Friday, March 25, 2016

Be Still, Listen, & Never Take Anything For Granted.

I find myself to be more in tune with the spirit of the Lord, and spiritually focused when I'm by myself in the house, or when the kids are asleep. It has been a very long time since I've actually had a couple of hours to myself, & I'm beginning to really appreciate that time when I'm alone. No work to be done in the house, no job to have to rush to. No tv on for background noise, nothing. Just pure silence. I've never felt extremely needy for the Lord until now. it's amazing to me that I don't even have a desire to turn the TV on or log onto the computer to scroll through social media after the kids are gone. My priorities are seriously changing more now than ever before. Maybe it's my age, and the fact that all of my kids are getting older, and that they are, even at a young age, are beginning to find what the meaning of life is. Yeah...that's it. I know that when times get tough I tend to turn towards god more. It shouldn't be that way, but I have been praying a lot lately. Praying that i will continue to study the Scriptures every day and not just read them through quickly, but to sit down, think, and I mean really think, wonder, imagine, hope, and pray that even though the days can sometimes be bleak, that the sun will eventually shine after a long storm, and that there are better days ahead. That when one of my kids are having hard times that they will know to always turn to the Lord in prayer for answers, and healing. That my faith will never falter knowing that the decisions my children make especially when it comes to a spiritual one is correct, true, and inspired by God. I know that I have taken the Gospel for granted at times and even though I read with my family in the evenings on a daily basis, and pray with my family, my guilt of not reading the scriptures on my own as much as I'd like has been getting to me, and I don't want to do that anymore. I love my family. I love my heavenly father, and I'm so thankful for all the things that He has put me through in this life to learn so that I can grow spiritually. So that I can appreciate what's around me more, and not even care about the drama that goes on in my surroundings, or social media or how many likes i get on my pictures or the comments that are going to be left on my posts. What matters to me is the time that I have with my family, my friends, and to appreciate the life that I have been given. To pay more attention to the tiniest things that at times I've felt may be unnecessary to pay attention to. 

Prime example...

Noah showed me a picture the other day. He drew a picture of a heart with two stick figures inside, and one was colored red and the other blue. Blue because that's Noah's favorite color, and red because that's Jons. He then asked me to write, "to daddy, this is a heart for you. love noah" and you know what, I stopped what I was doing. I was in the middle of blogging , and immediately got off the computer. I paid attention to him & asked him about the picture and told him how beautiful it was. that his heart was perfect, and that he is perfect, and that his daddy is an awesome daddy, and for that moment I didn't even care about the computer, or anything else. That time was all about him. I have about 4 hours to spare with him in the morning before he goes to school and the moments that i don't pay attention to him will never return. I will never get back those moments. 

Another example...

One morning I came out of my room and saw Noah in the kitchen. I stood behind the small bookshelf near the staircase for a minute without him noticing that I was watching him. I saw him take the milk out of the fridge, grabbing the cereal from the cupboard and attempting to pour it on his own even when the gallon was full. I have seen him attempt that effort at least twice now. That should be a proud mama moment for me because that's telling me that he's independent, but at the same time it was a bit bitter. I know now that he does that on his own, because he probably didn't want to bother me. The fact that he didn't ask, "mommy I'm hungry, can I have some cereal?" made me realize that maybe he feels I'm too busy to help him. Yes, it's great that he's becoming independent, but at the same time probably didn't want to bother me because "mommy's on the computer again." I'm not on the computer for all hours of the day, but to be honest even when I'm on it for even five minutes to google something tells him that I'm too busy, and I don't want him growing up thinking that his mommy was too busy to spend time with him before school.  

Motherhood is the greatest blessing of all, and I don't want to take that for granted either. I don't want to take any of my children for granted no matter how old they get. I love the gospel of Jesus Christ, and that is the key to my happiness. That is what keeps me holding on. My family is the glue that holds me together, and The Lord is the bright light that covers any pocket of darkness. 

When I read the scriptures on my own in a still, quiet place those are the times when I truly feel His presence, and my time is all focused on Him. And what a feeling, and a blessing it is to actually hear His answer! Having my daughter Sierra learning all that she was taught in the MTC can really change your perspective towards many things in life, and I can see that it has for her, and when I don't skip a day of reading the scriptures, and praying my day runs a lot smoother. That works for me, and I see the proof of joy when I do it. 

Because in the end, all that's going to matter to the Lord is what I've done in this life that deals with family, & what I did for others. Nothings gonna matter more to him than that. Sure The Lord may be pleased with how much knowledge one has with the scriptures, but to me what matters is what I did with that knowledge. Not how many scriptures I memorized, but if I'm actually living the gospel, and following those scriptures in a Christlike manner. I'd like to think that I am, and trying my very best to live accordingly. 

I'm grateful for the opportunity I have to listen in on the general women's session which will be held tomorrow evening. The inspiration I receive from our women leaders is so inspiring, and I always leave with my heart cemented to the words that were given, and sometimes it's what I needed to hear. I'm extremely grateful for the gospel, and for my family that I'm so bonded to and love so much because they are the only ones that I'm gonna take home with me when this life comes to an end.

Have a lovely Easter weekend everyone! 

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