Seeing my children giving hugs for no apparent reason puts a smile on my face especially on my days of struggle and frustration. I've been having a lot of those lately, and it's nice to see that I have plenty of hugs and kisses going around in my presence. I'm sure many of us have those kinds of days. We live in a heartless world, and I try to accentuate the positive and rule out any negativity that comes into my life.
When I joined the LDS church at the age of 20, I thought that I would be this perfect person...not so. I do strive to do my best in this life, and to be more Christlike. My heart is filled with gratitude, and I am happy to have experienced all that I have gone through in the past 39 years of my life. I read and hear about those whose lives have been devastated by tornado's and earthquakes, and a friend of a friend getting into a car accident which resulted in her death. I realized that their problems are nothing compared to mine.
I just recently found out that some of our good friends that live in Fayetteville had their home completely demolished by a tornado that hit North Carolina a month ago. I feel terrible that I just found out now. I hardly ever listen to the news. This was a good family who joined the church five years ago, and it feels good to know that I can try to find a way to serve them from afar instead of worrying about the petty stuff that is going on in my own life.
I made a goal to read the Book or Mormon everyday (and the New testament), and today this scripture spoke to me:
"For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.
Behold this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away." 3 Nephi 11:29- 30
I still had a lot of anger inside of me after joining the church because of the abandonment of my father, and the molestation that occurred. I would take it out on those that I loved and I realized that wasn't a Christlike attitude. Knowing that I now found the truthfulness of the gospel, and portraying that kind of behavior was not Christlike, and I felt like a hypocrite. The adversary wants us to feel like we are "less than", and he will find ways to manipulate others into being cruel and have them thinking its justifiable. I have learned to control my anger, and to let things go. I'm not a perfect person and I strive hard each day of my life to be more like Him.
The Christus inside the Visitor's center in the D.C. temple
I am grateful for the friends that I have near and far (more far) who immediately will respond to my letters, texts, emails, and facebook messages. I am grateful for my family. They are the glue that holds me together. It gives me great comfort to know that I can turn to my neighbors for a favor. They have seen our true colors as a family. We are a happy imperfect one. I am grateful for my oldest daughter who exhibits maturity for a 16 year old, and for my better half who is the most patient person I know (he married me right?) They know everything about me that goes on in my life, and I mean EVERYTHING! They both give me great advice and I take it. They see when I'm feeling down and they comfort me. When I'm not being Christlike they will kindly let me know. They both have a strong heart and a clear mind. Someone can throw a rock at them, and they won't get mad. Sure, it'll hurt them physically, but words won't. She is just like her dad. I have had to learn to take things with a grain of salt. I don't want to spend my life dwelling on those things that are petty, and want to eliminate any negativity that pulls me down. There are so many of our brothers and sisters in this world who have it worse than me. I am grateful for the gift that I have in being selfless and forgiving, and for the knowledge to discern that which is not conducive to the holy spirit.
*To read a talk about eliminating contention...click here.
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