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Thursday, August 29, 2013

college bound.


Today is going to be a long day of moving, driving, walking, and last minute shopping as Sierra prepares herself to leave for college...like in a few hours! 

We just got back from our trip to Rhode Island, and instead of writing about that adventure my thoughts are all on Sierra. 

I can't believe that this day has come from the time she was born, to attending preschool, eighth grade graduation, high school graduation, and now college! 

Time certainly passes us by way to quickly!

It wasn't that long ago that Sierra would sit at the steps of Highland High school along with her friends to pick her up from school, or drop off dinner for her when she had those late night jazz band practices. It's bittersweet, but in a sense I'm going to miss that. 

I am going to miss the late night movie watching, trips to Wawa to get a smoothie, thrift store shopping, and all those mother/daughter talks we'd do almost on a daily basis. 

Luckily she'll be across the bridge in Philly where if there is an emergency I can jump in the car and be there in 20 minutes! Fortunately in this generation we have Skype, and all kinds of technology that is filled with the instant gratification when one is away from home. 

Writer's block is kicking in because I am filled with all kinds of emotions. Yes, I know she's only across the bridge, but if you knew the relationship I have with this kid you would understand. She is my solace in so many ways. She was also my part time editor for my blog, and now I am going to rely on Lexie (she's a good little writer too!) So if you see a lot of mistakes, or words that don't make sense in my posts it's all on me! 

She was always there when her dad worked late, and on many occasions would bake me some goodies when I'm feeling out of sorts. I'm not a baker at all, and that is one thing she is good at, my thighs won't miss them, but my mouth will! 

Can you imagine how I'd be reacting had she'd chosen to go to school across the country? I know I'd be able to handle it, but still...I would miss the hell out of her. 

One thing that I don't want to do, (and I think I'm doing a better job at it than my mother did) is become angry. Angry, and bitter because she's "leaving me" to better her life. Angry and bitter because she's leaving a small town to a bigger city. Oh, wait...that's a story about me. Well...she is leaving our small borough in Jersey to move to a bigger city, and another thing...why don't men react like that when their daughter is leaving? I'm sure deep down he'll miss her too but still...shed some tears dude! Maybe he's saving them for her future wedding day! 

When I moved from Texas to Utah for the first time my mom had a bad habit of just lashing out for no reason, and getting mad at me days before the move. I now know it's because of some crazy kind of love that she had for me. I was her baby girl whose nest had become empty. I get it, and I understood it, but I am not going to do that with Sierra.

However, I did catch myself reacting that way off and on before her graduation date for the mere fact that in just a couple of months she's going to "leave me". I promised myself I wouldn't do that when it was time for her to leave for college. I don't want that reaction to be learned to my daughters, and so today is going to be bitter sweet! 

I also think this last hurrah to New England, and taking in the sounds of the ocean helped all of us deal with the fact that when we return...she'll be gone.
I know her sisters will her miss her, but we are ready for her to begin this new adventure in her life that will lead her to do something magnificent and awesome in the future!

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