IF IT'S MEANT TO BE.

Two months ago a dear friend of mine had her second child. You can imagine my excitement & surprise when I found out that she was having a baby (congratulations Lori!) I was so thrilled for her. I hadn't seen her since high school, but the desire to send her a gift was overwhelming. It was so fun putting it together, and I was informed last night with a sweet thank you video from her cute son that they received it. My brother in law who is also in his 40's will become a dad for the second time next week, and there are also two other friends from high school who are my age who also had babies in their 40's. I was almost 39 when I had Noah, and being pregnant at that age was pretty amazing! Sure I had my moments of exhaustion, but what pregnant woman doesn't. Aside from back pain due to how I carried him I've always had healthy pregnancies, and hearing these baby announcements, and seeing pictures of newborn babies makes me a bit jelly, but at that the same time so, so happy for them. 

And the truth is... 

I would like to have another baby. In about four months I'll be turning 44, and the desire to have a baby is still within me. I know what you're thinking (at least some of you may be). You already have four, and you're getting old why would you want more? 

Well, I wasn't close to my brother at all while growing up (we lived separately), and when I see my kids in harmony (at least 95% of the time) it brings me so much joy, and the desire to have just one more increases. It's as if I want to fill that void I had of not having grown up with my brother, and not experiencing the feeling of having a younger sibling. I would like for Noah to experience being a big brother, but then again I didn't experience being a big sister. I do, however,  have a wonderful sister whom I did grow up with. Despite the cat fights, and drama we had as sibs we are closer today now than we've ever been, and for that I am extremely grateful to have her in my life to look upon to. 

As far as my brother goes our relationship has progressed somewhat throughout the years, but the fact that we were raised separately made it kind of difficult. Living miles away from each other doesn't help either.  Nonetheless we keep in touch via text, and he just got a Facebook! He's almost 50 and is finally on Facebook! Huge step for me bro! But we are all old school, and I think my sis, and brother will always appreciate tangible cards, and photos! 

I never in my life thought I would have four kids because my childhood wasn't all rainbows and butterflies, but I did. I didn't plan them to be five years apart either it just happened that way. One of the greatest blessings was having girls first. Not one, but three! And even though they have their moments, they all love each other. One thing for sure is when their all old, and married they will all be each others best friend. Just as my sister, and I are. Looking out for each other, and having each other's back even though we are miles apart. There's is no greater feeling than having a sister, and I'm so happy that I have ONE! 

As much as Jon and I would want Noah to have a baby brother, or sister, it's just not happening. One thing I know for sure is that Heavenly Father knows what he's doing, and he truly is in charge of our life. No matter how much I beg, and plead to have another child it is His will. I don't want to bother going to any doctors, or specialists to help  me get pregnant, because I personally don't, nor should I have to do that...especially at my age. I have come to the realization that this body of mine has produced all it can in this life, and I'm at peace with that. 

I am extremely grateful that the Lord blessed us with a son, and I know that Noah will be satisfied with being the baby of the family as I am, and that is something that he and I will have in common!

Having four children has been the greatest blessing in my life, and knowing that makes me look forward to being a grandma someday...not now, but someday! 

Our family of six will be good enough for me! 

Have a happy long memorial day weekend! 

**Photo is an oldie from the year 2010 taken in Cape Cod. Noah was seven months old.