities came first.  I was impressed with her decision and supported her through it. It would be nice if she did have a job making her own money and saving some for college, but it wasn't feasible with her hectic schedule. All of these decisions she is making and all that she is doing is indeed preparing her for college.

She began attending Girls camp every summer since she turned 12. I remember being sleep deprived all week worrying and hoping that she was having a great experience when she went for the first time. I missed her and cried off and on all week long. Although I had two younger daughters at home to keep me company our family didn't feel complete. It was hard. I found that after four years of having her attend girls camp it's become a lot easier for me, and her testimony continues to build. I am grateful for all that she continues to learn in school, and for all the church activities that keep her busy and strong in growing within the gospel.

Our Stake Presidency visited our church yesterday and while all the testimonies that were said were very uplifting and true...President Sikahema's stood out to me the most. He was the last to bear his testimony and mentioned a little bit about his college days and how it took him 22 years to finish his education. I was impressed with his diligence, and endurance in finishing his education and playing football for BYU including the NFL for so many years!

My husband and I don't have a lot of money saved for Sierra's college. She'll be graduating in two years and we really haven't build a nest egg for her. It was hard for us to save any money when you are moving from state to state. We've decided to not splurge as much on vacation trips next summer, and to seriously start saving some money from our tax returns each year. Luckily our kids are all five years apart which gives us five years to save for Alexandra's college, and the next kid, and the next (we have four.)

President Sikahema's testimony really inspired me and gave me hope that our daughter will have a higher education and get into a great college. Whether it's BYU or any other university she is determined to get in. She is bright, ambitious, goal-oriented, and has faith and determination in applying for every single scholarship out there, and pray that they will choose her. I've said this to all of my children many times, "if you do what's right and strive to do your very best in living a good christian life, and do excellent in school...the Lord will bless you."

I know Sierra believes that.

 I am also preparing for the four years (or more) she'll be attending college away from me. I know there will be tears, but at least I'm preparing for them now... instead of later.