Friday, October 9, 2015

"You Are Doing Better Than You Think You Are."

As a little girl I always saw the best in my mom. Regardless of the stress, yelling, and all the ups, and downs we had up until I moved out of the house I always focused on her good, and loving side. Even when she would get angry, and yell at me I would always find a way to focus on loving her, and I did. I look back at her life at all the times she was happy, and joyful (because those words have two different meanings), and sad. I sometimes wonder, had we all gone to church more, or had I devotedly went to my CCD classes more often, maybe she wouldn't have raised us the way she did, but regardless of not being devout with any religion I am grateful for the trials I endured as a child because without them I wouldn't have learned anything, and neither would my mom. I wouldn't have learned how it is to be strong. I wouldn't know how to defend my own battles in this world, and I most certainly wouldn't be the woman I am today, but most all...I probably would have never found the restored gospel let alone become a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. 

We all have our bad days in mothering, and overall as a human being. I know I do. There are times when, even though I read the scriptures, do kindly deeds, and serve others the best I can that Satan will somehow intervene like the sneaky serpent that he is, and cause me to behave in such a way that is not pleasing to myself or to the Lord. But it's my choice. I have a choice to fight the negative. I have a choice to not think ill thoughts of people, use bad language, yell, or give an unfriendly look to someone who i know talks about my kids. It's not right. It's not Christlike, and it's so not Christian. Yes, I generally come off as this kind, loving person and for the most part I really am. But I also come with disappointment, and imperfectness. Especially when I see others not doing as much as they should. Remember that I'm human, and as long as I am living on this earth I'm going to be tested with people's "idiot-syncrasies", as well as with my own struggles.

When I see someone struggling, all I want to do is help them. Truth is...we are all struggling inside. I know I am. Believe me I have my struggles. We all do. Whether spiritual, or temporal we as mothers have our daily struggles. Even those who may not have children may have a loved one who has issues, or is struggling themselves.

One thing I know for sure is that my kids keep me strong.
Their examples are innocent, and full of strength that I can't even possibly imagine what Lexie is going through in high school with all that she is surrounded with. Cursing, gossiping, kids practically having sex in the hallway. She sees a lot of unhappiness, and misery among other kids, and although it saddens her at times, it also helps her to be grateful. Being the only Mormon in her grade can be tough, but at the same time strengthening. I remind her that it's only strengthening if we allow it to be. Meaning that we have the opportunity to shine as a light, and if we do what is right the holy ghost will guide us to do so. 

As a mother I want her to know how lucky she is to have a Christ-centered life, and no matter how tough things may get in high school with schoolwork, friends, teachers, and activities to know that Heavenly Father is aware of our struggles. I want her to be able to come home with a load off her shoulders, and to enter inside our home knowing that she is safe, and that our home is a haven on earth. A place where she can relieve her burdens, and find solace. 
She doesn't need to come home to yelling, or hearing her younger sibs bickering, and although she knows that sometimes it's inevitable, she's pretty good at tuning them out! As for me, I try my best to teach my two younger children to love one another, and not cause contention. For the past couple of weeks both Noah and Chelsea have gotten better. I attest that to reading their scriptures on their own. Well, not Noah because he's learning how to read, but we do have the stories of Christ, and that is one thing I remember my mom encouraging my sister and I to read. She would sometimes read to us, and with all the resources that the church has out there gives us the opportunity to use them. 

Oh, how I pray that my struggles are ones that I can always bear. And that with those struggles find ways to overcome, and get through them without unnecessary drama. It's so hard, but after listening to Elder Holland's talk last Saturday was a reminder to me that I am doing good as a mother. And then I look back at how I raised Sierra who has come a long way in her spirituality. I look at all the good she has done, and how all the trials she's endured helped her to be who she is today.  A future missionary who is waiting for her call, and I'm so proud of her! 
^^^ And oldie from conference, circa, 2013 ^^^
My life as a mother will never end like a fairytale, but it can be joyful. I just have to keep reminding myself that no matter how dark things can get in life, I know that I am doing the best that I can, and that I'm doing a lot better than I think!  
Have a wonderful weekend everyone! 

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