Saturday, September 29, 2018

My Focus On Raising My Boy.

I know some of y'all read my previous post about my assault, and although I was saving the nitty gritty for a "memoir" I'm hoping to write someday didn't want to put in all the gory details. Heck, I didn't even want to put it out there globally for my readers to read, but felt it appropriate to mention it because of the Ford Vs. Kavenaugh hearings, and now that I'm older, and "wiser" with grown kids (well, two of them are) hope that they will learn from this. Especially my oldest daughter who, unfortunately went through the same thing herself

There's enough sadness in the world, and too much political debate that I want to keep my blog positive, and bright. Not dark, and raw. Well, I'll keep it real to a minimum, but at some point I'd like to share stories of my youth, and how I was raised, what I learned, how I stayed sane while the sexual abuse was going on, "how I managed to "escape from said assault" and not get so messed up in my life, my conversion with becoming a christian, and what it took for me to "change." And all the happy sprinkles in between.

But like I said, I'm saving all that for a book! 

On a much more happier note, without even mentioning the hearings, or anything "sexual" I want every girl (including my  daughters) to know that there are good men out there. 

Just look at your father. 

And your little brother. 

Noah is becoming just like his dad, and is like me! Ha Ha!

One thing that makes this little boy who he is, and how is is that he is surrounded by light, and joy from building legos, playing tennis, drawing, reading, and playing piano that he has no time to get angry (except when his youngest sister teases him!) I also wanted to share a few things as to what I know will help my kid grow up to be an exceptional young man. 

On being busy. 

I don't get him too involved in extra curricular activities. I once met a mom who had her kid attend camp after camp all summer long!! Without judging I said to her, "hey, if he's happy with being away with other kids then that's good." What I really wanted to say was, "how can you be away from your son all summer long!" Instead I said, "I only get Noah involved in tennis and that's for one week, and we hang out as a family all summer. He's my only boy and I can't just send him away, but every mom is different." Luckily she didn't take offense, and said that's good for me, but she needs her son to stay busy. 

Not my kid. I love Noah too, too much to have him gone away from me too long especially over the summer. I just can't "neglect" my son that way by putting him in activities to keep him busy, and "get out of my hair." I don't care how crazy, untamed he is! I love his personality too much to not be around it all summer long! 

Technology. 

I don't own any type of game system so he's not in front of the tv except to watch odd squad after school. I hardly let him play on my phone anymore except when we are taking long road trips. I don't give him, or buy him anything that will be a distraction to him. 

Cuddling.

I still love cuddling and holding him. He's almost nine, and from time to time will sneak into my bed early in the morning to cuddle with us! I personally don't mind, and I honestly wish he would just stay 8! 

I believe that if we keep our sons close as they grow up by not sending them off all over the place that they will turn out to be nurturing, kind, respectful individuals. If we don't believe me they are going to find it somewhere else, and it  may not be pretty as to how! 

True Principles and God. 

Although we are not a perfect family, we are very active with our church, and our kids love going. Noah loves his little Sunday school class, and even though he may not understand much of what he's being taught he knows that there is a Heavenly Father who loves him, and knows that his son Jesus died, and did so much for us to be here on earth together as a family. 

Learning all about what makes a young boy to be well mannered, and kind. Loving, and respectable. (thank you scouts for existing on this earth!)

Love. 

Teaching him what the true meaning of the word is. Not exposing him to violence, but to teach him the difference between good and bad without sheltering him too much from the world. Expressing our love, and teaching him to love everyone unconditionally. 

I am lucky to have known a few good men out there. Not all men "assault." Not all men behave basely at any point in their lives. There are other good men that have influenced my life who are like family, and I can mention a few male role models who have been, and were, and still are great examples to my eyes. 

Joe.  He was amazing to my momma.

Uncle Spencer. He's a good guy, and has really uplifted Sierra with good advice when it comes to bad relationships. 

Male Teachers, and professors. I know my girls have had many great examples in their lives during high school, and now college with respectable teachers who never showed sexism ever. And if they do, I trust them to handle it in their own way. 

Yes, I believe there are many good men out there who aren't jerks. Who won't hurt. Who won't force themselves on someone. They are out there. And if we raise our boys right, the future generation will be great. Not perfect, but great. 


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