my solace.

I have been reading my patriarchal blessing a lot lately for the mere fact of hoping to look at it in a different perspective each time...and I have. It has never left me disappointed, or has led me gone astray. It is something very special that I hold dear to my heart, and something that is crucial in my life. It is my solace, and in many ways...a life saver!

With the loss of Jon's job, and all that we are facing it is such a comfort to be able to read that piece of paper I call, "My personal guide to a happy life from Heavenly Father."

I love my blessing and try to read it everyday. I have a copy in my journal, and in my scriptures. I received it 11 years ago when I was 30, and although I continue to have trials in my life I have faith in my blessing, and in the Savior to know that it will come to pass. And so far...it has.

I strive my best to live a life as a faithful servant to my fellow man, and The Lord. No one is perfect, as am I, but I know that if I seriously do what is right that my blessing will be true.

It is up to us on how we view it, and the faith that we carry.

It is given to us for a reason, and believe me when I write this...I was new to the ward in which I received my blessing. I had never met the patriarch nor did I have a clue as to who he was. The minute he laid his hands upon my head and began speaking it was as if Heavenly Father was talking to me through him!

The Lord certainly knows each, and every one of us and on that specific day He knew how my life had been, and where it was heading. So far it has come to pass, and I am forever grateful that I am able to continue to stay home with my kids. I love my blessing, and will never doubt it.

No matter the trials I have had, and will face-I will NEVER doubt it.

Job loss or not I know the Lord will find a great working environment for Jon, and that I will be able to continue to be at home with my little boy 24/7...at least while he's still little.

Sierra's blessing was even more amazing! She received it when she was 16, and everything that is written in it is up to her as to how she lives this life. All our kids continue to learn as my husband and I teach them the importance of preparing and receiving their blessings. 

Sierra loves her blessing, and knows that it's a personal guide to navigate her throughout her mortal life. She knows that she will have trials, and when she does to look upon her blessing for peace. Next in line to get her blessing is Lexie, and she is preparing to receive it soon. 

I accentuate the positive in my patriarchal blessing and really treasure it! No matter what happens in the future looking at that piece of paper is just that...a blessing.

Even in the most trying of times, I will always have faith.

I used to be one who expected something to happen overnight. 

Not anymore. 

No more instant gratification. 

Sometimes the patience is worth the wait in building up that strength. I see my blessing as a timetable too, and that has helped my patience as well.

I have too much hope to worry about my life when other people have it worse.

I especially have too much faith to worry about my blessing being...what word can I use...inaccurate, untrue, unsuccessful, wrong!! Well, fortunately for me it has never let me down. Even if some of the things that are written in it have yet to come true there is no way I can turn down such a wonderful blessing, and deny it.

We are are each individuals and no one's blessing is ever the same. I thank the The Lord for that because if they were all the same I think life would be pretty dull, and we would never grow from our trials or experiences or look at our blessing in different perspectives.

**If you are a bit curious as to what a Patriarchal blessing is watch this. I love this video! 

A patriarchal blessing can truly change a life.

I have to admit being a mother for the first time was no picnic. You'd think that it would be harder being a mother of four as opposed to being a mother to one. The days in my life seem pretty easy today when it comes to raising my kids. I  believe it's easier now because I have two self sufficient daughters to help me out around the house, and life with a two year old comes pretty easy.

I am older in my years, and because I've been around the block three times before I seem to have it down...well almost. I know I still have a lot to look forward to with Chelsea, and Noah, but having that five year age gap  is always a blessing!

I am a firm believer in the Lord giving us what we can handle, and He knew that 17 years ago I couldn't possibly have another kid too close in age. I have so many friends with four to six kids who are 18 months to two years apart, and I commend them for the patience they must have to have kids so close. I honestly don't think with the way my life was 17 years ago I could of had kids too close in age. I don't think I would have had the patience, or the means to give them the best love.

Moving to Utah was a bold move, but after converting to this church I wanted to start a fresh life. I still considered myself a newbie in the church when I married my better half. We had Sierra months after we were married, and at times I felt so lonely because I had no family in Utah. There was even a period in our life where we became "inactive" and hardly ever went to church. I guess you can say that I had held on to so much darkness from my past that eventually led to anger and depression, and inactivity in the church.

Receiving my patriarchal blessing is when things started falling into place. My love for my Heavenly Father grew deeper, and my understanding of the atonement of Jesus Christ became much clearer to me. I count my blessings for having never ever been on any kind of medication for depression. I never knew there was such a thing as prozac until I moved to Utah! So I didn't see that as a cure for my depression. My husband did his very best to help me get through my first years as a first time mom. It didn't help not being active with the church I had just joined either. I wonder though had I gone to church more if my life as a first time mom been a lot easier for me. Would I have received more blessings, and felt more loved by my husband's family.

The sad thing about this post is that while being inactive we were in Thomas S. Monson's home ward in Holladay. I took for granted the fact that we had an apostle of the Lord attending our church! He wasn't the prophet then, but he was still a member of the first presidency. Even though we saw him three times in the five years we lived there he presented an example so strong, and I always felt loved and welcomed by him. Sad huh?

Who knows how the first five years of my life living in Utah had been had I been more active in the church. Then again I look back at those trials, and I wouldn't exchange them for anything. I am who I am today because of those experiences. It's because of those trials is why I have more patience, and more love for my entire family. I am more active today with the church than I have ever been when I first joined. I never want to go down that path again of inactivity...EVER!

I now take the principles of the gospel more seriously, and never take my children for granted. I try not to stress over the little things. I wake up, and give thanks to my Heavenly Father each day, and thank him for giving me and my family another day to live. Each day is a new day, and realize that the years get shorter as my children grow. Teaching them true principles of the Lord is crucial in our home, and hope that our example as parents will always be pleasing to our kids.

Receiving my patriarchal blessing saved my membership in the church in many ways. It is a guide that led me get to the temple, a guide that continues to help me accomplish my great calling as a mother. It is a guide that gave me a strong impression to have more children, and if I continue to live righteously-my patriarchal blessing will always be there for me as a guide to lead me to a path of eternal salvation so that we as a family may return back to our Heavenly Father and reign with Jesus Christ forever.

Amen.