Wednesday, November 28, 2012

to reflect with tears, hugs, praise & love.

"Our children our only ever lent to us. 
We never know just how long we will be able to keep them for. 
So kiss them, cuddle them, praise them, and hold them tightly. 
But most of all...tell them you LOVE them everyday."

I stumbled upon this quote, and I realized that since school started things have been...well...a little bit hectic. Not with the younger three, but with Sierra. Since the school year began she has been filling out common app after common app online, writing essays for scholarships, and sometimes I feel as if I have to remind her to make sure they are submitted by the due date. Although she seems to be on top of it...I want to make sure she stays there.

See...this is my first experience sending off a kid to college, and because I never experienced any of this with my mom it's all new for me. I'm sure sending our second child off will be easier, and our third will be a breeze, and our fourth (I don't even want to think about that because Noah is only three!) Bottom line is I won't be as stressed or nagging as much.

After sitting alone on the couch in the wee hours of the night I began to cry. I realized that I have been too hard on Sierra. Here is this sweet, beautiful young daughter of mine who makes an effort to come into our bedroom every single morning to pray with us. She brings home amazing grades, and is so talented. I realized that as a mother I've been hard on her on petty things...especially when it comes to applying for colleges.

I took a few steps back, read a couple of my entries on my blog, and in my handwritten journal, and this one made me want to be that non-nagging, non rushed mother again. I know that times are changing, but that doesn't mean I have to change with the time.

I don't want to criticize...I want to praise.
I don't want to yell...I want to talk.
I don't want to stress...I want to relax.
I don't want to rush...I want to take my time.

I want our children to know that I LOVE them, and that sometimes acting like a crazy woman is only because I want them to have the best. I want them to do better than me...especially when it comes to their education.

Still...I know that constant nagging, and snapping at our children is no answer to get them to do the things they need to do. Especially with the younger ones. Oh no...you don't want to do that.

I just want what's best for our children. I want to make sure Sierra has all her i's dotted, and t's crossed as she is preparing for college. I didn't have the GPA that she has while I was in high school, or the opportunities like she does, and I think that is one of the main reasons why I'm filled with encouragement (and nagging) when it comes to her academics. She has so much potential, and I know that she can get into a great college! I don't know how she does it with everything she is involved in at school, attending early morning seminary, and making sacrifices so that she can attend most of her young women activities at church. I'm not sure if I'd want to be in her shoes at 17.

I'm grateful for seeing that quote on Facebook, and although I think that I'm being a good mom, I know I can do better. Especially when I see the look on the kids faces when I am being super stern with them adding a mix of criticism... is not good. It makes me feel like a horrible mother, and even though I apologize...I don't ever want to do that again!

Sure there is plenty of praise, & "I love you's" going on in this house, but you know what...I don't want to say it in such a rush as they are walking out the door. I want to say it with meaning, and embrace them like never before.

Before we know it our kids will be going out into the world, and on their own. They will no longer be under our care 24/7, and so it is up to us right now at this moment to teach, protect, and love them. We don't know what lies for them in the future, but for now I want those hugs to be ever so tight, and those three words to mean so much more than just that...words.

I love you Sierra, Lexie, Chelsea, & Noah.

I really do!

xo-mom

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