opposition in all things.

Washington D.C. temple-December 2013

Opposition really takes a toll on us when we least expect it. Especially when you're striving to do the things that are right. There are a lot of changes about to occur in our lives in a couple of days regarding our family, and I'll tell ya...that devil knows how to work on our weakest spots, and man is he good at using that against us. Especially when he sees you on your knees pleading in prayer.

21 years ago when I was about to be baptized my mother and I got into the most heated argument about nothing. I honestly can't even remember what it was about. The only thing I recall is that we were talking about my baptism, and how I'm joining a cult, don't expect me to be there, blah, blah, blah, blah. All I remember is her yelling at me telling me to not expect to see her at my baptism. Funny how she was soooo super supportive in the beginning when the sister missionaries knocked on our door & the fact that I was about to change my life by seeking God. As it got closer to my baptismal date all hell broke loose. And for what. For simply wanting to be a better human being, and for wanting to change my life. Well...luckily she entered the chapel at the last minute before I got dunked into the holy waters. I saw her & nearly cried. I could see the happiness in her eyes, and that day ended well. It ended well. 

Another time my mom and I had a heated argument for no reason was when I was moving to Utah. I had been living in Corpus Christi working the worst jobs & getting nowhere. I had only completed a year and a half of college, but didn't pursue it any further. I thought that making money was more important than attending college. I know...not a good choice. I guess that's why I'm so anal retentive with my kids getting an education! I want them to do better than me! As it got closer to me leaving we were at it again. Arguing! Contention...not a good thing! Again...I have no recollection of that day. One thing I do remember is the simple fact that she was mad at me for leaving. 

It was the end of the year 1993, and all I wanted was to just get out of Texas and start a new life somewhere else. You'd think she'd be happy for me, but in the end as my sister and I were departing from our little old apartment on McArdle St. all ended well. I wish I had the 'smiley' pictures to prove it, but they got lost throughout all the moving my mother has done (frown face.)

See a pattern here with my mother's behavior? 

Always getting mad when it came to 'change'. 

I can recall other instances when she would get upset because of something 'changing' in my life. Such as the time I was moving from North Carolina to New Jersey. She had moved from Texas to North Carolina to be closer to us, and then Jon ended up getting transferred to Jersey. Not my fault, but we had to go where the promotion was being given. Another time was when at the age of 18 I decided to move to Florida with my sister. She was livid! I really think that at times she didn't want us to leave her. I know this may not make sense to some of you, but I feel that was her demented way of her expression of love. Getting upset, and then once we were away and settled all would be well over the telephone. 

When chaos broke out in our house this past Sunday morning before heading off to church that was the moment I recognized that I am my mothers daughter. I realized that I am doing the same thing with Sierra. I honestly don't know what triggers my behavior. Perhaps it's the fact that she is leaving to Utah tomorrow and the example my mother set has unfortunately rubbed off on me. Oh man...that is not a good thing! I thank the good Lord that I recognized this behavior and that I am putting a stop to it right now! I don't want to live a life like that every time 'change' occurs, & behaving like a crazy 'mean mom'. 

In my opinion I didn't think I was being mean to her, but in her eyes I was. I didn't criticize or demean her I simply just told her how she shouldn't have gone to UARTS and wasted her time at that school, and how she should have gone to Utah in the first place. This is her life, not mine. Still...no one deserves to be treated that way. No child no matter what age deserves to be treated in any negative manner. I don't think I handled it the right way, but in the end I apologized to her for my actions, explained to her how my mom did the same thing to me, but in the saddest way. We hugged, cried, laughed a little, and I told her how happy I am that she has chosen to go & live with her grandparents & attend college there. I told her how proud I am of all the accomplishments she has done thus far in her life. I was positive & emotional. Emotional because I don't want her to treat her future children the way I treated her. 

My children are the future & I dont want them messed up in any way. Sure we have the holy spirit to guide us throughout our lives & the gospel which brings us strength, but I also have learned that when something great is about to happen the devil tries to step in & mess it all up. I have been battling with such negativity since the new year began, but I have faith that all will be well with Sierra, me, and our family. 

Opposition comes around every once in awhile, but it doesn't have to linger for too long. Luckily I can pray it away, learn and grow from it! 

Sierra is truly is one of my most precious gifts God gave me. One who has gone through quite a bit in her young life & a one of a kind child. 

And she will be missed. 

Just a note:

For those of you who didn't get the chance to know her, didn't hang out with her as much, or 'gave up' on the chance of being a dear friend to her...you missed out. 

But don't fret...hopefully she'll be back for spring break & the  holidays!