Each year as I get another year older with children growing like weeds I seem to find myself in a different realm. I am making the choice to let bygones be bygones. To serve and love more, and to not let the little things get to me. I now the Lord hears our prayers, and he definitley gives us what we can handle. I am thankful for that. I truly am.
A couple of weeks ago I had a rude awakening. I woke up one morning & noticed that I had a few messages in my inbox on my Facebook. I'm never nervous when I check my messages because they are usually from family, or friends. Once in a while I'll get a kind message from a random person regarding my blog.
Well, I've been blogging a little over a year and a half now, and have never received any hurtful messages...until now.
This is my story...
Someone created a fake facebook account and used a bogus name. I didn't even know we had a spam account in Facebook, did you? Well as I was checking my facebook messages I noticed the word "other" next to the inbox message, and clicked on that. As soon as I read the first few words...I knew it was going to be ugly.
And it was.
At first I thought it was a joke, but it certainly didn't sound like one.
"No one has the guts to tell you this so I will" were the first few words that I read. I hesitated for a bit, but I let my finger do the walking and I clicked on it. It continued to read hurtful words, but I didn't let it get to me. I felt so bad because I have realized for quite sometime now that it has to be someone from my church. All the things they wrote pointed out to someone whom I thought would never stoop so low as to creating a fake account to write such horrible things (I should be flattered since they took their time to go out of their way to do such a thing!) I've also learned that when someone usually says or writes such hateful words is usually a reflection of themselves, which is even more sad.
I do have an inkling as to who it could be, but I'm not going to give into it. The "old Rose" would have retaliated, but I refuse to let anything or anyone damage the spiritual side of me. I know the kind of person I am, and I know the kind of family we are. I did shed a few tears so the pain of the knife that was stabbed in my back could go away. Talking about it to my eldest daughter really helped (since her name was mentioned), and even she was in major shock. Nothing was directed at her, but the thing that hurt her (& me) the most was when they wrote "ur kids dont even like u.", and "sierra tells everyone that as soon as carter comes home thast they r getting married and gettin away from you." (Sorry for the poor spelling & punctuation. I copied & pasted the actual message that was sent from this person.)
There was so much more that was written, and for those of you who know me, and I mean really know me will know that it's not true. I wasn't going to justify any of that with a response. I did however tried to report it, but because it was a deactivated account it wouldn't allow me. After talking to an acquaintance who is an FBI agent I realized that I'd have to go through hoops, and a lot of red tape to get the ball rolling as to who would send such a message. It's not worth my time, money, or even worry...especially since I know who it could be.
It amazes me the kind of people we can become, and how we can allow Satan to get under our skin for the dumbest reasons. We always want to be able to trust the ones we've become friends with in a new environment, state, and neighborhood. We always want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and find good in all mankind. We especially want to trust the ones that even attend the same church.
After all...church should be the first place we consider a safe haven.
But we can never be too careful, and for whatever reason this person decided to fake an account and to tell me off online instead of talking out their feelings to me personally is really sad. Especially since we worship the same faith, and share the same beliefs. My heart goes out to that person, and I pray that they will find it in their heart to seriously change their thought perspective as to how to treat others.
As Latter-day saints we all want to come to church with the assurance of feeling loved. We come for the sole purpose of renewing our covenants by partaking the sacrament. We come to fellowship, serve, and love one another. Not hurt one another.
We come to feel safe, not to get wounded.
One thing I've learned by living in New Jersey is how to develop a tolerance for such behavior. It has made me stronger than I've ever been before. I am one of those Mormons who bears my testimony every fast Sunday, and I'm not afraid. I know that as a family we are not perfect, and that is exactly why we attend service.
So I write to everyone especially to that one person who sent me such a hateful message... I love you. I really do.
Before sending such hateful messages please get to know the people who are moving in before passing any kind of judgement, and I mean really know them. You'll be surprised at how loving they are when you give them a chance.
Lucky for me I have endured worse pain in my life than a nasty online message. If it was sent to someone whose heart is not as forgiving, or testimony is not as strong you might as well have damaged their self esteem, and the way they view us as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and the Lord. Even though we have a choice to decide whether or not a crude message will hurt us, things like that should not happen.
Unfortunately it does, and that is when we need to stop, think, pray hard, be strong, and do the things that will strengthen our testimony. Believe me...20 years of being a member of this wonderful church, and giving my heart to the Lord can be easy if we just follow the commandments, and strive our best to endure to the end.
Those are the christian ways, and that is what being a latter-day saint is all about. So next time you have the urge to tell someone off write it out in your journal, or find someone in your life close enough to talk about it.
Better yet...I'll end this post with this scripture:
"Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you."