finding peace & trying to live life better.

This past weekend consisted of hearing children sing, and reciting scriptures for a full hour, ways to find joy in attending the temple as well as learning ways we can pass on the love of The Lord, and our ancestors to our posterity. Suggestions on how we can make our home a heaven on earth without being bombarded with the "things" of the world, and how to overall just have peace in finding ways to regroup.

Although I'm beginning to feel that "good things come to those who hustle" sometimes slowing down is the best medicine. 

There are good days and not so good days. Luckily in the Jorgensen household we have more good days. I enjoy my days as someone who doesn't have much of a "paying job". I absolutely love being a stay at home mom, but to be honest my life (or I should say days) have been a bit rough for me lately. Noah hasn't been wanting to go to primary class, I'm still adjusting to Jon's new job, my calling, and having these two teasing each other every single day gets old. 

Why can't we all just get along!!

It's too much happening all at once, but I know that I can handle it. These two kids give the perfect definition of having a love/hate relationship. I am praying my heart out that it'll pass, and that when they are five, and ten years of age their relationship will blossom like their older sisters, & I will not give up on them!

Since Lexie has been staying after school for various activities it has given me the opportunity to have these two have some "outdoor time" together again.

This is my favorite time of year to spend outside, and take in every moment to see how beautiful life is. To really appreciate all that i have been given even when it's not enough. To always be grateful for opportunities when we can sit still, and not feel rushed to do the things that we feel have to get done. 

Because if you look at the big picture...the stress that we felt after packing so much in on a weekly basis is not a good feeling. 

My anecdote when I feel I have survived overtime hours of motherhood is seeing these two get along, because they usually don't...at least in our home. Every day they wake up teasing each other, and when she comes home from school it continues. 

And...

My struggle right now has been yelling, and I tend to yell really loud. Believe me...you don't want to hear me yell because us mexicans can yell really loud!

There are days when these two are literally pulling hair, and kicking each other (at least Noah does.) Although Chelsea has control on not to fight back, she'll still add in a little kick, and a side of an "I'm going to get you" look. I know...shocking huh. She's a sweet kid, but when it comes to her baby brother she has learned to defend herself. He's an almost four year old with a good amount of strength, and one who will certainly let you know to back off if you're bugging him. I know they are young, and again praying that it's a phase, and that this too shall pass. 

As I was hearing the words of the teacher this past Sunday about finding "peace at home" it clicked. I mean really clicked. I am seriously going to strive and thrive on finding that "unique" peace. I want to find that "unique" peace that I once had before all my kids got old! I want to find that "unique" peace where yelling was not a part of my life. I want my life to be filled with the spirit, and for my home to be a heaven on earth filled with peace, pure happiness, and love.

I know that it's up to me to me as a mother, and my responsibility to rear our children (especially these two) into being the best they can be. I am the only mother they have. They truly are good kids, and i love them both so very much! 

So here's to a life where from here on out my goal is to not yell when these two get out of hand, find peace within these two monkeys, and to simply live a happy and normal life. 

**Prayers are welcomed, and a Happy Monday to you!

primary blues.

So for the past two Sundays Noah has not been wanting to attend his primary class at church, and it's beginning to get a tad bit frustrating. I have no idea what has caused him to not want to attend after being in this class for ten months, but hopefully we will find a solution, and figure out as to why he's not wanting to attend. 

Quite shocking because Noah loves primary! He loves his teacher, and all the little girls in that class. We can be out of town in a different state, same church with different people, and Noah will have no problem going to that primary class. At first I thought it was the fact that we had general conference earlier this month, or the fact that he was going through withdrawal with Celeste being gone. He's perfectly fine when he's at home. You know.. with saying prayers, and participating in family home evening. Scripture study can be a bit of a struggle, but that's to be expected from a toddler, and sometimes he won't sit still. He's turning four next month, and I personally feel that it might be that he's just growing up. 

His sisters never really went through phases like this of not wanting to go to their little class. Sure once they entered nursery for the first time, or a sunbeam class (which Noah is in now, and he's not even four yet) can be overwhelming, and scary. But overall they all did well going to class, and we didn't have to deal with anything like this.

What is it with boys? Or is it just my kid.

I remember in other wards I've lived in, (and I've lived in a lot of them folks) nursery age was up until the age of three. Once they turn four is when they enter the sunbeam class. I don't know. I'm not complaining (okay maybe I am just a little...too late) it's just that Noah was barely three years of age when he entered the sunbeam class. Well..he's turning four next month so there is no turning back, or no use whining about it because that gets us nowhere! All we can do is try to find a way where he will go to class without causing a distraction, and continue to love this kid when he doesn't. 

Jon was such a good sport this past Sunday, and ended up taking him to the class he was teaching. Even then Noah wouldn't sit still, and wanted to "go to the car". I felt bad for Jon, and for the youth in his class who probably sensed the contention. I wish he would have grabbed me to take him since I wasn't teaching. He even took him to priesthood which didn't go very well. Apparently Noah thought it was play time, and decided to play behind the curtains (priesthood is on the stage in the gym in our ward.) I sensed Jon's frustration on our way home, and felt super sad for him!  

Noah is a darling little boy, and there are times when Chelsea will try to take him, but to no avail. I feel like a bad mom bribing him with treats during the week so that he'll go to class this Sunday. Not that I've bought him anything, but i gave in by giving him my iPhone to play games on, watching more than one movie, etc. I'm such a softee.  

I don't know if anyone has ever had this issue with a toddler about to turn four not wanting to go to class. We shall see how he reacts this Sunday. 

Jon and I both teach Sunday school, and this week it is my turn to teach Gospel Doctrine! Yes...I'm excited, but still nervous!

I don't want this small trial to run our lives every Sunday. I know that this too shall pass.

He did say he'll go to class though...after i gave him some technology time. Thank goodness for these little cards. 

We shall see.

Pray for him, and me... 

^^Noah and his sweet friend Celeste^^

That he'll have a smile of excitement on his face again when he's on his way to class! 

Faith, love, and enduring a trial

I woke up this morning to something I normally don't do. I went into Sierra's room to see if she had anything to wash, and noticed she didn't change her calendar. I decided to flip it to May and as I did not only did the quote that is published on the calendar spoke to me this morning, but so did the two words that are above her calendar as well.

There is beauty in mothering, but there are also moments of unlovliness. This is a beautiful month in which three glorious occasions are about to occur, (my 20th anniversary of my membership in the LDS church, Mother's Day, and my daughter's 17th birthday), and yet I feel that dark cloud hovering over me again. Motherhood is getting the best of me. I don't like to air out any negativity on my blog, but I need to let those of you know that I'm not always the "perfect & cheerful" mother in which people might see me as. I am strict, very protective of the ones I love, and living in New Jersey has made me develop a unique tolerance in standing up for myself.

We all make a choice in our actions, and when we don't watch ourselves our actions become words. I have realized that there are other people in the world, and in my own community who have worse problems than being "carless". Not that I'm carless all the time, but it's getting to a point where I would love to have our our van fixed. We are going on our third month in not having a vehicle, and as grateful as I am for those (especially the Albrecht family) who are helping us get to church, getting my girls to their lessons, etc.,...I want my own van back.

It hasn't been easy finding a decent used engine & transmission locally or even out of state. I don't know why I thought of this before, but after calling a friend in our church who owns a body shop he found us a good used motor. It's not like we can just fork out $4,000 for a new motor and about $3,000 for a new transmission. You add labor to that amount which is about $1300 (or more.) Ridiculous huh? We were looking close to nine grand on fixing a van we are still paying on! We chose the most affordable route. Luckily my husband is pretty good with cars and he has a few friends that will help him with the labor.

I know that trials come and go. What I don't look at is what happens in the middle of the trial. Am I exercising faith in that trial, and am I showing my children more love than reprimanding them for any little thing they do throughout that trial. I'll tell you and I know this from personal experience is to watch your actions...very carefully! Kids easily pick up the things that are negative, and if it becomes habitual they will learn it, and eventually pass it on to their own family ways. I want our children to be able to handle any trial with faith, patience, and love. Instead of stress, anguish, and tears of sadness I want there to be more moments of joy, and less stress.

Having a teenager who has her plate full with all kinds of activities which requires transportation is hard. I tend to take the little things out on her as opposed to looking at the full picture and realizing that none of this is her fault! She is independent, kind, resourceful, intelligent, and very patient to have a mother like me. I love my children very much, and I feel terrible after scolding them for the dumbest things!

Living throughout this ordeal of not having a running vehicle with four kids, and a hardworking husband who is hardly home is not easy. I am learning from the things throughout this trial as opposed to sulking, and feeling sorry for myself.  I want to be able to learn, and realize that everything is on the Lord's timetable...not mine. I don't want to be selfish, or think ill of those whom I feel have no clue as to what I'm going through both mentally and emotionally. I know I should open up my scriptures more when I feel alone, and I don't. I love my family, and what makes me forget about the trials is when I lose myself in service, and focus on others who have it worse.

It's a new day, and yesterday is gone. Life isn't always perfect, but I know that there are a million ways in being a good mom, and I'm grateful that trials come because like life...I have made the choice to be strong, and endure it until the very end.

Changing that calendar this morning was sure a blessing, and an answer to my prayer.