Friday, August 14, 2015


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It's been a little over a month since the law passed on gay marriage being equal in all 50 states, and in all honesty I don't think the reaction of happiness knowing that the law passed will go least for awhile. 

Like most people I was debating on writing about the topic, especially since this will be a super personal post in regards to my experiences in the past. But the reason I felt prompted to write about it is because it really helps to talk about it, to not be afraid of my past, because if it has helped me somehow in being who I am today then gosh darn it I will share it. I also write this because I want my friends, family, and especially my children to know that no matter what we are all God's children, that life can be simple, that their mother had to learn, and know for herself, and that love is love. 

I wrote this status on Facebook the day the law marriage equality passed...

"My stance on the events of today in regards to marriage equality in all 50's simple. Love is love, love is universal, and as much as I sustain the leaders of the church I belong to which is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I also believe that as christians we shouldn't judge. Be happy to see that God's children are happy, and worry about your spiritual being. Accept the fact that the world is changing, and to be kind to one another. God is not religion, God is love, and we need to remember that. Peace...:-)"

Since I hardly ever share massive statuses on Facebook, and because there's only so many characters we can tweet on twitter, allow me to elaborate a little bit about this specific status. After all...that's what a blog is for right? 

For half of my life I have seen, and experienced all kinds of ugly in my corner of the world where I thought I would never escape, but knowing that I survived all that ugliness has helped me appreciate life, and most of all love. Love that comes from God, because without Him I would not be who I am today.
Because God so loved the world he sent his beloved son to die for me, and you. He has the plan of salvation specifically for us to be taught so that we can find out who we are, where we come from, and where we are headed after this mortal life. That plan has taught me that the Lord's love is unconditional period. He loves us no matter what, and even though I have gay friends, and family members we as christians should not judge or decide who is right or wrong because when that times comes Jesus Christ is going to decide. 

I'll admit this though...

because of all that I endured, and learned as a child it's a little hard to not want to take a side. There are two stories that I'd like to share with you in hopes that you will understand why it would be hard for some, and why I am sharing this with you. 

While I was growing up there was once a boy who lived not too far from my neighborhood. He would tease me a lot. Sometimes I wondered if he liked me. I learned that if a boy teases you that he likes you. Well...because of the things that were happening to me at the time with being molested I hated boys, and wanted nothing to do with them until I got into middle school. Long story short I survived my abuse, and the boy that would tease me, fast forward to 20 years is gay. Now, I'm not sure if he was gay while we were elementary age, but I know now that he is happily married now. 

And I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am for him. 

Why am I happy for him you may be wondering? 

Because it is not my place to judge, and because he is a child of God. 

I somewhat remember how this boy was, and when I saw him at a Walmart back home like 18 years ago with another guy made me realize that he might be gay. Was I judging? No, but I was wondering because of his actions.  

After finding out on Facebook about his life, and seeing how happy he was with his husband made me appreciate him, because it's not easy for those to come out and admit they're gay especially coming from a small town. Like I said...I'm not sure when he came out, and right now at this point it doesn't matter, but I was happy for him. Happy to see that he found happiness in his life. 

Second story...

I had an experience of kissing a girl in my teens. Yes...kissing. Shocked?? Please, I'm sure you've experienced some phase in your life of rebellion so don't judge. No one is perfect so remember that as you continue to read this. Yes, I have a past. I was lost, and the fact that I was molested had a huge factor as to why I experienced that. It was a phase because I only did it once. Mind you this girl had issues herself, and because we were both vulnerable at the same time the feelings we had at that moment were of loneliness, and confusion. I remember the feeling I felt afterwards, and athough at the time it felt nice, it still didn't seem right. I am grateful that I was strong, and that in the end I chose to be attracted to the opposite sex. 

Not everyone can fight those feelings though. 

There are suicides that come about when one is struggling with same sex attraction, and it is up to us as human beings to fellowship, love, and most of all not judge.

 I read this article on how there are christians in the church i belong to who are gay and active, and fight the urge to act upon those feelings of being attracted to the same sex. It also talks about an unconditional bishop who accepts those who struggle with same sex attraction.

I cannot even imagine how my life would have been had i gone the other way, or truly, truly enjoyed the feeling of kissing another girl, but that was meant to be in my plan in this life. To experience, to be tested, to learn, to abstain, and to not be attracted to the same sex. 

I'm grateful for that experience because it has taught me to love unconditionally, and to understand those in, and outside of the church who are gay. For whatever reason they are gay doesn't matter because I know there are gay people who have never endured abuse, and are happily gay. 

In the 23 years of being a member (and it was a work in progress) of this church i have continually learned to not judge. Sadly there are countless many who do. We have to remind ourselves that God is love, and no matter how much we don't agree with the sin, and have a hard time coping with those who are gay that it is not our right to give looks, be mean, and ugly. What if it was your child, or future grandchild that turns out to be gay? We never know the trials, and tests that the Lord gives us, and it is up to us to live as Him. 

I will always, always sustain the leaders of the church I belong to. I will always believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman. But i also know that the Lord will reveal his feelings, and judge his children for their choices whatever they may be as well as the lifestyle they live. Because He is perfect, and the only one who can do that!'s not our job to judge, so please stop. 

The world is changing, and no matter what we have to embrace the change, and find a way to accept it with peace, and overall happiness. 

The world has enough hate, and we don't need to add to it. Especially for us christians of all faiths. If you call yourself a christian then please behave like one. I'm not perfect either, but boy do I have a lot of love in my heart for everyone whether they're gay, or straight.

But know, and respect this...I will not be rallying for my gay friends, and family carrying a flag walking all proud, but I do respect your lifestyle, and I'm happy that your happy! 

And I will love you till there is no end.

No end. 

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